he called me a bad mum

[knightsmum]

DH and I have been together for a couple years and have a baby. We have different parenting styles. For example he sets special time for the baby to learn and sit and I think it should come more naturally and should not be forced. When I feel sorry for the baby and tell him to stop he thinks I am saying he is a bad father and he is not. He then a couple of days ago said he doesn't want to have anymore babies with me because I am a bad mother for example I don't wash his face in the morning, I wait until night to bath him. He said I don't have mother instinct because when I am out at the doctors I can't telepathically tell my baby is crying at home. He is a great helpful husband and father and very involved but after this last fight we have both said things and our relationship seems to be breaking because we don't have similar parenting skills. He doesn't want to read books to find a common parenting style. I don't know what to do.....???and I feel very hurt because DH thinks I am a bad mum. I don't mean to make him feel like a bad dad but I can't help reacting the way I do by telling him to stop when my baby cries.

Putting a child in a 'sitting position' is not the same as trying to teach the child to 'learn and sit', which should not be forced.

The OP had to intervene when he was bottle-feeding as the baby was coughing and she was concerned it would choke.

I didn't read the op as thinking that practising to sit up was wrong. I read that her baby was getting distressed and her dp continued to force baby to sit up when baby was upset. We have all helped our children sit up, but forcing a baby who is distressed and by the sound of it tired is just ridiculous.

As for the op washing her Babies face, it is obvious to me that if baby has dribbled/ Spit up / been sick/ has grotty eyes then you wash their face, regardless of what time it is. My babies had their face washed frequently during the night and day. Not just because it was morning.....

As for force feeding a baby, that is horrendous, dangerous even. You are your babies mother op, you know when your child is distressed/ in danger and your dp sounds like a controlling bully.

mummy with all due respect, you are projecting an awful lot. You have made a lot of inferences about what the OP has done/will do and also about her husband.

I'm sorry, but it's utterly ridiculous to suggest he is a controlling bully when there are clearly faults on both sides.

He wanted to give him a full bottle the first day even though the baby is not used to it and started coughing. I am afraid he might start chocking so I stop him
There is nothing dangerous going on here. Baby coughed, mum jumped straight in and stopped him. She doesn't trust him to deal with it himself.

As for force feeding a baby, that is horrendous, dangerous even
wtf were you reading? There is nothing that suggests he was force feeding the baby!

her dp continued to force baby to sit up
Where does it say that? There is no indication of force.
Practising sitting and learning to sit are exactly the same thing - I doubt he was giving instructions like a teacher, to tell his baby how he should be sitting! What else could you do other than sitting the baby on the floor? Babies sometimes cry when they are in a new position, it doesn't mean there is any mistreatment going on. Sometimes they cry when they are having a nappy changed - that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong and should stop.

Putting a child in a 'sitting position' is not the same as trying to teach the child to 'learn and sit', which should not be forced.
Is it not? Please tell me what teaching a child to learn to sit involves?
Where did the OP make any mention of force?

Overall I was pretty happy he is helpful and loves to play with the baby. It is the parenting styles that are causing the problems and hurt feelings.
That doesn't sound she feels he is any danger to their baby. He's not dangerous, not putting baby at any risk, he's interacting in a different way to her and they are disagreeing and arguing about that.

I don't really get the 'bad dad' accusations on here. Unless he was extremely abusive or dangerous, then fathers will get contact even if the Op LTB. He will end up with him having sole care of his baby at times.

Just cutting him out over a disagreement over how to sit up a baby isn't an option.

So- what options do you realistically have?

You are both incredibly tired, and it sounds like your argument got out of hand and bad things were said. This is normal, many marriages and relationships struggle, I think the year after first baby is the peak time to split up as it is all so stressful, a huge life change and no one is sleeping well.

It sounds like he is not doing anything too awful- he didn't actually choke the baby, he fed the baby a whole bottle and the OP was worried about choking, but babies do make choking noises and, crucially, didn't choke.

Similarly, I very much doubt he is actually endangering the child by encouraging them to sit up, propping them up with pillows or a bumbo is pretty normal at 5 months.

I think you do have to learn to trust each other. That said, my husband had a higher toleration of risk say when in a playplace, and sometimes I just used to leave him to get on with it on the basis he wasn't actually endangering the children, just being more risk-taking than I would have been.

Keep talking, try not to get too entrenched, there's no right way to bring up a baby and it may be that your ways are different but complementary for the child- it's very good for example to have a quite cautious parent and a more risk-taking one, it evens it all out.