Happy after divorce? Tell us about your day...

[stomachinknots]

This might sounds weird, but as I look ahead into the dark tunnel of divorce proceedings, I have a hard time picturing what happiness might look like in the future. There is so much about the process and aftermath that seems bleak and sad (especially when I consider my kids), so I would love to hear from people who have come through it -- what kind of things do you get up to? How are your days? How about the kids? I think it would make it easier for me if I could read a few specific samples from people who have emerged on the other side and are now (mostly) happily going about their new lives.

So, would you be able to share just a few broad brush descriptions or specifics of your day? Good moments? Little triumphs? I would love to be able to get just a glimpse of my possible future self, who currently is so obscured.

Wow, Purple -- that sounds brilliant. How long were you single for, after the split?

Once divorced and now separated from dh 2. Never looked back. Much happier than in both marriages. Teenage ds happy. I love the freedom, getting to know who I really am. Learning to manage situations alone and looking forward to the future and what it may bring. Onwards and upwards!

Separated for 2 years, about to apply for Decree Absolute. With him for 13 years, married for 9.

No children. I am truly so much happier. I tried for 10 years to get him to go to Dr because I thought he was depressed. He refused, but did after we split up. He cheated. I found out and ended it. It was me that filed for divorce.

I can't lie. He's now with someone else, she's good for him. It does hurt that all of a sudden it's holidays, meals out, long dog walks, adventure sports etc. He refused all of that with me, and made my life miserable for years.

Now I've just started dating someone I've know for a while. I ordered a new bed and bed linen. I haven't got to consider his negativity when buying anything. My social life is back .

It's not easy, but if the marriage is really over, it is worth it

I am loving these and really needed them today

Nearly two years after leaving. Today I have been at work in a job I love, couldn't do it when married. Kids have just gone off happily to their dads so I am having half an hours peace before going out on a first date. Life is not always easy but it certainly wasn't before. It is now 1000 times better.

No matter how bad you might feel anything is happy than being in a rotten marriage. I thought my world would end but it was just me and DS and we loved it. Second marriage now and DS and I often say oh do you remember when it was just us and we used to do this etc etc. We had lots of fun!

Separated in Jan, awaiting Dec Abs, but almost there.
Today DC (all under 3) woke up and I put them all in my bed. Older one played on the iPad for a little while. I rolled round with the younger ones and made them giggle. Olest joined in. We stayed there till 9.30 just loving life. Had a late breakfast. Got ready at the pace we wanted to and then went to see the great grandparents where we had lunch (vegetable soup, the waffles with cream and strawberries) and the DC got spoilt rotten.

On the way home we ate swets, sang at the top of our voices in the car and generally just made a shit load of noise!

We got home and took some diggers out in the garden to play in the mud and create a mess. The garden is covered in 'mud pies'.

The DC went to see their dad at 4.30 (due back at 6.30) I have cooked what I want to eat and made enough for lunch tomorrow too.

I haven't tidied up. This mornings dishes are still in the sink. I've spent the last 2 hours drinking wine in the garden and having some 'me time' MN-ing ....I'll clean when the children are in bed.

Never been so relaxed!

Divorced last year. He doesn't have much contact with DD, which is her preference so she is happy and settled, but meabs I'm unlikely to be dating in the near future! Spent today at a zoo with a friend and our kids, really relaxed and fun, no stressing about when I needed to be at home or managing exH's mood. Life is good, I am happy and settled (with occasional moments of frustration, but without anyone else taking out their frustration on me!) I remain far happier single than I was in my miserable marriage.

As one who has been through the mill for nearly 4 years with everything thrown at us left right and centre without going into to much detail, I can genuinely say it is not always going to be like this. Remember something you really loved to do before you met dxh and do it all again, I have started to do all the things I stopped because I never had time because I was basically a second mother to a spoilt man, its liberating, and it will be the same for all your lovely ladies out there going through the same as me , bless you all.

oops Xdh :O)

I've just come back from a week away with my lovely DP of 4 years. Our DCs stayed with their respective other parents so we were able to totally relax, knowing they were well taken care of and without 'owing' anyone any favours for 'babysitting' as it's their other parents' job!

One of the reasons I left XH was that he hated holidays, "same shit, different location" and made everything miserable. We actually split up after a particularly stressful holiday. Met DP 6 months later and have been blissfully happy ever since.

It's not without its complications, but my only regret is not divorcing sooner. I wasted so many years in a grey, stagnant marriage. I like to think I'd have met DP whatever had happened, but either way, XH and I were just not compatible.

My DCs are all happy and well-adjusted. In the beginning of course they were upset, as were we, but now they see that we are both happier in our own worlds they understand and appreciate getting the best of both mum and dad.

I discovered my ExH affair in 2011 and decree absolute in 2013. He has remarried to one of his OW, I'm single and staying that way.

Whilst I regret all the (many) years I wasted with him, I can honestly say that life is so much better now with our a moany critical manchild. I love living alone with the DC. The house is decorated to my taste, not his and I have a lovely new bed in a bedroom which is all mine. I'm never sharing a bedroom or a bathroom again and I love the fact that the DC and I can just "be" and hang out at home without having to pander to his constant need to be entertained.

The DC are growing up into lovely thoughtful young people and we have some great times just hanging out and talking about random stuff. I wouldn't go back in a million years.

My very long marriage seems now to have just been something distant and unpleasant which has largely disappeared from my memory banks, almost as if I read about it in a newspaper, rather than something I actually went through.

and like others, my DCs spend more quality time with their dad than when he lived here as he is forced to actually parent them for his one day a week, rather than dodging responsibility and pretending to be busy in the garage!

Separated for 3 years, working on papers.

Kids (6 & 3) got into my bed, hung out a bit, breakfast together. Walked them to holiday club, worked all day, brought them back. Played/gardened together, then ate together and DS helped clear up. Bath time and bed for them, then I did 2 hours work on my PhD which I started after leaving xH.

XH lives overseas and doesn't contribute financially and sometimes I feel really sorry for my kids not having a dad around, but I felt like that when we were together. I am a totally different person to when we were together. He is coming to stay this month (comes twice a year to see them) and I'm not terrified, doubting myself or really thinking about him at all. All that head space is free: I am free. It's amazing.

This thread is amazing!!

Finally separated last summer after years of my prevaricating and doubting how I'd be able to cope without him... Turns out, I can!!

Managed to stay in our family home. Taken on the mortgage on my own. Go me!! Obvs money is tight and I have to watch what I spend but it's all worth it.

Kids seem to get better time with Dad as he has to man up to the job. Did the minimum when he lived here. Whilst the day to day grind of school, work etc can be tough, I make the most of my child free weekends. And the weekend I have my kids I plan loads of stuff so we have lots of fun and good times.

Seeing a new chap who has 2 kids similar ages. Whilst we don't see each other often, we have lots of fun when we do.

The only negative I have is that sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the massive responsibility of it all... I never thought I'd be a single Mum and I wish for my kids that I wasn't, but sadly my ExH put me in a position where our marriage was untenable.

And what am I doing today... Finished work and packing my bag this evening for a couple of nights away with new chap...