I really need some insight here, I'm becoming a mess and losing my mind. It's gone 2 in the afternoon and I'm in bed in tears while my husband is downstairs humming to himself without an apparent care in the world he's upset me!
The history behind it all is we met, a couple of months later he rented out his place and moved into mine. We then decided to get married and buy an additional place jointly in another location to live in during the week together rather than have to live apart during the week due to work commitments. Obviously this was a huge financial commitment and strain in a very short period of time. Every time I was anxious about the affordability of it all and stressed about money he would reassure me that I wouldn't be paying for it all on my own. Well I've paid for more than double my fair share on my own not to mention holidays and paying for my own house that he also lives in at weekends. Now when I raise concerns about money I get told how I knew what money he had towards it all and I'd reassured him it was doable and if I am worried then to pull out of the flat purchase. I also got to pay for the entire wedding on my own. He recently had a PPI claim pay out that he said he'd let me have towards the enormous credit card debts I've accumulated paying for 'our' wedding. The cheque arrived and he spent it on himself, it's all gone, I didn't see a penny of it. Admittedly he is paying me £150 a month towards the wedding costs but that's not really the point. Money aside, I feel like I've shouldered the responsibility of huge financial undertakings on my own and jumped through hoops to make sure it all happened, including selling my car to pay towards things and I get no support when it all gets too much in return, just a lets pull out of it then. Same response when I said I was disappointed he didn't give me the PPI money as he'd said he would. That degenerated into an argument which I ended by saying whenever I raise the topic of money he gets angry and it degenerates into an argument and how we should be able to discuss finances, its fundamental. His response? If we can't talk about money lets split up then.
Money matters aside, where admittedly I am starting to feel like I've been taken for a ride, on a personal level things aren't great either. We've been married less than a year. Before we got married every morning he would cuddle up to me and tell me how much he loved me and how wonderful I was. Now mostly the first thing he grabs when he wakes up is his phone, he barely engages in any conversation and when I say to him it's at least polite to ask about my day or if I've had a nice evening when I've seen friends or been to yoga he now makes a point of asking with a fake smile 'how was your day dear' making a point that he's asked about it like I said he should be doing. If I ask him for input on anything at all I get 'don't mind babe' as a stock response yet if I suggest anything I'm accused of being controlling! I've recently realised that his complaining about me to my friends in front of me when we see them has become a pattern. Recently he met a friend of mine and her husband for the first time and spent most of it rolling his eyes and complaining that I do this that or the other. I was mortified and spent my time trying to play it down! When I raise these things with him I get told I have no sense of humour, that he was just joking. He even once posted a video of me on Facebook snoring without my knowledge! I'm starting to wonder if I'm married to a narcissist but then he doesn't have a temper and doesn't show signs of being controlling, at least not overtly.
Friday night was when I brought up that I was disappointed he hadn't given me the PPI money towards debts as he'd said he was. By yesterday morning he was extremely affectionate and offered to take a mortgage holiday on his own flat so the rental could pay towards the credit cards, although I'm not holding out for that one. We went for a walk and for lunch then he went cold as a fish on me. This morning he announces he has issues with us, that we are poles apart. Basically I had a difference of opinion on a topic to him and that's emphasised to him how poles apart we are then he just got up and left me in tears and is now humming downstairs and carrying on like nothing has happened. I can't take any more, I really don't understand what the hell is going on.