Dp said I had a "small life" and now I'm mad

[sexkittyinwaiting]

I gave up work when preg with my eldest who is now 8. I have since had 4 more children and am expecting no.6 in March. I am a full time sahm and I think it is a very hard job for many, many different reasons.

Anyway, dp and I ( who have a pretty shaky relationship anyway) had a row about one of the kids yesterday. He couldn't understand why I was so upset with him and told me that I had a small life and muttered something, I can't clearly remember, about people like him who basically didn't have small lives and were living in the real world dealing with real problems.
I was bloody livid and when I told him he had called me small he got angry and said he had never said that. I told him that if you tell someone they have a small life then by implication you are calling them small. you are hardly saying "well you're a really big and important person but you have such a small life"

TBH I don't think I have a small life. I have my life which is raising 5/6 young children. It's not a business woman's life, a career woman's life, but it's one of the most imortant jobs there is to do and one of the hardest too.

I am furious that he has this opinion. Up until now I had alwyas thought he thought my work as a sahm to be of equal value to his as the breadwinner, just different.
Anyway I don't know why I am writing this, I'm just venting my spleen and wanted to know what views others have on this. How would you feel and what would you do if your dp said this to you?
Perhaps it's becasue I have such a small life that I have a chance to sit down and write this

That was a very hurtful comment from your DP. I would have been too. And I suspect it was particularly hurtful precisely because it's the 'small' stuff, the 'monotonous grind' as you put it, which makes motherhood hard. So called 'Big' stuff is actually much easier to deal with, and usually has a beginning and end to it. And people applaud you for having done 'big' stuff, whereas your work as a mother can seem invisible. So referring to it as being 'a small life' is bound to touch a raw nerve.

Have you read 'What Mothers Do, especially when it looks like nothing'. That is a very comforting read.

I agree that it's always good to start off by apologising for your own part in an argument (as my Mum says 'If you 'win' in an argument with your partner, then you're on the losing team'). Then to tell him how you felt when he said that. Sorry he made you feel bad. You're doing an amazing job to be looking after so many little human beings.

Batters that would be funny, but he hasn't shown it to me since conceiving this one

oh yes I nearly forgot, he said yesterday when challenged on this comment that he had intended it to be perjorative.

I would club my DH to dh to death if he said that

Suger, I wish I could do that. I do in my head anyway and at times like these I plan my escape.