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Original poster

boyfriend suddenly vanished

75 replies

Grace86 · 08/05/2016 02:01

My boyfriend (we have been together for a little over a year) has been in Asia for work for the past few weeks and during this time we have kept in regular contact (calling or texting daily). On Friday I sent him a text and it remained undelivered (meaning his phone was off). I didn’t think anything of it until it had been a full day without any contact from. I tried to call him and his phone was off, so I sent an email telling him I was worried about him and asking him to contact me when he got the message. This morning there was still no response from him and his phone was still off, so of course my mind started to go into overdrive with worries about him being hurt/sick in Asia and something being horribly wrong. I then sent an email to his work email and in response received an away message stating that he would be away from his email for the weekend. So now I am livid. I have no idea what he is up to and can only think that he is gone on a weekend holiday in Asia and didn’t bother to tell me and has turned his phone off. I have no idea what to do. He does like to disconnect a bit when he is on holiday but he has never done this before (he has never not told me when he was going away and always checks in).

Any advice on how to deal with this? I am so hurt that he would do this because he knows full well that I would be worried about him.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/05/2016 16:43

Contacting the hotel as Ginkypig suggests is an option, if you're really that worried about him. Thing is, he may be staying in another hotel one or more nights over this weekend so it may make you more worried than relieved because you wont know.

Think of it this way; he's an adult. He knows how and where to get help better than you will as he's in the country. For whatever reason, he hasn't contacted you. I understand that you're concerned but also hurt and as haveacupoftea says, not in his thoughts right now. If I were in your position, I would trust that he's ok and I'd let him make contact when he deigns to.

I really wouldn't be chasing or checking on him. Really, do not contact his office and don't contact his parents either. It's a bit much if you haven't met them. As they say, no news is good news. Stop expending energy on somebody who isn't doing the same for you - and I mean that kindly, I'd tell my best friend the very same.

IthinkIamsinking · 08/05/2016 16:52

Hang on a minute...... you have not had a response to a text you sent on Friday and it is barely two days later.
Absolutely do not contact his parents or office.
His email says he is out of the office
I'd be more concerned that I hadn't met his parents after a year of dating

He does like to disconnect a bit when he is on holiday
This.

ApocalypseSlough · 08/05/2016 16:55

Facebook message and wassapp. I can tell whether my DC have lost their phones/ asleep or just lying low that way.

goddessofsmallthings · 08/05/2016 17:03

I guess its possible that he has traveled to a part of Asia where he could't get phone or internet access but didn't realise that would be the case before he left so he didn't realise that he wouldn't be able to contact me whilst there? Is that to far fetched?

To my mind this isn't at all far fetched and I would assume that he accepted a last minute invitation from a colleague to go somewhere over the weekend without realising that his phone would be off grid.

Have you checked national holidays for the country he's visiting? If he's in Thailand there's a bank holiday tomorrow but, in any event, I suggest you leave it until, say, Wednesday before calling him at work again.

On no account should you "reach out" to his dps, who you are yet to meet, unless you receive news that they may not have heard which, in itself, is highly unlikely as they are no doubt named as his next of kin in the event of accident/emergency.

Try to contain your fears as the most probable explanation is what's occurred and you'll hear from him when he's returned to 'civilisation'.

Original poster
Grace86 · 08/05/2016 17:24

The reason why I am worried has nothing to do with the fact that we haven't talked for three days, I wouldn't care at all if I had just known that he was going to be away and therefore I wouldn't be worried.

If I did this to him he would be livid.

Ithink: I haven't met his parents yet because they live thousands of miles away from us.

Goddess: this is probably the most realistic explanation.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/05/2016 17:40

Grace, you might like to think that he'd be livid if the boot were on the other foot but it's more likely that he wouldn't. It obviously hasn't entered his head that you are worried and there's no reason to suppose that anything has happened to him so why would you think that it would concern him the other way around. Do you think he's doing this on purpose? That would be the only reason that he'd expect more of you than he would do.

He is working in that country, presumably he's not on his own wherever he is. If he needs help, he will know where to get it from - you won't.

You're working yourself up when as Goddess says, this is probably down to no signal/mode of contacting you. Try not to worry.

lavenderhoney · 08/05/2016 17:41

I agree, I wouldn't start phoning round.

The thing is- you haven't contacted him to his knowledge for 3 days. He hasn't received the text messages and if he is out of range, he won't get emails either.

I expect he's been invited on a boat trip or something and there isn't a plug socket/ wifi. You'll know soon enough, especially if there is a BH on Monday. There's nothing he or you can do about that, and he could be as worried as you, iyswim.

goddessofsmallthings · 08/05/2016 18:19

If I did this to him he would be livid I'd have some concern about anyone who became 'livid' at lack of contact if it was down to circumstances beyond my control because that can't be said to be a deliberate act of causing them needless worry/concern as to my whereabouts.

He could be as frustrated as you are that he's not in contact , but if he's exploring further afield for a few days/a week that wouldn't be reason to cut his trip short.

When is he due back from his work travels?

IthinkIamsinking · 08/05/2016 18:34

I feel absolutely sick
Livid
maybe he just doesn't care enough to let me know he would be away
unable to really sleep or concentrate on anything else.

Two days non contact. He is in another country. Seriously...... you need to calm down a bit.

Bringiton2016 · 08/05/2016 18:36

I think that you're getting a raw deal from some posters here. If someone you care about goes off radar, of course you're going to worry. You will have to figure out your response to his story when he springs back up on Monday. Hope you hear from him soon. What country is he in?

Mrskeats · 08/05/2016 18:54

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all here
I always think the worst and would be very worried also
I think this is all very selfish

Original poster
Grace86 · 08/05/2016 18:56

Thank you Bringiton.

Again - I wouldn't care if we weren't speaking if he had told me he was going away/going to be away from his phone. I am only upset/worried because he suddenly vanished and he has never done this before. Yes, he would be upset if I did this to him because he would be worried about my safety.

OP posts:
Bringiton2016 · 08/05/2016 19:07

Most people would be worried; you don't need to justify yourself.

If he's in Asia there are so many possible different scenarios as to what's happened. If he's purposely not contacted you then you need to think about continuing the relationship. It could be he's ended up somewhere with no phone signal but there's usually Internet access. Depends where he is.

Mummylinda78 · 08/05/2016 19:08

I wouldn't mind personally he's just having a bit of him time I think you're overeacting

BorisIsBack · 08/05/2016 19:17

Can you tell us where in Asia he is?

Original poster
Grace86 · 08/05/2016 20:10

Singapore. Although, no idea where he is now.

OP posts:
LisaRinnasLips · 08/05/2016 20:25

Sounds like he lost his phone tbh. I'm sure he'll call you soon

moggiek · 08/05/2016 20:31

Try not to worry, although I absolutely understand why you are.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/05/2016 20:36

I am thinking his phone is sitting on the little table next to the front door of his flat in Singapore, lonely and forgotten. And he is worrying about you worrying about him.

Footle · 08/05/2016 22:36

Singapore is not the Wild East.

goddessofsmallthings · 08/05/2016 23:35

Singapore and Kuala Lumpur have excellent phone/internet coverage, especially if you switch to a local simcard ,but it isn't necessarily the case in other parts of Malaysia.

I would assume that he's either lost his phone, forgotten to take it with him, or he can't get a signal, and expect to hear from him sometime in the coming week.

Isetan · 09/05/2016 05:44

I went backpacking through Singapore 16 years ago and convectively, it was way ahead of much of the U.K. back then, I can not imagine it has stood still. I'm sorry, the most likely reason he hasn't contacted you is probably because he hasn't thought about it. I suspect he's in holiday mode and that probably includes from his private life too.

BorisIsBack · 09/05/2016 14:35

Any news grace?!

Helen1966 · 09/05/2016 18:10

Just read all of this long thread only to find no conclusion or update from the OP.

So did your boyfriend turn up? I really hope he was ok afterall.

No update from the OP could be ominous.

Marilynsbigsister · 09/05/2016 18:17

What happened OP. Has he contacted you yet ?