Going to keep this as short as possible and hopefully it won't be identifying. I'm mid twenties, with (now ex) boyfriend in mid thirties for 6 months. He has 17 year old DD from ex partner. I live with friends, he lives with his mother and brother in local authority housing nearby.
We were together for 6 months (the L-word was thrown around, by him) and though I enjoyed his company and he seemed serious, asking if he could meet my family, I had doubts about our long term compatibility. It was apparent we have very different expectations about what a healthy, balanced relationship looks like (plus one stellar incident where he took a load of MDMA and then gave me a lift without telling me, when I picked him up on it he said "well we didn't crash did we!?") so after a few weeks of arguing I called it a day. Cue begging and pleading on his part, saying he would change, he didn't realise how much he would miss me, etc etc. I was resistant at first but we tentatively started seeing each other again and he didn't put a foot wrong, planning things for us to do, and I really thought he had seen the error of his ways. This lasted all of two weeks until my recent birthday, where I booked a dinner for my friends to celebrate, including some of their partners. This was the night before my birthday.
He couldn't make it because apparently his mum (who makes the rent payments to local authority for their flat, he and his brother pay her and she pays the total, yes this man and his brother are in their 30s) had "f*cked up the rent" and apparently received a 7 day eviction notice, leaving him and his brother to find £2000 to pay it off. Which he decided to do by working for one of his friends who is a drug dealer. He couldn't attend the meal because he was harvesting weed in one of the friend's grow houses. I wish I was making this up.
I told him I wasn't pleased about the lack of appearance and felt humiliated (he already isn't popular with my friends after not treating me well the first time round.) I asked if anything would be happening on my birthday and he said he might come round with a card. I didn't blow my top and tried to hold it together but told him it wasn't really OK that he has essentially done nothing and let me down on a day that's supposed to be special. I'm not a "birthday princess" by any stretch of the imagination and I'm a big believer in meaningful things which aren't expensive, it could have been as simple as him coming round after the meal to stay the night so I could have woken up with him on my birthday, we could have taken the day off work together and gone for a picnic in the park, it's not about expensive gifts but rather the thought and consideration at making someone feel "special" on their birthday. He lashed out then, telling me I had "ruined my own birthday for myself" that I was a "fcking spoilt brat" "you're pathetic and selfish you fcking child", in a torrent of messages that went on all day (the birthday) leaving me on the verge of tears at work. When I said I didn't want to be with someone who works for a drug dealer (not an unreasonable request I feel?!) he accused me of being "f*cking full of myself".
As a side note, he didn't get me flowers (he booked a restaurant for dinner, but they "cancelled his booking" and he didn't bother to find anywhere else) on Valentines because he "didn't know which ones I liked" this is on a holiday where the flowers are literally selected for easy purchase. Bit of a red flag, maybe I should have taken more heed. Oh and he used to throw in that I thought I was so much more intelligent than him "because I had a degree" during arguments.
Anyway I had an epiphany after spending most of my birthday on the verge of tears after receiving his horrible messages, I've gone No Contact and blocked his number, along with all social media, which felt horrible but I feel I've dodged a bullet there. I've been in abusive relationships before (mostly emotional abuse but some physical too) and was in therapy last year, clearly I have some more work to do I think! It's scary how you can let little things slide until they become Big Things and suddenly you find yourself in a ridiculous situation being treated like an afterthought.
I just wanted to get a bit of outside perspective as I feel that my handle on bad treatment in relationships is a bit skewed (I feel a bit like "damaged goods" so I accept sub-par treatment because I think that's "all I'll ever get") If you got to the bottom of this, thanks for reading.