Do you live separately from your partner?

[Goingthedistance]

We've been together for four years, lived together for two then decided to live separately this past year. Two houses away from each other! And it has been a great move for our relationship which has never been better. Both in our mid to late thirties and no children. We get quite a lot of raised eyebrows and some judgy comments especially from his side of the family who are very traditional. We're not too bothered about that most of the time though I do occasionally lose my cool and struggle to keep a sense of humour at long periods of time spent with the in laws. But other than that I don't see any good reason (unless we had children) not to carry on as we are indefinitely.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

We are. Live about a mile away from each other. Have a young teen. DH was not at home very much due to work and hobbies so very little impact of teen. We had 2 properties several years ago, sold them bough one, and a year ago sold one and bought 2. It is wonderful. We both need our own space. i couldn't cope with his family visiting frequently.

it sounds quite expensive to run two households!

Surely if you want personal space just have your own room?

But Heron if they can afford to do it with no negative impact then why not?

I loved the idea of two houses next door like Burton/Carter. Decorated however you like. I love my own bedroom.

Or a house with separate "wings"

Isnt that why most men have a shed?

wally yes, that's how it for us. In fact it actually makes better sense, financially speaking, for us to own separate homes in the long run but that's not the reason we're doing it. After giving trying to live together a proper go, both realised a need for a 'shed' each and thought why not go further and make each of our sheds our home. It was a slow burner but DP is now my best friend as well as 'the one'.
Can't live with him but can't live without him...and so this

I get it OP.

I have a friend who is mid 30s and has had the same partner for 13 years. No interest in children or getting married and very much in love.

Just have different interests and lifestyles and work different times. See each other regularly but happy to live apart.

Im 53 and have been with OH for 6 years. We are exclusive, don't live together and are quite happy as we are. I think as we grow ever older the living together thing may happen though, but certainly not for now. I will admit I am not good at living with men - I don't like a man constantly in my personal space. Even if he's upstairs and Im downstairs I don't like it. Im happy to see OH twice a week, sometimes we do spend weekends together. I feel as if this way, I look forward to seeing and being with him. It works well for us. As others have said, different interests and lifestyles also Im self-employed and work from home quite a bit, so I like to switch off from work after a time and just chill out in my own space and time

Yes, that's similar to DP and my way of thinking - retiring to separate wings is fine if you live in a castle but otherwise a modest home each is fine.

Also we both have keys to each other's places. I will always phone/text/confirm before popping round to DP's, but sometimes he'll come round unexpectedly to say hi which I absolutely don't mind of course but am interested to know what others in our position do.

Me and my DP been together couple of years,both mid30s,both have 2 dcs each.

DP is very introverted and goes through cycles of being absolutely lovely to be around and being irritated, moody and unreasonably snappy due to lack of energy.
He feels he needs to be completely alone for few days ,basically cuts off contact with outside world and "recharges his batteries"(His work schedule allows it). Then voila he's considerate,pleasant and happy again:)
I originally wanted for us to move in together as in him move to mine(as its bigger place) or sell up and by 4-5 bed house jointly.
But knowing him,just having separate bedroom would not have same relaxing effect on him and don't think we'd avoid arguments .
I used to be very anxious about his "disappearances" but now got used to it as we talked about it in detail,and just take it as an opportunity to do my own thing .
I don't see myself living like that forever but think maybe in future when children grown up(they are teenagers now) and left home it would be easier to live together as it will be just two of us in a biggish house!
We have keys to each other places too and I can do what I want in his and be there as much as I like as long as its not during those few days...

I lead a double life, as well as living separate!! For part of the week I live on my house with my DCs normal mummy type life, and for the other part I work and stay with DP (not the father of DCs). It's a bit bizarre - he's a definite introvert and bit of a bachelor. He definitely wouldn't cope with living with three noisy kids, he's met the youngest a few times but only briefly the eldest two. This may change in the future, but even so I can't ever see it getting to a point that living together would work. Equally, I have no intentions of living with another adult. We socialise with his friends and I get on famously with his mum, but because of the DC situation he's not met any of my family, and my friends are mostly parents and we tend to meet in the day around child based activities, so paths tend not to get crossed. I can't see this changing, and it work for us,

We were 3.5 years in our own houses 25 miles apart and it worked great. Then he took early retirement, sold his house and moved into mine. Still works great.

( sometimes I have a sneaky miss of those times...when we were just courting. It was a fabulous, fabulous time)

Heron it is more expensive to have 2 houses than one. But so worth it for us. I used to have 4 holidays a year to get away from DH and his family. Now I spend that money on running a separate home. Also our 2 modest homes will (in all likely hood) increase in value more than one big home.