DH making fun of my weight

[burrows]

I am a size 20-22 and I have been trying to lose weight for the past 2 years unsuccessfully. My dd is 12 and often calls me fat/ugly/freak/docile etc. Her latest one is "big bum" and although I keep telling her off for it she's continued doing it for the past year or so. DH chuckles when he hears her and we have had arguments over him not diciplining her but nothing changes even when he promises that it wlll. 2 weeks ago I caught him telling her to come into the kitchen and shout "big bum" at me, I went mad and DD got upset saying we didnt want her around etc and I tried to explain to DH that whilst he finds it funny it really isnt helping her to encourage her.

Anyway for the past week she has gone through a phase of saying "big, fat, giant, massive...bum", DH burst out laughing when he heard her (I just ignore it now) but today we met up with friends for lunch and he said it to me over the dinner table , I was fuming but tried to laugh it off to not make everyone else feel uncomfortable but his mate kept going on about it saying "what was that thing you said before..?" etc and getting him to repeat it.

Am I over-reacting over this? I know he's only having a laugh but its making me feel worse than I already do and I'm sure our friends must've thought we were a bit mad

You ok Burrows? You do need to put a stop to this right away. Children learn how to conduct adult relationships from watching their parents. Right now, you and your DH are teaching your DD that it is ok for one partner to belittle the other. Your DH needs reminding that this is not how you treat someone that you care about.

my(abusive)ex-p used to say all sorts of nasty things about my weight(i went up to a size 20 after having dd1 and going on the contraceptive injection).when i managed to find the courage to point out he was upsetting me he would say it was for my own good and he was trying to encourage me to be healthier etc.in reality,he was a pathetic,insecure bully who knew that a violent b**d like him didnt deserve to be in a relationship and the only way he could stop me leaving was to destroy my confidence and make me feel i was lucky to have him atall.

i evenually ended the relationship,and lost 5 stone in a year without even trying,just because i was happier and stopped comfort eating.

my dd1 is 8,and made a few comments when i was expecting dd2(eg'why is your bum getting bigger when the baby grows in your tummy?')and i explained to her that such comments were unacceptable etc.and that if i'd have said something like that to my mother i'd have got a slap round the face and sent to bed with no tea!

Just read the OP again, as I'd missed the bit about the DH's friend encouraging him to repeat his vile comments.
TBH, I think my DH would have been moving in permanently with his 'hilarious chum', had he dared to humiliate me in public like that.
There is no reason to accept this childish, bullying and upsetting behaviour.
I hope you come back to this thread, burrows, and take some comfort in knowing that you deserve better - and you can take steps to ensure you get treated better.

Burrows, your husband and daughter's behaviour is disgusting. I feel outraged for you. Surely, the one thing you should be able to rely on for love and support is your family. I hope you find a way to resolve this x

personally I'd rip the pair of them new arseholes.

You dd should treat you with repect, you are her mother ffs.

And your dh is acting like an uttter arse

Next time he does it, tell him' I'm fat, but you are a knob head, I can slim, what can you do to change?'

I would seriously embarass the bastards tbh

when dh's mates call round
tell him to move the skiddies he has left on the bedroom floor
or ask him has he been wanking again as he has left an odd stain etc

as for your dd
when her mates call round
ask her to move her dirty stickybacks (st's)
and her dirty knicks off the floor

instead of sitting there and taking it
start dishing it back out
but get them where it hurts
good luck
xxx

every time he makes a personal comment, tell him he has a small penis. this includes in public. apologise for him, telling them he is trying to boost his self esteem on account of him feeling low about the fact he has never satisfied a woman with his micropenis.

as for your daughter. tell her about genetics.

I really wouldn't advocate the eye-for-an-eye approach here - in my experience, (coming from a family where embarassing each other as much as possible in front of house guests was de rigeur) it just escalates things.

You need to speak to your partner first and foremost, spelling out how hurtful you find his behaviour, and even when you've laughed about it in the past, it's been to hide how humiliated he's made you feel. And ask your daughter to imagine how she would feel if everyone at school started laughing at her and calling her stupid. Explain that's how she and your dad make you feel.

I mean "she and her dad", of course, not "she and your dad".

im sorry but at 12 she should know better.

My dh used to belittle me about my weight (and he;s no babe) however my children would berate him for this,

I would be inclined to go on a diet and therefore make sure everyone in teh house eats the same diet stuff as you (it will hurt them more than you) Also in a fit of cruelty I would be inclined to remind dd that she has your genes !

2penceworth got there first - sorry didnt read responses

i agree with lazyemma,i think your dh's behaviour has gone beyond insensitive and he is bullying you,in which case i dont think stooping to his level is a good idea.