AIBU to tell my parents their house is a shit hole?

[Mymaggie]

Ok so I wouldn't use the word shit hole ..
But it is.

My parents have never been fans of cleaning. As a child, the house was always full of cobwebs (and I mean lots of cobwebs EVERYWHERE) - my parents love spiders - and i can recall infestations of fleas, baby spiders and flies in my bedroom. Thick layers of dust would often cover the surfaces.

Cut to the present day. I spent last weekend at my parents' home with my two DDs. I actually retched when I saw the state of the basin in the bathroom - layers of old soap scum and dirt was encrusted all over the outer surface and running down the pedestal to the floor. Thick dust lay over all the surfaces and the floors of the bathroom and toilet. I thought I had a cold as I kept sneezing the whole weekend. I felt repulsed when I had a bath. I lay there looking at the cobwebs hanging off the ceiling (I wouldn't mind of they were occupied as have no problem with spiders but these cobwebs looked months or even years old) and the grey tide marks in the bath.

I don't feel like going to stay there again any time soon and they want me to go down again in the summer. I have never seen or noticed the house looking so bad ( I haven't been there in 6 months).

I feel like I need to say something to my Mum ( who I am seeing next week for a day out) but how do I raise this? They can afford a cleaner but have never used one before. Could it be an eyesight issue? Or is it that they have just totally given up caring? What and how do I say get a cleaner or please give the place a good scrub before I next come down? AIBU?

Not BU at all to raise it, sounds utterly foul. DDs terrified of spiders? You've just been allergy tested and came up allergic to dust?

Just reading that made me want to heave. I'm not sure what I would say but maybe say you can't go back with kids until the place is more hygienic.

Hmm difficult one. Some people just don't like cleaning and it doesn't bother them- I have people in my family like that and it's made me the other way round!

My DM is a very tidy house proud woman but as she's got older her eyesight is failing and somethings are not as clean as she would like them. I just clean them behind her back so not to upset her. But it's nothing like what you're describing

Are they finding it difficult to cope with? Are there other things going on in their lives that are draining them? This has happened to me. It wasn't that I was a lazy arse & couldn't be bothered, more that I just didn't have the energy to cope.

That is disgusting. Problem is that if they have been like that your whole life then they just aren't going to see it now. What is their own personal presentation like?

Yanbu but no idea how to approach it X

YANBU and actually you are being kind... if you get it right. They are hardly going to say, 'oh yes, I quite agree' after all this time.

But you can explain how it affects you and what it means if you don't want to go there. If they can afford it, they need to get a cleaner.

I've had to do it with my mum. Told her my DD didn't want to spend time there as it was dirty and smelly.

She got the message got a cleaner in for 3 hours. DD started spending time there again but nothing has been done since and it's reverting again.

We'll just keep going through the same cycle.

Ok. Nothing to do with the thread as such but what does AIBU & YANBU stand for? ??

Am I Being Unreasonable / You Are Not Being Unreasonable :)

Thanks LB

Be honest. You and the DC don't want to stay there anymore because of the hygiene issues, and the dust affects your chest and your sinuses....to say nothing of the children.

Ball is then in their court. If they want you to visit they will get a cleaner in.

If it's really that bad I wouldn't hesitate to tell it like it is. My skin is crawling just reading about the conditions in the house - I couldn't sleep a wink for worrying about blood-sucking bed-bugs crawling out of the mattress.

Perhaps if you don't want to go down the honesty is the best policy route, the DC might be developing mild asthma? Dust allergies?

So has it suddenly got worse? It's just I'm wondering why you'd plan on staying there with dcs?

I'd have to mention it. Sounds like they're not bothered though.

Find a local Airbnb to stay in and explain you all have a dust allergy. YANBU and in your place would say something. Perhaps say that you've noticed that the housekeeping seems to have got a bit out of control and perhaps it's time to bring in some professional help. (Kim and Aggie?) Be prepared for them to minimise the problem though. If they aren't blind they can see the dirt but are so used to it it is normal.