Happily single people - how do you handle the 'any gossip' questions?

[cavaliercleo]

Having been happily single for a number of years (I have 2 DCs, was married to their father and had other relationships), I am getting fed up with the very regular 'how's your love life?' and 'any gossip?' questions. And the disbelieving faces when I say 'No ' with a smile on my face, 'I'm having a great time, thanks' or similar. I genuinely believe I'm one of a sizeable minority whose default mode is single (but not asexual). And I understand it's hard for others to understand or believe. Anyone got a good response (without being rude) that I can come back with to these questions but with whom I don't want to have a major discussion about my lack of interest (my close family and friends have given up asking). Thank you!

Just say no, and i understand you're showing an interest so thank you, but if i have something to share wih you i'll do it in my own time.

I used to get asked constantly when i'd start trying for a baby until i eventually just bluntly but politely told people they were making me feel uncomfortable.

Ask them if they really want to be this guy

I remember it used to drive me mad in my early 30s, when most of my friends had got married. I was always in and out of relationships - like a typical Bridget Jones - no kids yet. I was constantly asked how my love- life was, as if it was an interesting drama to brighten up their boring married lives. They sat from their smug comfortable (albeit rather dull) marriages and watched my dramas unfold. I hated it, and I was so tempted to ask how their sex lives were, how often they did it, if the orgasmed every time etc. But strangely it seemed that marriage gave people immunity from prying questions, whereas single people were fair game for anyone's nosiness. Still makes me cross now!

bubbles that one is so going in my response list! Will become my default answer! Love it!

marriage gave people immunity from prying questions

No, they just get asked when they are having kids/having another kid.

Just say your love life is awesome! Single life is awesome don't have to consult someone before making plans, don't have to tell someone where u are going or what you have done! No drama, no one getting under your feet and pissing you off!

Love life is all about loving yourself and your kids!

Or maybe say I love myself too much and no room or time for me to love anybody else lol

Turn the conversation to themselves, it usually works pretty well.

Oh god yes to the kids questions!

Actually you know what we really need to get through to people how rude and thoughtless and even cruel these questions can be!

I have one friend who in her 30's would have loved to meet the right guy but relationships kept ending because she couldn't have children (cancer + hysterectomy at 31), guys were saying they were fine not having kids then changing their minds.

I also had another who doesn't want kids as she'd had a really unhappy abusive childhood, her husband is absolutely fine with it but people who barely know them think it's ok to ask 'why no kids yet you'd better get a hurry on you're not getting any younger'

Another friend is a rape victim, he was her partner, she is currently getting counselling but isn't ready for a relationship if she ever will be again - again people who aren't close enough to know this asking her constantly if there's anyone she has her eye on!

Myself - again people who didn't know me well enough - asking 'why no kids yet' dd didn't happen till almost 6 years married as I had mc's and other medical issues.

Several friends the same, at the time they were being asked they were dealing with infertility/mc/Gynae issues even recovering from stillbirth.

I think it should simply be considered TOO RUDE TO ASK!

I pretend I haven't heard them and instead they asked about the weather. If I don't like them I might want to say " how funny, your dh was asking me the same" because it's usually women asking. I am not brave enough though.

Someone asked me the other day why I was divorced. They barely know me! I said it wasn't something I felt comfortable discussing.

One of my dd friends mum won't let me in her house because I am divorced.

I can't believe this seriously bothers you. If it does then just make up an answer - two ways to go - low level believable ("It's all very new so I'd rather not talk about it - don't want to jinx it) OR plainly ridiculous ("I'm so glad you asked. l I'm having an affair with a married Judge but I can't talk about it because it's the subject of a super injunction and Ryan Giggs was involved."

Oh yes, I'd love to be brave enough to say " actually, I can't say because the daily mail / news of the scews have bought rights. You can read all about it soon:)"

Instead I just smile enigmatically and change the subject.

I can't believe this seriously bothers you.

You must be quite bad at imagining what other people are thinking and feeling.

I used to tell people, that I was part of an active dogging community, that shut them up

I find a cheery 'Oh God, no!' usually shuts people up.