help - my DH has turned into a total miser

[moneymoneymoney]

my dh has always been 'careful' with money - pays the bills first, saves a bit, before treating himself to clothes, holidays, trips away etc. It was one of the things I really respected in him and as I am similar, was one of our common points. We have some joint accounts but also some individual bank accounts.
However, over the last year or so, he has started to become somewhat obssessed with the amount of money he/we have saved and saving for our retirement, our dc's future etc. I know he only wants to make sure we're all comfortable but its getting incredibly boring.
I have been off work since having dc last year and have been living off my savings for anything for myself and for my contribution to our joint account so I'm getting very p**sed of when he goes on and on when I have less and less money to 'play' with. I am shortly going back to work but then we'll have nursery fees to contend with.
aaaaagh, he drives me mad! Any advice?
(have also name-changed as he sometimes comes on here and know my talk name!)

My DH is the same, he worries so much about saving that he forgets to enjoy the money he does have.
We do go on holidays though but it takes him ages to decide on one as he's obsessed with how good value for money everything is etc

Sounds like you need to have a good, long talk about it all. My dh gets very wound up about money/the future - often because he doesn't really understand the situation we're in/products we have. And he takes his responsibility for the future very, very seriously.

Sounds like your dh might be very worried about your future security and needs to be treated with sympathy/empathy.

I can't be sympathetic BIWI, as it has gone beyond concerned to ridiculous! he has decided not to get his haircut as often to save money, even though he doesnt like it longer, he goes on about how much petrol he has used when we're out etc etc. we are still reasonably well off so i wish he'd just drop it. have tried to talk to him about it but with no great response.

he also complains that i spend a lot at the supermarket /shops but he'd be the first to complain if there was no toothpaste, washing powder, food etc etc.

sorry to rant, just need to get it off my chest!

'tis the place to rant!

But it does sound as if there's something that's really troubling him about your financial affairs if he's behaving like this. Have you asked him to really talk about it, tell you what he's feeling - give him permission to 'unload'?

Otherwise it does sound as if you're drifting apart fairly relentlessly

Maybe he's unhappy with his job or something else and is projecting his fears on to your finances. You need to find out what his vision for your family is and how you can help achieve it without breaking the bank.

Why are you living off your savings if you are at home taking care of his (and your) child? Does this mean he is putting away money from his salary (for his savings?) but you are losing yours at the same time? Wouldn't it make more sense to stop saving until you, as a family, have a surplus of cash coming in?

you're all so wise [sigh]. have tried to talk to him about it. I know he is/was hoping to retire early (we are only in our thirties so not too soon) and it was me that wanted a baby (although he loves our dc to bits!) and when we have talked, he has worried that things like uni fees will wipe us out later on. I was anxious that he didnt see too much of a change so suggested that I would contribute from my savings, so in a way, I have no one to blame but myself.

I think you are all right,.I will talk to him and ask him why exactly he is worried, and suggest that he stops saving just until I am established back at work and we can begin again. We decided last night that we are going to see our financial advisor next week so I trhink he feels reassured by that; then I will broach the fact that he shouldn't make me feel guilty for enjoying the time I have off while spending MY money. I don't want this ti spiral downwards and the resentment to build up so much that it does permanent damage.
thank you all so much.

You're not 'off' you are doing a job - called raising a child. If he imagines you are swanning around all the time, perhaps he should give it a try!