men who live with their mothers..

[catkin14]

As the great Sir Terry Wogan used to say, 'is it me'....?
I ve been seeing a lovely man for 2 years now, we don't live together, both in our 50's. we get on well, he is good to my dc's who don't live with me. He won't move in with me, says it will ruin our relationship and will only stay one night a week at my house.
He has been married before but now lives with his parents due to money issues and helping with their care, his mother has motor neurone.
He is an only child and seems to have a bit of a mother obsession...as in 'she's so funny', she's so wonderful', 'we get on so well' etc
Is this normal?
I ask the question because I am one of 4, and don't live with my parents anymore, and due to my age, wonder if this relationship can go anywhere while mother is still so important.
Or maybe Im just being miserable old bag.
Happy to be told either way!

I quote again from the original post,
"helping with their care, his mother has motor neurone." There is no suggestion of exploitation in the post. You then go on to say there are greater numbers of female carers. I am sure this is true but you then suggest he is "going home to be cared for by his mummy". I quote you exactly.
My point is that if you disparage male carers and mock their role with their "mummy" (your word) they are deliberately alienated from a caring role.

You don't know that he is actually caring for his mother. People get away with abuse because they call themselves carers and the abuse goes on behind closed doors.

I have never said he is exploiting the situation. I have said you can't assume that because he says he is caring for her or the op has assumed that is why he is there that he is actually doing that when the front door shuts.

If I thought the relationship had legs and there is this issue, which if he is caring he will need the support of a partner to do, I would want to know whether he was in fact caring and not just exploiting her for her home/disability benefits etc.

And that is all you can say when absolutely zero information has been given about his actual care of his mother apart from that the op feels there is something off about him and his relationship with his mother.

Feeling there is something off about the relationship is often the first sign to someone on the outside. I would not ignore that feeling, I would want to reassure myself or try to do something about it, for the sake of the vulnerable person in the home.

And I didn't suggest he was doing that. I suggested there was a difference between caring and 'going home to mummy to be cared for' especially when the mother has MND.

Would you think any more of him if he said "she's a pain in the neck" or "I am sick of the sight of her"?! It sounds as if he had an independent life previously and possibly would not have returned to live at the family home if there had been another option financially at the time.

I would be concerned though if you felt that he was controlled by his mother and tended to do what he was told!

My brother is 40, has never left home, is currently 'driving Miss Daisy' with mum and is a man-child. He had one girlfriend but mum saw her off. Avoid.

My brother at age 51 has only left home sporadically over the years to rent a room, always goes back to mum. He freely admits to us that he's happy with the arrangement. Very cheap rent, low bills, cooked meals, freedom to come and go as he pleases Mum's happy, he's company. She doesn't mind him bringing girlfriends around. He has no problems at all in attracting girlfriends, he's not a playa only 1 girlfriend at a time - but after a few years relationship always folds. I think its because eventually the women want commitment in terms of setting up home and making life together. But he doesn't want that. We're all used to the pattern, its all lovey-dovey and she's the greatest thing since sliced bread for 1st say 4 years or so, then in creep the comments about her being wanting too much, being fragile, etc and we know, way before she does, that she's on her way out.

My brother will infer that he's mum's carer should anyone casually ask why he lives at home. But, of course he's not. My mum is 74 in good health loves her gym & bingo and has a good circle of friends. She's currently away on a cruise with her sister.

He's not the only man I know that lives in similar fashion. There's no point having stars in your eyes because you're in love, and making up reasons to justify why a grown man is living with mummy. Its very likely because its easier for him, and he can have a comfortable lifestyle without having to bother to commit to anybody at all. Just accept it as it is, embellishments are rarely what we think they are