It's way past 4 in the morning and I can't sleep because of my f****** DH

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

Oooh I'm so mad. After we had a real heart to heart about our relationship at New Year I have been much more positive about our relationship. I've had a great week, hardly shouted at the kids, been organised, been out places and just got on with life and tonight that all ended just because he came home in a bad mood from work. Didn't actually say as much but indirectly took it out on me with his little innuendos. Also, to summarise, no other method of contraception works well for us so he's going for the snip later this month. I can understand that he's a bit nervous about it but I have made it clear repeatedly that I am absolutely not having another child (we have DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 and I'm 38). Nonetheless I have said that if he really doesn't want to do it then fine and we'll just continue as we are with me on the coil and having 2 week periods and uncomfortable sex. But tonight in bed he starts going on about how wonderful fatherhood is and how great the kids are and how he wishes we were younger coz it would be so nice to have more and am I sure that I don't want any more.

Grrrrrrr! He obviously doesn't bloody listen or appreciate that I'm knackered, have not enjoyed motherhood (love the kids though) and feel like a fucking brood mare. To him (and he confirmed this) sex is much more meaningful if we are actually shagging to get pregnant. I got pregnant really quickly with both and he thought "these things take longer" and was looking forward to a more prolonged period of shagging for kids. And of course it's coz he's such a stud that I got up the duff so quickly, not conceivable that I may be hugely fertile!!!

Oh and of course DS wakes up at 2 in the morning to the blissful oblivion of his father and it is I who has to get up and now I can't get back to sleep.

Sorry for the rant and bet everyone else is in bed but I'm pacing the house in anger and frustration and sleep deprivation

Sorry to hear that you're angry. Have nothing to say but just to give you some support at this time of the morning.(((hugs))) You're a brilliant mum and most mums will understand how tiring it can be looking after 2 young children.

Sorry you were in need of a rant. My daft DH is also u/s getting up to our 2. Yes, still, at ds - 5 & dd - 3! Not helped by being Mr Inventasnore. 'Oooh Darling, that was a good night's sleep wasn't it?' Yes, DH I only got up twice & listened to you for HOURS!!! If you're really sure you don't want to have any more children & he's a bit precious about his bits; could you get 'done'? That's what I did. Left to him I'd've had a football team..... You're probably much calmer this am anyway. May your weekend continue shout free!! Mine definately won't (sigh - back to the howling horrors)xxx

I understand why you are angry, but if he is so opposed to the snip & you don't like sex with the coil, why don't YOU get sterilized?

After all, is it not YOU that is adamant about having no more children?

Sorry your havign a bad tome with your dh i hope things are beter this morning

I also have to agree with what sandcastles has said as it is you who does not want kids i don't see why he should have the snip...

Hi there. I may be wrong but it sounds like you might be feeling a bit guilty - because he is having such a major and in prinicple irreversable op. I don't want any more kids and DH does and we have these occasional conversations where he tries to convince me which sometimes make me laugh and sometimes irritate me. But I have made my mind up and I understand that he may feel a bit powerless about a unilateral decision on my part.

Also, it is one thing making a decision like that and anther knowing that the decision isn't yours to make. Even though I definitely don't want any more children if I started going through the menopause or became infertile suddenly in the next week it would devastate me.

It sounds like your DH is doing something he isn't sure he really want to do and just trying to tell you how he feels.

Thanks for the messages. Am much calmer today if not a tad tired. I have considered getting sterilised, may look into it more. I think there are more underlying issues here about me having gone through two pregnancies and two births, one of which was an emergency section (significantly more major than the snip I fancy), losing my hair, having no breasts, no sex drive, totally unfit, incontinent and permanently tired against him worried about contracting MRSA on the chopping block .

Have to sort my head out I think

Ha Ha Ha!!! Most of that sounds like me! (Damnit!) My DH was sooo precious and when I pushed him on it said he wasn't 'ready to do it yet'. When I asked him if he wanted more children he nearly passed out in fear at the thought of it.... I think it's a bloke thing. I just can't work it out. Or maybe it's the whole manly whole man!!! Mind you has he accepted that you REALLY have had enough of the breeding thing? Maybe he thinks he can talk you round? Was sterilised about 2 years ago - a doddle. In at 07.45 out at 11.55, neck pain for a couple of days. Nothing to it for me. Any chance of you escaping somewhere nice for a weekend with a friend without the DC? My hubby would have been reduced to tears by then and got some SERIOUS appreciation as to why more is not happening.

LOL. Yeah he does realise that having more ain't on the cards. He knows it's unrealistic and he's just being maudlin although I wish he wouldn't maudle aloud.

Didn't realise sterilisation was such a doddle. Presuming you are in Paisley from your name, where did you go? (I'm in Glasgow)

God they're feeble! DH told me to 'breathe. Just breathe.' ,when I was having DD at a rate of knots; but the minor operation (Let's face it - less than an ingrowing toenail) turns them green and crossed-legged!?! Hope you're ok. Sadly, no. The 'Paisley' is a reflection of my sad old hippy status! Keep well and.. (ahem) on top of that husband! May your inclination be greater than mine! LOL also XXX

Hi Voluptua, I feel the same as you but my DH is more like Paisleylove's. I was thinking about getting sterilised myself but it seems an awful lot of risk for something that is 10 times less effective than a vasectomy and only about as reliable as the condoms we use now.
GP told DH there was a risk of permanent pain from a vasectomy but I say what about risk of death from major abdominal surgery, risk of death during childbirth, all the side effects of other contraception for women and not to mention the sheer crapness of being pregnant. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I've earnt him having the op.

And ggrrrr at GP

Whoa, there, Ms BoD. Honest. There's nothing to it. Err... least there wasn't for me BUT I am the original boring patient, no allergies, no nothing. Two scars. One in my belly button 7mm long (measuring now)& one on bikini line 11mm. Also have the IUD/Marina coil to reduce the dreaded so called monthly's which in my case were 3.5 weeks on & maybe a week off (Serious tampon expenditure!) Now down to the ones the tampon lady in school was offering us all aged 11 - I thank you. That's the one for me! They actually wanted to take my coil OUT at the op because I would doubly never get pregnant. (I actually told them to 'k off. Had they ever met my children...???)
Not having a go BucketsofDynamite, just didn't have long enough to live to get my DH to crack on! X