I'm torn.....

[tornin2]

I know you will definately all shout at me, which is why I am posting this under a different name. I have been married 5 years and have two fab dds, 2,3. My DH is a fantastic man who would do anything for me, he is fun, friendly, good looking and a great dad, - the perfect husband.... except In the bedroom. When we do make love it is nice, but the earth doesnt move, even though we have spiced up with toys, role play etc, he just doesnt turn me on, I would rather have an hour alone with my rabbit than make love to him... sad i know.

Recently a guy from work has been coming on quite strong, there is a really strong physical attraction, that is entirely mutual, last night we got chatting on msngr and things got very heated. I know I am being entirely selfish, but every inch of me wants to make love to this man, I cant stop fantasising about him, and tommorow night we are working together, he has suggested going for a chat to try and work things out.

I have no intention of leaving my husband, and the last thing i want to do is hurt him, he doesnt deserve it, but on the other hand i can't imagine spending the rest of my life having average sex...

I really dont know what to do.. please help!!

Yes but this man doesn't want to make love to you he just wants to shag you. And he doesn't want to 'sort things out' he wants to shag you.
This type of encounter will damage your relationship beyond repair, think carefully.

Surely you can't seriously be considering changing your whole life for sex? I don't want to be unhelpful, but I simply cannot understand how you are thinking.

How do you know the bloke at work is going to be good at sex? He might be totally not worth it!
(He's probably got a tiddler)

you dont want to "make love" to this man, you want to have sex.
You will ruin your relationship.
My aunt and uncle have just separated after he found out about her affair - their whole lives are ruined, she's depressed, he's unable to cope, and their 10 y/o dd is devastated.
That's the image you need to take with you when you next see this man.
Sorry to be harsh.

Problem is, that is all i want from him, the whole thing is entirely physical...

The minute you have done it, if indeed you do.

YOU WILL REALLY REALLY REGRET it. Once it's done you cannot take it back. You will be on here posting how bad you feel. I bet you 50 quid.

Yes, it's lovely to have a good old flirt, but that's it now.

Turn off your msn and focus on the good in your relationship or leave, then you will be free to pursue the kind of relationship that you want guilt free.

Flirt = yes
Throw away marriage / family and do something you'll regret = no

Emotional affairs can often become a precursor to a physical relationship. This man only wants to use you for what he can get from you. You know nothing of this man at all, he may well be married and or have a partner at home as well. What if you were to get pg or contract a STD?. How would you explain that? Doubt very much if you've considered any of that.

Work on your own sexual relationship and relationship in general with your DH instead. If things were really that good you would not be so readily tempted by another man.

I strongly suspect that the way you are with this 'other' man is not how you are with your DH.

You need to think deeply about that. Instead of coming home all horny and going on messenger. Come home all horny and go on your DH.

You really must not have sex with this other man. Do not work late tomorrow, if you cant get out of working late, do not "have a chat" with him about anything. You really need to keep him at arms length so you can sort out some things in your own mind.

This is a critical time. This is where you really get to be a grown up. Life is hard. Life is tough. We cant have everything we want, just because we want it. You need to realise that you have a fabulous thing with your husband, and family, that goes far deeper than thrilling sex. You are risking a huge amount for a few minutes gratification.

Attilla - this is not an emotional affair, IMO.

can I ask a question - you say that you have attempted to spice up your sex life, but have you had an honest talk with your DH?
Not a "you're shite in bed, here is what I want to do" but an honest (nice) chat?
Do you fake it with your DH? If he doesn't know he is doing something wrong, how will he change? Its easy to fall into a trap of just going with the flow, and most men if they hear that "oooohhhh" they think they've cracked it.
You're pushing all your needs onto this bloke, and you'll be in danger of crossing the point of no return.

Honestly - what did you expect us all to say???!!!
Of course you shouldn?t jump into bed with him, of course you need to deal with your issues with your DH first before considering an alternative relationship, of course it isn?t worth the risk.
Are you wrong for thinking it? Of course not! All relationships have the potential to go a bit stale/go off the boil etc but that doesn?t mean stepping over that boundary.
If your Dh is truly a fantastic man, the perfect husband etc then give him a little tiny speck of respect and stop it now! Keep your head out of the sand and fantasy land, talk to your Dh and deal with the problems at home - don?t go creating new problems elsewhere just to take your mind off the real issue!
Please please please don?t go any further with your work colleague. Your children and your Dh deserve it.
Affairs are cruel, heartbreaking and rarely worth it. Too much at stake for everyone.
Sorry xx

Thanks very much for all your posts, I know i sound like the most selfish b**tch in the world right now. I have spoken to this guy by text just now, and we both agree it is best to leave it alone. I have always been a very sexual person, which is why it is such an important issue with me, sex with dh is not bad by any means, but is isnt exciting..
I suspect myself that this is also to do with the intial chase etc, I can honestly say I havent even looked at another man since i met my dh, until i met this guy.
I think in a different time he would have been great to have a relationship with but I am not prepared to lose my family over even incredible sex. I think at this moment i just want to have my cake and eat it, which of course is incredibly unfair. I cant beleive i have actually considered sleeping with him, but the urge to do so was unbelievably strong.
Thankfully, he is being pretty sensible too, he is single, and now we have both decided to leave it at that.
I really dont think i would get caught, but then i dont think i could live with the guilt either, my husband and i have always trusted each other completely, having both been S*it on in the past, so i do know how it feels, part of me was thinking i just need to get this out of my system, but the sensible part knows it is wrong.

I think you've identified exactly what the problem is - you like the thrill of the chase. Everyone's relationship settles down and inevitably that thrill isn't there.

BTW, I didn't think you sounded like a bitch, but were being very honest about your situation.

Glad it sounds like you've decided against it!

No shouting from me at all.
I relate to your plight.
I have no doubt some people could enjoy a discreet terribly sexual fling ( sounds good just thinking about it!) with another without damage to their marriage.

I have no evidence at all to say this but I strongly suspect they are a rare breeed and in the majority of cases such a fling would end in heartache for one or all the players.

You have a LOT to lose.
Congratulations in having a fab husband.

I concluded a long time ago that for me, domesticity and passion are not compatible ( I really envy those who DO combine the two)

However family life is pretty bloody wonderful and I would not recommend risking it for a fling.

Enjoy the fantasy!

A guy from work?!

Have you ever heard the phrase, 'Never shit where you eat.'

Take it from me, who earned a Master of Bullshit from the University of Hard Knocks, this is one platitude that is bang on.

Don't learn that the way I did.

my dp says 'try nut lapping to spice up your sex life' .....dont ask!

Many wise words here and excellent post VVVQV.

Well done for making the right choice Tornin3 (hope that doesnt sound condescending!)