Sorry folks, I need to vent a bit. This last happened a couple of days ago but it’s stayed with me.
We’d both spent the day at work. I got home a couple of hours before him with children in tow. My afternoon was spent getting the children to do their homework, providing afternoon tea, catching up with housework, paying bills etc. He got home, sat down with his computer and headphones and proceeded to ignore me for an hour. Suddenly he noticed that I was busy. Cue “better look like I’m interested” thought process. He followed me outside where I’d gone to deal with laundry in between cooking and getting children organised, stood there and asked me if there was anything I’d like him to “help” me with.
To get to me he’d just walked past baskets of unfolded laundry, unwashed dishes, toys on the floor, his own shoes kicked off in the walkway, clutter everywhere, an unwiped dining table, hungry animals, squabbling children, ankle-deep lawn, and he was standing watching me do something I know he’s perfectly capable of doing.
It might seem like he was trying to be helpful. I know from experience that if I say, actually, can you – whatever – he’ll look confused, say a hesitant ok, and fumble about with whatever it is I’ve asked for until it really needs to have been done an hour ago and I have to take over. Or he’ll go and do it, sighing heavily the entire time to make sure I know he doesn’t really want to be doing something that’s obviously my responsibility, and carry on with his relaxation secure in the knowledge that he has “helped” and should have earnt some brownie points, while I continue being busy right up to bedtime.
So instead I shook my head without looking at him because I couldn’t bear to see the pretend helpful/concerned expression on his face, he went back to his computer content in the knowledge that he at least offered, and I spent the next hour in tears.
I’m not his mum. I’m not a housewife. Looking after every aspect of the household should not be my sole responsibility, and participating in it does not constitute “helping” me. I’m trying to be be strong and see this as independence training for myself, but there are times when it gets to be too much. I'm spending this weekend feeling very weepy and not able to cope with anything at all really.