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Original poster

Step parents summer hols uni kids

13 replies

carolbow · 30/04/2016 18:24

So my son is 20 wants to come home for 8 weeks this summer. His stepdad/my husband says he should get an interesting job and not a boring one at the local pub. He's 62 and I'm sure the idea of having my son here for 8 weeks fills him with dread. I feel guilty and a bit sad. If I were still married to his dad I know I could welcome him home with open arms. I'm trying to get perspective and would welcome your feedback. He is going travelling in August.

OP posts:
MuttonCadet · 30/04/2016 18:27

Not sure why the job is relevant, but I'm a stepmum and both my stepchildren are welcome here whenever they want, it's their home as well, (and still will be when they have their own homes).

Sunshine87 · 30/04/2016 18:30

Get rid of your DH. You should be able to welcome your DS with open arms not like he's some outsider. His attitude is quite disgusting.

rookiemere · 30/04/2016 18:37

I'd have felt very sad as a student if I hadn't had a home to return to in the holidays.

FaFoutis · 30/04/2016 18:44

Let your son come home. Even at 20 that attitude from your husband (and you, if you are not careful) can do a lot of damage.

ArmfulOfRoses · 30/04/2016 18:45

What exactly does your husband deem an "interesting" job? Hmm

Joysmum · 30/04/2016 18:46

I'm not sure it's a step parent issue. Many parents of my friends had opinions on their jobs.

Have you spoken to your DH about his viewpoint and asked if the reason is because your DS will be home for 8 weeks? No point complicating the issue if that's not a problem and your DH actually believes in your DS and would love to see him striving to meet his potential the 'butt out' conversation is very different to the 'it's his home too' one

Goingtobeawesome · 30/04/2016 18:49

hes not his step dad really , is he? He doesn't want him in YOURS and his home Sad.

ImperialBlether · 30/04/2016 18:49

His attitude is appalling! What does it matter to him which job your son does? Does your husband want your son to be out of the house from 8 am - 6 pm? Doesn't he realise that students tend to get retail, call centre or bar jobs?

Whose house was it when you got together?

venusandmars · 30/04/2016 19:00

I think it is great that your son plans to get a job - any job ( at least he's not planning to spend 8 weeks dossing around in bed). And he should be applauded for that, because temporary jobs are not always easy to come by. Certainly not as easy as when I was a student hundreds and hundreds of years ago.

And any job will give him some skills - customer service, cash handling - and it will give him pocket money, or help him save for his August travelling.

Does your dh have any ideas for how an 'interesting' job might materialise for 8 weeks - i.e. does dh have contacts in CERN or on TV or in politics, or in life-saving health treatment? Because to be honest most 'interesting short-term paid posts are arranged through some kind of network.

Cabrinha · 30/04/2016 20:31

I think that parents and step parents are allowed to have different opinions on returning adult children.
It's OK not to want an adult back.

I think a bit harsh when they're at uni, they haven't left yet. And when the travelling and new uni term means that this isn't even living with you, it's a visit.

Has he lived with your husband before?

If you have a one bed flat and your son has a history of disrespect to your home and your husband - I would see his point.

If your husband just doesn't fancy it... then tough luck, suck it up.

Don't ever let a man be a detriment to your relationship with your son!

If your husband loves you, then even if he's not keen (and that's fair enough if he's not) then he would say "why are you even asking permission? Of course he can stay! You know I'm glad to have our joke back afterwards, but he's your SON, he'll always be welcome here".

If your husband would not say that, for an 8 week stay for a uni student, then - I don't mean this flippantly - I'd be reconsidering my marriage.

No fucking way would my boyfriend be telling me my daughter couldn't visit!

HeddaGarbled · 30/04/2016 22:05

It is normal for students to come home in the holidays. Uni accommodation is let term time only so he won't be able to stay in his uni accommodation. If he doesn't come home, where on earth would he stay? Of course, he must come home.

The job issue is separate. A lot of students do try to find summer work which is relevant to their future careers, internships etc. If he's aiming for anything like finance, accountancy, media, he should have been applying for these since before Christmas. He's left it too late for this summer now. A job in a pub is better than lying in bed all day but if he's serious about his career, he needs to think about doing something more relevant next summer.

Rainbowlou1 · 30/04/2016 22:08

No matter who I was married to...I'd always welcome my children home with open arms 24/7 at any age!

MimiSunshine · 01/05/2016 07:39

Has he said he doesn't want him back or are you assuming? From what you wrote it sounds like the latter.

As for the job, yes I would be encouraging him to get a job with valuable degree relevant experience as well as your son will need both when he graduates

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