ExP and step children

[Froginapan]

Long story short:

Ex partner whom we have a child with has dropped all contact with my eldest child.

He has been his father for over four years over 3 of which we lived together as a family unit.

We've been separated for a while now after a domestic violence incident.

In amongst various usual The Abuser's Manual claims of me being an unfit mother, blah blah blah, he is pretending I don't exist (whatever) but he is also pretending eldest child doesn't exist.

Their relationship had been strained for some time and he was abusive towards eldest child (EA) but this is really really low.

I'm doing my best to bolster eldest's self esteem.

Any suggestions would be most appreciated as to how to handle this

If someone were to 'allege' that I'd ruined their life, I'd have no compunction about going the whole hog.

Do you have a solicitor and have they advised you to apply for a property order for the benefit of the dc you have with your abuser?

I have a solicitor - that's when things started to get nasty.

She seems to have things pretty much in hand and is well versed in dealing with DV.

Part of me just wants to pack everything up and move away but I know that would be the wrong thing to do.

Everywhere I look though, every where I go locally, there are memories of very happy times.

I need to get my self respect back and get out of this funk.

Talk to your solicitor about registering an interest in the property that he owns, and you are currently living in, on behalf of yourself (if applicable) and/or the dc you have with him. As a victim of dv you may be eligble for legal aid in this matter.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/relationship-breakdown-and-housing/if-you-live-with-your-partner-relationship-breakdown-and-housing/if-you-live-with-your-partner-and-you-own-your-home-relationship-breakdown-and-housing/relationship-breakdown-and-housing-beneficial-interest-if-your-partner-owns-the-home/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/relationship-breakdown-and-housing/if-you-live-with-your-partner-relationship-breakdown-and-housing/if-you-live-with-your-partner-and-you-own-your-home-relationship-breakdown-and-housing/relationship-breakdown-and-housing-transferring-property-for-the-benefit-of-children-for-couples-who-live-together/

Thanks for the information, goddess.

I'm not sure if I will try to stay - it will make him even angrier: he's already made allegations of me being unable to cope with the children etc

Don't see it as a matter of you trying stay; it's about doing what is right for the benefit of your dc.

His 'allegations' are a case of 'well he would say that, wouldn't he?' as abusive twunts always try to make out they're the victims of unhinged females.

Yes. You've nailed it. I'm so damned confused by it all that I no longer know which way is up.

I started therapy last week - my primary concern? Is there something wrong with me?

There's nothing wrong with you. You've done the right thing and instead of wishing you didn't call the police you need to concentrate on the horrible things the knobjockey did to you and the dc instead of wishing it was all back to normal.

It's hard knowing it's all down to you but if you stay strong you'll get back to you soon enough. You cannot go back, if you do your ds will suffer more.

I don't wish it was back to normal, not really, I wish the past 4+ years of my life hadn't been a lie.