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Relationships

Trust issues

43 replies

KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 07:56

I have been with DP for almost 2 years.

We had a very rocky start due to his ex, however, we became inseparable pretty quickly.

He works in sales so spends a lot of time on the road travelling. He has an office based team that book his appointments so is in constant contact with them.

His relationship with his team was always good and he would spend a lot of time chatting... not only about work but also what's happening in his personal life.

One of his team members is a woman.... I'm guessing she's about 26ish. She's very pretty and he seemed to spend a lot more time talking to her than the chaps.

One day I was laying next to him watching a film and he got a whatsapp. I noticed it was her. I quizzed him so he scrolled up the page and I noticed she had sent him pics of her new hairdo and he'd obviously stopped somewhere for a coffee which was a beautiful lake (where he takes me when we go out on the motorbike) and he'd sent her a picture of that. I told him outright I didn't like it and he told me it was innocent and not to worry.

Then I noticed she's also on his Facebook.... I'm OK with that. Then I notice she's on his instagram..... I don't even know why he has instagram because he set it up to see his kids pics so he has them on it, a couple of random and her. Then I notice she's on his twitter. Again, he rarely uses twitter. It has his kids, a few motorbike people. And her. Then lo and behold he opens his snapchat to see kids stories (as he only uses it for them) and there she is again.

So I probably wouldn't bother if all his workmates were on all these things but they aren't. It's just her. And I truly believe it's him that's looked for her and added her. But why?

There's another woman who he works with that he has to meet up with for meetings too but I don't get why she's the only one. He doesn't seem to have to meet up with any of the blokes.

I don't think he'd ever do anything behind my back but I can't seem to make him understand that his overall "friendliness" could quite easily be misinterpreted.

Maybe I don't have trust issues. Maybe I'm just a jealous bitch.... I'd hate to think that though.

The way I see it, with regards 1st woman he speaks to her on and off ALL DAY in the car. I don't get why he also needs her on these other apps too.

Somebody shake me... I am being a nightmare GF and I don't want to be freaking every time his phone goes off :(

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Becky546 · 06/05/2016 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Becky546 · 06/05/2016 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 12:12

I think EXW based her judgement on this colleagues looks alone.... she is a stunning young woman and I've no doubt she could have her pick of the chaps should she so desire.

The hair pic.... I couldn't see any conversation before, it just seemed to be the first message. I was more pissed off that she has his personal number to be honest. I don't get why she needs his personal number when his work phone is always on and has whatsapp on it. Seemed unnecessary her having his personal number. Again.... probably me being a paranoid jealous bitch from hell lol.

The message with the picture of what I saw as our special place at the lake.... think it went along the lines of "parked somewhere beautiful" I can't quite remember.

I have literally given up everything to be with this guy.... maybe I'm getting jumpy because I feel trapped I don't know. Everything I had in my house has gone and all I brought here with me was a trailer full of stuff (which until last week had had to stay in the trailer as there is no room in the house).... it's now been spread between the loftspace and shed.

I have alarm bells ringing. But I'm trying to be rational

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KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 12:13

I haven't asked him to give anything up Becky

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hellsbellsmelons · 06/05/2016 12:16

Listen to those alarm bells.
The more you write the more alarmed I am becoming.
Why did you give up everything?
Do you have a fall back position?
What situation were you in before?

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FuckoffDM · 06/05/2016 12:24

So sorry to hear you are feeling like this, I have experienced similar myself.The worry can start to eat away at you.

If he isn't hiding any of this from you then that is a positive sign. He may just be oblivious to how it looks to you. How well do you know here? Could you start following her on twitter and instagram too to get a better idea of what she's like and if she seems flirty with lots of people?

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WannaBe · 06/05/2016 12:26

Hang on a minute. This female friendship aside, you're in a relationship with a man who:

You have given up everything for
Who didn't like your female friend so you toned down the friendship
Doesn't like you being on your phone so you've given that up
Doesn't like you watching certain programmes so you've stopped....

And you say he was the one who was in an abusive relationship? Are you sure?

Don't get me wrong I am usually one of the first to defend the position of a man who claims to be the victim of abuse given that the trend is more towards not believing a man over a woman, but I really don't like the sound of this one or the relationship he has built around you. His female friendship is IMO secondary to the fact that it appears you are already being isolated by him.

What actual evidence do you have that he was a victim of domestic violence rather than the perpetrator of it?

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KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 12:27

I had a rented place.

My furniture wasn't great but it was mine and I appreciated it because it had taken me a long time to save for what I had.

My sofa was a 2nd hand 50 quid one.... his is a 4 grand one (that I hate) so stuff like that I wouldn't expect him to get rid of. But most importantly it was mine. I chose it. As with everything else. I came here to him after he'd bought the house so it was all set up. (I wouldn't expect him to get rid of his sofa BTW.... that's just an example)

I don't really have a fall back.... feel like I've invested a lot in this trust and commitment wise so I need to rationalise and stop being so needy.

He has his motorbikes.... he goes off on them. He went off camping in Feb on it and plans to start blood biking at weekends. I'm fine with that.

I'm honestly not stopping him from doing things.

I can't really do stuff cos my kids are younger and they're here 7 days a week. Mum occasionally has them on a Sunday so we can have some time.

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FuckoffDM · 06/05/2016 12:32

Sounds like your self-esteem has taken a battering

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Becky546 · 06/05/2016 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HuskyLover1 · 06/05/2016 12:38

His ex isolated him.... didn't let him socialise with folk (I know she had massive issues with this colleague though)

You only have your BF's version of his relationship with his Ex. The fact that his Ex had issues with this colleague, is a worry to me.

She messaged and called constantly through the day and it interrupted our time in the evenings. He didn't like it so I allowed the friendship to drift to a more normal level

He pointed out that I would get too sucked into games on my phone so I deleted everything

I enjoyed paranormal events, and anything a bit weird.... he didnt like it so i stopped

It sounds as though he is controlling you.

Personally, I would get hold of his phone at some point and go through it, with a fine tooth comb. Only then will you really know what you're dealing with.

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SmokyJoJo · 06/05/2016 13:25

Hi Kelle
As Wannabe said, what proof do you have re the domestic abuse?
How come you're giving up hobbies/toning down friendships when HE doesn't approve?
This friendship would piss me off as well (the photos, the fact she is attached to all his social media)
Is there something else underlying here that you're not disclosing?

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KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 13:45

No I'm not holding anything I don't think Shock

I know about stuff that happened with his ex as I lived over the road from his mum. I sat in on visits from the police (it went on and on for over 12 months) and read the divorce things that said about her unreasonable behaviour... which she admitted to

X

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hellsbellsmelons · 06/05/2016 15:32

Read this again and let us know why you keep letting him dictate what you can and cannot do!?

You have given up everything for
Who didn't like your female friend so you toned down the friendship
Doesn't like you being on your phone so you've given that up
Doesn't like you watching certain programmes so you've stopped..

WTF???

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DarrenHardysDrongo · 06/05/2016 15:45

How long ago did he split up with his ex? Sounds like he divorced her, is that right?

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KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 16:54

He split up with her about 6 months before we got together, and yes he divorced her.

At the end of the day I love the bones of this man.... I guess I don't want to do anything that's going to cause any problems. Including being unreasonable and jealous Sad

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SmokyJoJo · 06/05/2016 17:56

I don't think it's unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about this colleague of his.

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KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 18:22

I just want to feel normal....

I want to be OK with everything. I trust him not to go out and seek an affair out.... I just don't like how it makes me feel knowing this woman is on everything.

I've been rational about it and also irrational. The only people he has on EVERYTHING are his kids. And her. Even his other family members and friends are only really on his fb. Nobody but her and the kids are on everything.

I'm clearly just not right in the head to be getting so upset over this

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