So - what is flirting to you?

[TrafficJunkie]

I'm talking real life, not texts or online.
I want to know from all perspectives - I've been told I have a "flirty nature" or am a "natural flirt" and it's caused problems in relationships. I don't consciously flirt with anyone. I can't turn on the charm. I'm just me.

Things I do that are considered flirty by the people who've told me (ex boyfriends):

Twirling my hair around my finger
Flicking my hair back
Biting my finger
Laughing openly at a joke made by the opposite sex
Leaning forwards to talk to a person

I don't really pick up on those things as being flirty.

And from men, what do view as flirting? I'm useless at reading men. The only things I pick up on are obvious ones like asking for my number or asking to buy me a drink. But that's not really flirting is it?

Any input would be really useful! I'm just joining the dating scene so I'd love to be better at reading signals, and if my own behaviour needs to be checked for future relationships it would be nice to get a correct handle on it. Rather than opinions of jealous or possessive boyfriends.

I see. Well I don't get any attention. My boyfriends all thought this was a problem not me. I never noticed anything out of the ordinary.

Do you mean you bite the skin around your nail rather than you bite the entire tip of your finger? Cos one is not at all flirty and one is slightly more blatant than flirty

In that case, if you genuinely don't feel you are flirting and you don't get attention from these men either, have you considered the possibility that your boyfriends might have been insecure jerks?!

I've looked it up for you

In a study, only 28% of people accurately detected when people were flirting with them. Men were far more likely to assume flirting than women.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/the-psychology-of-flirtation-how-to-know-when-someones-interested-10331971.html

www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a7068/signs-hes-flirting-with-you/

I agree it sounds more like you've been going out with twunts. Perhaps you need to take more agency here - don't just go out with any bloke who's interested, choose the ones you really think are good potential partners for you and ask them out. Hint: men who assume you're desperate for them (flirting like mad with them) are almost certainly not the right ones!

:

Interesting article!! And what a surprise that men assumed more than women. Haha. (Dry laughter)

I don't know - kind of nibbling my skin/nail a bit...not literally eating myself. Haha. But not in the way in that photo! Next time I'll check myself and see what it looks like 😂

It sounds like your exes have been reading some bad articles about flirting in Psychologies magazine.

Haha.
Maybe I'm a little annoying in my demeanour (according to some) but at least I know that I'm not really being flirty. I'll read those articles attentively and then I'll be more clued up about flirting from men.
Thanks all 😊

I bite the skin around my nails all the time. It's delicious. I've always seen it as more gross than flirtatious.

OP, probably the reason your BFS see it as flirting is because that is how they interpreted you flirting with them when they first met you so they assume you're doing the same to other men.

I would ask a good female friend as it's a bit hard to determine without having seen you in action.

OP I think it's best to be yourself. Worrying about your body language and habits on a date will make you a self conscious wreck.
I think most men are not subtle with their flirting and will usually give compliments about your appearance.

If you really like someone, try making eye contact with them whilst casually eating a banana

Oh don't mention bananas!!! I ate one on my way home the other day - you talk about men and their assuming - and I glanced at an old bloke in a car as I walked by and he was practically drooling. I'm not a particularly attractive person! He's obviously not had a BJ in a while 😂😂😂😂 I compensated by shoving loads in my mouth and then chewing with my mouth open 😂😂

Good advice Rudy, was eating a banana at the bus stop last week, lots of traffic/ trucks going by and I couldn't finish it quick enough. Doubt they'd find me sexy mind, they'd probably prefer to see a chimp or gorilla eating one!

Re the finger biting/sucking debarcle. I have to say,( having a female relative that constantly bites her fingers and nails) I think it would be one of the biggest turn offs imaginable. It looks horrible and she has to contort her face to do it, I have asked her to stop many times, she's not doing herself any favours.

Finger sucking could be a whole different ballgame but I can't imagine OP is having a conversation with a bloke and shoving her whole finger in her mouth provocatively.....I've been known to be wrong mind you.

Hahaha no I'm not. That would be an incredibly weird thing to do 😂

I NEVER THOUGHT about breaking up a banana to eat it. So much classier. That's how I'll do it from now on 😂