I've never posted before but need some perspective. Sorry this could be long.
For the last couple of weeks DH has been going out a lot- weekend at his friends, housewarming party, works do etc he said it was just a lot of invites all at once and that's just the way it goes sometimes. The trouble is he also started going to the pub to watch football as well. This means in the last 3 weeks he's spent 4 evenings at home while I've been alone with DS 8 and DD 1.
Last Tuesday he went out and didn't take his keys, again (he has a habit of not taking keys). It got to about 10pm and I started trying to get hold of him because I wanted to go to bed and couldn't because I couldn't lock the door with him not being able to get in (I could've done but then he would've gone mental). He eventually came home around half 11. I asked if he was going to apologise for yet again making it so that I couldn't go to sleep and he said he didn't care. He then went on to say he's been going out so much to get away from me, all I do is nag and he doesn't love me anymore. Oh and he's felt this way for the last 2 years.
Not once has he given any indication that this is how he's been feeling and not once has he tried to talk to me about my so called "nagging"
He's said he's leaving, but he's still here. Is now saying he's going to stay as long as possible because he knows it annoys me to have him here.
He's acting so cold and cruel I don't even recognise him.
The last 2 years have been tough, DD has been a challenge to say the least, she still wakes several times a night and is wild during the day. DH was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year after months of him threatening suicide on an almost daily basis, but I stood by him without so much as a word of complaint.
Shortly before DD was born an old male friend got in touch with me and DH went through my phone and came up with the conclusion that at 37 weeks pregnant I was trying to start an affair. This has come up time and time again for the last 2 years and he won't even consider that it was the depression and anxiety disorder that made him come to that conclusion, not one message was even remotely romantic or sexual. If anything they were run of the mill how's your life going type messages.
I just don't know what to do, he's said all these things to me, hurtful, horrible things and yet then he's just here carrying on as normal. It's so confusing.
We have no joint bank accounts but do have a joint tenancy on our house. I'm so fearful for the future, I don't want to have to move but he's adamant I'm the one who should leave as he's the main tenant. My finances are a mess as I took out a loan to pay off both out credit cards when I was on maternity leave but then I couldn't go back to my well paying job as he wasn't well enough for me to be working 50 hour weeks and for him to have the kids. Chances are my credit score is now wrecked so wouldn't get approved for any sort of rental.
He holds all the power and knows there's nothing I can do. He seems so cut off from me all of a sudden and clearly doesn't care about me at all, in a way he seems almost amused by my anguish.
I just feel lost.