Love is a choice, as well as a feeling? Who would agree with that statement?

[Bananasinpyjamas1]

I think that I do agree with that. My partner has dithered about for the last few years - trying to make up for it now, but it feels a bit late.

We had problems which knocked us, from the outside rather than between each other. Yet my partner decided to withdraw his love for a while. Which really hurt.

I think when you fall in love, at first it is giddy and passionate. After a while, as long as there is no abusiveness going on, then I think love is more of a choice, we have to decide to keep loving that person or see it crumble. We see our partners then in all their faults, but stick with them. That to me, is love.

What do you think? Do we give up too easily? Do we expect love to be because our partners make us happy all the time?

It would be great if it was a choice, I don't think real love is.
But it is a choice to walk away even if you still do.

Someone once said that 'love is a promise', I think that best describes it. I don't think love is a feeling at all, that's lust.

I also think love is a verb and we can choose who we love.We may choose to stop loving someone if we feel it's unreproicated.Perhaps the way our partner 'loves' us isn't compatibility.My ex listed all the reasons why I should stay with him, however those reasons were not important to me.He & I were not compatible.

Bananas, I think you are making the right choice, it's feels as if it's hard work being with your dp and you deserve better.

Love is a promise - that is a really nice way of seeing it. So true too I think. My DP - when he 'fell out of love' with me for a few months - seemed surprised I was so angry. I think it was because I felt that he had made a promise that he just didn't follow through. There was no 'problems' as such. And even now, while he is adamant that he does love me, I can't get rid of that feeling of being let down and unsure of his constancy.

If love is a promise, it should carry some weight.

newname Thanks - yes I don't like just giving up, but you can only keep 'choosing' to love someone so long if they are wavering in their choices! I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and your Ex - but revealing that what he thought was important that he could give were the wrong things for you.

Yeah I don't buy the 'couldn't help it' school of thought on affairs either. Definitely a choice!

I had similar OP, my DP has been 'Undecided' in the past year about us - mid life crisis! Citing that he needs to be true to himself. I got to the point where I said get lost then! He soon woke up and put the effort in.

Love is a conscious act of will, it is a choice not merely a feeling.

A lot of couples split up when they lose the 'in love' feeling and during the bad or rough patches you often do need to force yourself to love the other person.

(Though that precludes abusive situations. If someone is abusing you in any way then they are not choosing to love, but to dominate, control and damage you).

I definitely force myself to love DH when he won't shut the door in the bathroom and I catch sight of him wiping his sh*tty backside.

It's why the wedding vows say "I will" referring to a future, rather than "I do" which is the present tense (and a Hollywood invention). Sometimes loving people can be an effort.

Caveat: apart from making bottom-wiping a spectator sport, my DH is pretty loveable.

Didn't know that about I Will/I Do. It's a good point.