Me and dh have friends whom live very near us and whom we met when we moved into our house 10 years ago. They are older than us, no children. We regularly borrow stuff off each other, go round for chats, they'll occasionally mind our dc's. Following them having a recent family bereavement I invited friend round for cup of tea and chat as she was struggling with the loss. I was expecting to offer tea, sympathy and warm words about her loss but instead she started telling me about her dh and how basically he was psychologically, emotionally and financially abusing her and had done so for many years. She also disclosed he'd hit her on a few occasions when he was 'angry' with her. She showed me recent texts from him, calling her a bitch, selfish control freak etc. She spoke of how he'll just go out for hours on end, frequently socialising with newly acquired younger (male and female) friends, telling her she has no friends and no one like her. He's spent all her money buying gadgets etc but gets annoyed if she buys herself something. He somehow persuaded her to sign her savings account over to her and basically has spent all of her money. He's now insisting she cash in a pension she has as they 'need the money'.
The house they live in is mortgaged in her name only but she says she knows he'll never leave and he has nowhere to go- not that she's asked him to leave. She spoke of feeling scared of him and of confronting him so feels she just has to carry on as she is.
I just cannot believe it. I told my dh who was also completely shocked too. Over past 10 years they've seemed such a lovely, happy, devoted couple. He's always been lovely to us (as he is to everyone except his wife it seems). I know I only have her side of the story but I have no reason to disbelieve her. I feel ill have to 'carry on like normal' as don't want to put her at risk by letting him know I know but acting 'normally' is going to be so bloody difficult. She doesn't want to seek professional help nor police involvement but seemed genuinely scared for her safety as his behaviour seems to be escalating. All I've said to her is we're here for her day or night. There's nothing else I can do is there?