Annoyed with MIL's anti-co sleping comments!

[tigertum]

Last week my MIL very kindly bought DS (20 months) his first toddler bed. It was her idea and really helped because we are skint! Anyway, just got off the phone to her to tell her how well he's taken to it and am really upset.

We co-sleep half the night we DS and have done since he was about 7 months. It really works for us and even though we didn't set out to do, we have become real co-sleepig converts and will do it intentionally if we have any more babies.

So, when I say to her "DS really loves his bed, he's been sleeping well in it." She say's "oh, has he slept all night in it". I explain the no he hasn't and on comes a big lecture about how he wont ever sleep on his own if we dont do it now and we should do something about it. I say we are really happy with the way things are and dont want to change things until DS is older by which time things might change naturally. She says "well I just dont agree with it", at which point I change the subject. Wish we hadn't let her buy that bed now. She's made it feel sour IYSWIM.

I also still BF and she doesn't agree with this either, although its been a long while before she has said anything. I hate that she has no concept of what and why we do both of these things yet feels she knows better and has a right to tell us to do different. I know how different her views are - she used to tie DP's bedroom door shut with a skipping rope when he was DS's age.

DP has said he will say something to her. Should I take him up on the offer or let him go.

Also - almost certainly a coincidence but my eldest who was treated much more according the the 'rules' ie put to sleep on his own not with us, is the least confident, sociable and good-tempered of all three.

tigertum - well done for finding a sleeping method that works for you.

We didn't co sleep with our first dd1. We've had such a battle trying to get her to sleep well, and now she is nearly three, she still doesn't sleep great.

We co sleep have the night with my second dd2. This was never the intention, it's just happened that way, and she's always slept reasonably well, despite being small and needing regular feeding.

We went away with my mil a few months ago, just for one night. We were not in control of the sleeping arrangements and my mil expected my dd2 to sleep alone in a cot in the hallway as the cot didn't fit into our bedroom. I said no, she can sleep in our bed, it's only one night, to which this caused a huge arguement about why my dd2 wouldn't sleep alone. Our relationship has never really recovered since this arguement.

Incidentally, my mil insisted that my dd1 sleep the night in her bed, with her. She could not see how hypocritical she was being.

I would ignore it. What you choose to do is not her concern, unless you ask for advice or moan about any problems with co-sleeping. My MIL is always offering suggestions, I opt for the smile, say "what a good idea" and totally ignore her.

beansprout, I can see exactly where you are on with the BF. I feel like its between me and DS and will ony stop when one of us wants to. The extra-mile thing is a very interesting thought. I suppose it's normal to feel bad when you see someone else doing something that you regard as 'better'.I can admit to it, my friend has the most immaculate and organised house on the planet and I'd love to see her just take a day off for herself. let the mess pile up a bit. I would make me feel better! Totally different scenario but same crazy human thinking. When DP was a baby he apparently 'cried constantly until he was 3' so she had a hard time of it, hence tying the door shut. I have never believed in leaving DS to cry. DS is also allot like MIL says DP was as a baby - very active from a young age, early crawler etc. She's a warm hearted person, it must have felt awful shutting the door on DP when he was small. Maybe on some level the total opposite approach I have taken with DS makes her feel bad. Who knows?

WinkyWinkola - Fingers crossed DS will sleep in his own room all night when he is ready and I will prove MIL's bleek predicitions for a life time of dependancy on co-sleeping wrong!

OrmIrian - Can totally relate to the feeling like you have to stick to the rules. Like I mentioned earlier, we used to feel like we were doing something wrong by co-sleeping in the early days. We only started enjoying DS when we relaxed, shoved the 'books' in the loft and did what thought. Good on you still BF too and ignoring your mum and mil.

belgo - What a horrible situation and how mean, I can see why you are still .

shoppingbagsundereyes - One fine day I will say that!