firstly, this may be long so apologies.
am a namechanger
Dh and I have been together for 12 years, married for 8, we have a ds who is 4. Dh doesn?t work locally and commutes for approx 4 hours a day (two hours there two hours back). We originally moved here because this was where we could afford, but after ds was born the commuting became too much for dh and he decided that he wanted to move. I was very reluctant as had a baby and as I?m not that good at making friends I envisaged myself being on my own in a strange place with a baby, but dh convinced me that it was the right thing to do and when ds was about 18 months old we put our house on the market. I still had major reservations but dh told me he was doing it for the benefit of all of us, he would be home earlier, ds would get to see a lot more of him etc, but all I could see was that he was doing it for his and ds? benefit and that I wasn?t going to benefit at all, would be leaving everything that is familiar here and he would still have his friends at work etc whereas I would have no one.
Anyway, we found a house to buy in a different area, I didn?t really take to the area as seemed to have no families, but again dh said this was the best area. Everything that could go wrong, did. Buyers dropped out, we found new ones, problems with planning permission on extention of new house, problems further down the chain ? And the more things went wrong, the more miserable I was, and the more I wanted to stay here.
And the more miserable I became, the more distant I became with dh, until we had a long talk one night during which I basically said that we either didn?t move, or I couldn?t see myself having a future with my dh. Dh told me he loved me and didn?t want to lose me, so we backed out of the house purchase and bought a bigger house here instead.
Then earlier last year the question of moving came up again. Dh said he was very tired commuting, he had changed jobs and the new job was more demanding so commuting was getting worse. I feel this time that I?m at a different point in my life. Ds is older now and not so dependent, and I?m not so dependent on the friends that can be made at toddler groups etc and feel happier to move. We went and looked at an area and both liked it so we put our house on the market in July.
But the house hasn?t sold. We?ve had some viewings but no offers, not one. It?s a lovely house but up from a new build estate so that is influencing house sales in the area. Ds starts school in September, and we ideally don?t want him to have to move halfway through a reception year, so it?s been decided that if we don?t sell the house by may, we?ll take it off the market as even if we sold it later it?s unlikely to complete before the end of August for ds to start school in the new area in Sept.
The longer this goes on, the more miserable dh seems to be. The more tired he seems to be, and the less happy he seems. I?m terrified that he will resent me if we don?t end up moving this time. He only admitted two years down the line that he resented me a lot after the last time. I?m terrified that if we don?t move we?ll end up splitting up because dh won?t be able to hack the commuting any more. He can?t really take a job locally as there don?t seem to be jobs locally in his field. He says it won?t happen, that he loves me and why would he want to leave me and ds when he loves us, but I?m just so scared, maybe not now, but two, three, four years down the line?
I love him more than anything and would hate to lose him, but I can't make the house sell.
For anyone who has read this far well done and thank you.