Alarm bells. Is my ex making a play for full custody children.

[1DAD2KIDS]

Captian chaos (the ex) blows winds of uncertainty again. Basically my ex left me and kids (girl 4 years and boy 13 months) to live with another man 100 miles away. After alot of work getting over it all and coming to terms with years of emotional abuse and minipulation i am now in a great place. The kids are very happy and settled. We have a great set up, a great house, surrounded by loving family. The devorce is nearly complete nice and easy. She agreed to adultery and signed. Anyway she come down for the weekend to stay and see the kids. I don't mind this as we get on fine despite everything and I want her to see the kids as much as possible (she don't see them alot). I know things are not going well with the man see left us for. In fact I think everyone could see what a loser he is and that it wouldn't last. Anyway she told me that she maybe looking to move back to where we live. On the face of it that would be good. The kids could see their mum more and maybe I could get a break now and then.

But here's the thing I don't see here plan working without her becoming reconised as the resident parent and all the money that comes with it. She said she was looking at getting a 3 bed next to the school. Rent is about 650-700 a month and she worksing minium wage 30 hours, but she did mention getting housing benefit. She has no education and never has held down a job. It never matter as I could afford to fund the family on my wages. I don't think she could aford it working min wage or on benifits as a lone person. I think she could if she became the residential parent getting child benefit and a hefty maintenance (about £750 a month) from me.

I am not sure to panic or not. She changes like the winds. Ever since I have known her she has never held a job for much more than 6 months. She gets board and leaves. I funded 4 home business she started, all of which she got board of and gave up with nothing to show. It was only the other week she told me that she was thinking about starting a new life in Manchester.

People have warned me before on here if it all goes sour with her fella she may want walk back in and start playing mum again.
There was definitely something different about her this time as if the penny had dropped and she realised her mistake. I think staying in our nice house thar be and the kids bought made her pine for the family life she walked out on. Or maybe not as she said to me we would probably still be together if it wasn't for the birth of our baby boy. how dare she Blame our little boy. We would probably still be together if she didn't drop her pants and move in with her aging overweight drug smoking dead beat step cousin . She never can see her own fault.

So would she need custody of the kids to fun the house and lifestyle she's talking about? Or could she afford it on benifits or min wage? Also if she needed custody of the kids to afford it is it a viable threat that she made be planning to make a play for having the kids full time? Is that why she wants to move next door to there school. We have no formal legal arrangements with the kids as I didn't think we needed it as we still get on. Do I panic and get to the solicitors or just ride it out as another one of her plans she never follows through.

I know of cases where dms have continued claiming child benefit long after their dc have been taken into care.

The fact is that, as with many other benefit agencies, the Child Benefit Office relies on claimants to report any change in their circumstances that may affect their entitlement to claim. From what you've said, the chances are your ex is continuing to receive child benefit and, unless informed otherwise, this particular government agency will continue to assume that she is the resident parent of your dc.

The new system is if one person in a household earns more than 50k and your household claims child benefit you have to submit a return. If it 50k-60k you have to pay back a proportion of it. If it's over 60k you have to pay it all back. Like i say i have been stung for 600 for the child benefit my ex claimed before we seperated. I think it's a bit stupid how it goes on one persons wage not total household income. I wouldn't get it (fair enough I earn enough) but a couple earning 49k each would still get full child benefit even though their household income would be 98k. But that is another matter.

I will think about claiming. To be fair I don't know for sure she has stopped claiming. But I assume she has because if she hasn't that would be benifit fraud.

It would be fraudulent but no one would know to pick up on it until you try to claim.

She can legally claim child benefit even if the children don't live with her, providing she makes contributions towards their upkeep to at least the value of the child benefit - www.gov.uk/child-benefit-child-lives-with-someone-else

If she's receiving child benefit she should be handing it over to you or, preferably, spending it on items the dc need such as clothing/outings/toys.

Boundaries!!!! You need to set firm boundaries, it's great that you want the kids to maintain a relationship with her, but don't let her stay over - it is not her home anymore and under no circumstances should that ever be implied. Book a room at a local B&B for her and organise a taxi after the children go to bed. Keep booking reservations for future proof if needed.

You are the primary carer now - don't let anyone (read: the courts) have any doubt on this matter.

Please don't just "think" about claiming child benefit, you must do that. Im sure some legals will be on here and will advise you, but its very important that you claim the child benefit! (even if they claim it back).

Fourormore - you can only claim CB and CTC as the NRP if you lie and say you are the RP. You can only get HB for more than one person if you have the CB.

George I linked to the government website that says otherwise.

That won't apply here - it is for unusual cases and says "friend or relative" not "other parent" for a reason.

So do you courts look to maintain the status quo of current arrangement? Unless there is good reasons such as neglect etc. If so I have nothing to worry about. I have the kids, they are happy and all the schools, doctors etc reconise me as the RP. There would be no one who would say otherwise. Even her whole family are behind me and the kids (apart from her step cousin who left me for obviously). If any thing if she was still claiming the full child benifit she could open her self up to a fraud charge if she tried it. So I can't see in reflection that she would have a leg to stand on. Plus it is probably just a half baked scheme. I can see her actually moving.

Yes. The court has to have a good reason NOT to maintain the status quo. If she works less than you do, you need to show that you have good care in place for them. I'm sure you have.