need to talk to someone about this....

[fifiandtheflowertots]

i dont know where to start really as thinking about this makes me feel sick..and im not bothering to name change because this will make it worse
a while back just after ds was born 8 months ago i found some messages on dp's phone and it turned out that one of the girls from work had been askinghim to go out for a drink and he'd turned her down but she wouldnt accept and kept hassling him and threatening to tell me that loads if things had happened.
Anyway i spoke to someone from work ( we both work at the same place ) and she's said that nothing had happened and things had got a bit out of hand on this other girls side.
We had a few issues after that about him looking at porn and dating sites which he said were from before we got together but eventually got back on track after a few months of hard work.
But today....
i was checking an old email account that dp used to use but i used somethimes as well and found that he had been emailing a man that we both know and had been arranging to meet him to do x,y and z.
This was from just before we got together but now i just feel torn apart. I dont know if i should mention it or try and forget it as things have been good since we sorted out our other issues.
i cant stop shaking, mainly out of anger and embarrasment.

What exactly was X,Y and Z?

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until we know what x y and z is its tough to know what is so terrible.

didnt say exactly but the other man was asking dp if he was going to be horny and if he was ready for some fun..i dont know what to do dp should be home within the next 30 mins or so and not sure if i should say anything

Oh goodness you poor thing. I can't imagine what i would do if i was to discover something like that. If you were to confront him about it, is it going to help or make things between you tricky again. Oh god, what to do? I think maybe you should sleep on it, and see how you feel in a few days maybe? Sorry i'm not much help xx

oh dear did you know he was interested in men as well? Don't forget it was before you got togther

If its before you got together, then, I think you just need to leave it and let it go. He is with you know. If he hasnt contacted this guy since being with you then I really think you shouldnt be concerned.

oh you poor thing what a horrid thing to read

now not know......

the thing is things have been more or less perfect for the past few months, we've even just booked a holiday for the summer and are going away with his mum in a few weeks for a long weekend.
I dont know if i can cope with what he might say though

I woulkd be tempted to ask him about it but to tell him that you understand that it was before you got together. Does it affect the way you feel about him? I really hope not. He might be ashamed/embarassed of his past sexual relaionships and that is why he hasn't told you? Maybe he thinks you wouldn't want him if you knew

the only thing thats come close to this before is when he was on the dating sites he'd put down on his profile that he was open minded when it come to his sexuality, but fgs we've just had ds so surely he wouldnt be here if he didnt want to be, oh i just dont know what to thin
k i just cant stop shaking

I have to say iiwy I would try to talk to him about it today, I certainly couldn't sleep if that was on my mind. Did you know that he was bisexual, does it bother you, can you live with it. I mean as far as you know he hasn't been unfaithful to you has he so maybe this is just a facet of his sexuality, it doesn't mean he has to act on it.

I really don't think you can just let it go without saying something about it. You need to know if he still has feelins for other men for a start. You can't live feeling like this, you need to have some clarification for your own piece of mind.

i know he hasnt cheated or even been with anyone else since we've been together, well at least i think he hasnt.
I dont knkow how id feel if he has been doing this with this bloke. Before we moved in together he was staying at this mans house for a few weeks after he sold his flat but i stayed there with him most nights, but what happened when i went home thats what im thinking about now, god i feel sick

I'm with Carmenere, I think it's important to have a frank discussion about his sexuality so you know where you stand. If he has not been unfaithful to you and these (possible) homosexual experiences are something he does not wish to pursue now he is with you, I think I'd try to move on. It's the not knowing that would kill me.

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he'll be in soon and i just dont know what to do,or if i even want to be here when he gets in

Oh fifi you poor poor thing - please do not bury your head in the sand. You do really need to confront him and understand if this is just an urge that can be dealt with counselling etc or in fact something has happened, think of STD's etc., don't put yourself at risk. I know you desperately love him and don't want to lose him but honestly you must understand what is going on. Good luck - mn's are all here to help/talk. Take care.

thanks everyone, im going to have to say something to him, he's going to know theres something wrong when he gets in anyway. I just dont know if i can even look at him and im dreading what im going to hear.
Last time when i confronted him about the porn an dthings he changed straight away and hasn't done it since, but this is different, this is something thats really happened not just something that he's looked at on the internet

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Fifi - I think, just because he 'may' be bi-sexual, doesnt mean he will sleep with any man that shakes his ass at him.

I think you need to calm down, take a step back and think things through.

I dont think there is anything to worry about.

I do think that you should ask him, more because you will always wonder if you don?t, and that could affect your relationship anyway. But I do think that you need to go into this with an open mind.

You say these things happened before you got together, it may be something that he didn?t feel the need to mention, especially if he no longer has these feelings. Lots of people have a past, and unless it affects their future, there really isn?t always the need to tell all about it. For some people, the past is something they would rather forget and that is why they don?t necessarily come clean to their partners about it.

You say that he?s not been with anyone else since you?ve been together, that is what you should be focussing on now, what?s in the past is in the past, he?s with you now, you have your ds, and your relationship is where it should be. If something happened with this man, it was before you got together, try not to let it affect what you have now.

Good luck xx