I feel like I'm losing my mind

[Anywayforward88]

Me and dh are terrible I'm at a point where I've been broken and now I've given up caring. My life isn't what I wanted. We have terrible sex once a week. I have a big sex drive, this really bothers me. He's constantly tired but took a job that means he works stupid shifts and I told him not to. He's not a nice person, he expects too much of me, he expects me to wait up to ridiculous hours for him just for him to eat then go to sleep. I found him browsing adults sites days before our wedding, I was that shocked I couldn't cancel it and I continued, that was a huge mistake and all my fault. He told me he can't cope with our children, I struggle they are very hard work so I understand I'm at rock bottom

Sorry to hear you're having a hard times. How young are your kids? X

They are 4&1 the older one has health problems and gets up around 7 times in the night

What's his reaction when you tell him this?

He wants to try, we have tried! We have great family days but we do it for the kids, we aren't the same as we were. I'm devastated, I just don't think we can carry on as a couple. How do you move on from thinking your husband wanted to fuck someone else?

Don't be too hard on yourself for marrying him, especially if you already had a child or 2 by then (not sure on your time scales). Your kids, and yourself, are better financially protected in the future thanks to that marriage - speaking as someone who did not marry and had to pay out equity without any maintenance in return, that makes life harder for years - well, forever actually.
Be honest about the scope for improvement, was sex a lot better in the early days or has it never been the best with him? Also, he can express a preference to see you at inconvenient time of the day, but to deliver it as an expectation, well that is obviously not on and at the very least should be ignored on your part. Whatever odd shifts he does, people are still entitled, and have, days off in between, I know, I have always worked shifts. These are the moments where normality can resume. It may be a red herring to put his bad behaviour and the demise of your relationship down to the work he is doing.
Seems like there is a lot to address, if you can't discuss these things openly, then you have other issues too.
You don't mention if you work or have plans to, would it be possible for both of you to work part time and share the family load more? Sometimes an option.