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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tried to split up with my husband. It didn't quite go to plan...

54 replies

Libertybazar · 22/04/2016 17:17

If it weren't so tragic, I'd probably be laughing at the oddness of it all.

I've posted previously about wanting to split from my husband, due really to being totally different people and having different values and goals.
Well, I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I felt on Tuesday. It was awful, he didn't see it coming at all (which I was surprised about as our romantic relationship is pretty much non existent) and said he was totally happy in our relationship. We both cried, I told him I no longer loved him romantically and couldn't see a way forward. He said I was the love of his life, didn't want to lose me and went to bed. In a nutshell, that's what happened.

The next day we talked. Every time I brought up an example of how different we are he'd counter with 'but I like how different we are'. When I talked about how he mopes every time I plan something, but refuses to plan things that HE wants to do, he said that he really does enjoy it, but he can't be happy all the time. He started talking about how he didn't know what he'd do without me and started blaming himself even though I told him repeatedly that he wasn't really the problem, it was just a fundamental difference in personality. I really didn't know what to do so said I'd give it another go. I don't know why I did it, I just couldn't bear to hurt him and couldn't think of a valid argument for not staying together except 'well, Ive fallen out of love with you and I don't want this relationship' which sounds blunt and awful and uncaring. And then things have carried on as if nothing has happened.

No mention of the fact that I basically ripped his world apart. No mention of the fact that I said that the love that feel for him is platonic. It's like it never happened and I feel even more trapped than I did before.

What the bloody hell do I do now?

OP posts:
Libertybazar · 22/04/2016 20:28

kitten you've hit the nail on the head. It did feel easier to stay.

Lonny I agree. I've had a long time to think this through. For him it was sudden, for me it was a long time coming. Clearly I need to give him time but be firm.

Our relationship isn't horrible or awful, it's just so deeply unsatisfactory. I really don't want to waste my life being unhappy and I truly want him to find someone who will reciprocate his love and appreciate him. He isn't very emotionally mature and I feel like the only way that'll happen is if we're not together. He'll realise that there are better relationships out there.

OP posts:
InstinctivelyITry · 22/04/2016 20:30

Don't make the mistake I did and believe his protestations that everything will change and he'd do 'anything' to keep you.......
All crap. Every bit of it. Sat on his arse and continued to behave as he always had; knowing how it made me feel.
Truthfully, nine months after finally separating, I feel conned somehow. Yes I have three amazing wonderful children, but, I've clung to a working life of sorts, clawed my way out of depression, stress and anxiety (inc a breakdown) and lots of it is because of him. (Yes i'm being immature)
Fundamenally he just didn't care enough. That still stings. Even though I thought I had emotionally detached long ago..

Follow your instinct OP

InstinctivelyITry · 22/04/2016 20:33

to clarify, I feel conned because I think he took me for a big fat ride and never could be arsed to put effort into it. I think he fucked me over and that makes me angry.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 22/04/2016 20:42

Yep, but be firm with yourself too. If you are still haven't the same conversation x weeks down the line, move on to the next step, whatever that may be.

Salfordlass · 22/04/2016 20:55

When u really know u don't love someone any more there's no going back is there? It took me ages to finally finish it with my first hubby (we have a child) but I knew I didn't feel the same way he did and I eventually told him it really was over. It took about another 6 months before he finally realised I wasn't getting back with him, and I think that was mainly because I met someone else.
But 15 years later were still together (with second hubby) and I still think to myself "thank god I had the strength to end it" cos even though it was awful and sad I just couldn't stay with someone I didn't love anymore (in that way) and I wouldn't have met my now dh, the love of my life!

Funko · 22/04/2016 21:32

Op. I did the same. It took such a long time (years) for me to work up the courage to say it was over. He was also 'shocked' sorry etc etc. I was also talked into giving it another go. I didn't want to, I felt so guilty about him being so hurt. It lasted 1 week total. I never felt I wanted it, it was all just for him and so so wrong. Just be honest. You wanted to do it for him and you just can't.
It WILL be ok. In the end. I promise. Just keep pushing forward

Shodan · 22/04/2016 23:52

Ugh.

Almost the exact same thing happened with me a couple of weeks ago. I sat down with DH, told him I was unhappy, I didn't have any romantic or sexual feelings towards him anymore etc. My mistake was not being more blunt, but I was too cowardly/misguided to hurt him.

Since then, it's been like I was just having a 'hormonal moment' (easiest way to describe how he views it!). He's been doing some housework, talking at me endlessly, buying me a bunch of flowers...

So now, I feel even worse. I feel trapped, cornered-he told me I have 'power' over him, because if we split up he'll be alone, with no friends...

I think it's actually worse because I've been here before, with my first husband, so I know how difficult it's going to be.

So- every sympathy to you. I hope we both work up the courage to do it properly soon!

Shodan · 22/04/2016 23:56

Incidentally- I know he hasn't taken it seriously because I said I would go to Relate, if he wanted-but only if he organised it (one of the things I was unhappy with was that he has never really 'joined in' with family life). He sent one e-mail, discovered that they couldn't do the day we'd picked, and stopped there. Didn't bother to try anywhere else.

Libertybazar · 23/04/2016 06:22

Shodan I'm so sorry to hear that. My dh did the EXACT thing when I mentioned relate! I want to go, but I know I'm going to be the one running around organising it. Will he do it? No, of course not.

Im pretty sure you can book an individual session, I know it's not the same, but for me I feel it might be useful just to work through my feelings on the matter.

I can't believe how many people have been in the same boat!

OP posts:
Offred · 23/04/2016 06:40

This happened to me when I broke up with h. Well, he tried but he is so unassertive I just kept saying "I will go to relate if you would like but only to discuss how to separate amicably" and "I am sure I want it to be the end" and he eventually had to accept it.

Does he really think things will be better if he just calls it a relationship anyway even though it can't be now because you have decided you want to separate and only given in because of his upset?

I just think you need to push through with it, it is kinder than allowing him misguided hope even if he doesn't see it that way.

Why didn't he see it coming? Do you not talk? Does he not notice you anymore?

BlueUggs · 23/04/2016 07:09

I spent 7 years telling my exH I was unhappy. He would make an effort for a week or two and then it would go back to how it had always been.
I asked him to make an effort and go to counselling with me. He rang relate a couple of times after being nagged but there wasn't any answer.
I told him I was going to leave if things didn't change and he walked away telling me he didn't know what my problem was because he was happy.
We had a big row and didn't speak for 4 days. He came into the bedroom and asked if we were going to sort it out. I simply said NO. And he left.
3 days later, he came back and asked me to emigrate with him!! I pointed out at this point, that I didn't want to be with him in the UK, why on earth fudge think I'd want to be with him in a different country where I'd got no support??!
He left and within 3 weeks, he had a new girlfriend, despite continuing to tell everyone that he still loved me and regularly contacting me begging me to try again.
He told anyone that would listen that I was so evil and horrible because he'd done nothing wrong.....

Libertybazar · 23/04/2016 07:14

He's just happy to plod along and HATES change. We haven't talked in a looong time. Not about serious stuff, he'd rather we didn't talk and everything stayed the same.

I took my wedding rings off a month ago. When I asked him about it he said he hadn't noticed, so no, I guess not. He's just used to me being there. I really question wether it is love that he feels or just contentment.

OP posts:
whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 23/04/2016 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleWithRed · 23/04/2016 07:39

I found individual Relate very very helpful - I had someone to talk to about leaving. I couldn't talk about it with DH while he was in the Denial phase, and I couldn't talk about it with anyone else. The Relate sessions made it real, gave me confidence to keep moving forwards, and a blessed self-indulgent hour to put across my point of view to someone who was there purely to listen to me. Highly recommended.

MadameJosephine · 23/04/2016 07:54

Another recommendation for individual relate sessions. Towards the end of my marriage they really helped me to get my thoughts and feelings in order and to express myself to my XH in a way that made ending my marriage just a tiny bit easier.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/04/2016 07:56

"As for being co-dependent, well most marriages are aren't they?"

No they are not. Some people are co-dependent and that is an emotionally unhealthy state to be in. Some narcissistic people are very dependent on others to help them.

What makes interconnections healthy is interdependency – not codependency. Paradoxically, interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy – the ability to function independently. When couples love each other, it’s normal to feel attached, desire closeness, be concerned for one another, and to depend upon each other. Their lives are intertwined, and they’re affected by and need each other. However, they share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings and actions and contribution to the relationship. Because they have self-esteem, they can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay. They can allow for each others’ differences and honour one another’s separateness. Thus, they’re not afraid to be honest and can listen to their partner’s feelings and needs without feeling guilty or becoming defensive. Since their self-esteem doesn’t depend upon their partner, they don’t fear intimacy, and independence doesn’t threaten the relationship. In fact, the relationship gives them each more freedom. There’s mutual respect and support for one another’s personal goals, but both are committed to the relationship.

Broadly speaking, in dysfunctional helping relationships, one person’s help supports (enables) the other’s underachievement, irresponsibility, immaturity, addiction, procrastination, or poor mental or physical health.

The helper does this by doing such things as rescuing the other from self-imposed predicaments, bearing their negative consequences for them, accommodating their unhealthy or irresponsible behaviours, and taking care of them such that they don’t develop or exhibit competencies normal for those of their age or abilities. Although these unbalanced relationships can go on for some time, they are ultimately unsustainable due their consumption of the helper’s physical, emotional, or financial resources, and because they lead to resentment and relationship strain.

Dysfunctional helping relationships don’t necessarily involve co-dependence, but they may. Co-dependent relationships are close relationships where much of the love and intimacy in the relationship is experienced in the context of one person’s distress and the other’s rescuing or enabling. The helper shows love primarily through the provision of assistance and the other feels loved primarily when they receive assistance. The intense shared experiences of the other’s struggles and disasters and the helper’s rescues deepen the emotional connection and feelings of intimacy.

In the co-dependent relationship, the helper’s emotional enmeshment leads them to keenly feel the other’s struggles and to feel guilt at the thought of limiting their help or terminating the relationship. This motivates them to reduce the other’s suffering (and their own) by continued helping and makes them quick to back off of any limits they set.

Helpers prone to co-dependent relationships often find intimacy in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helpers are often dependent on the other’s poor functioning to satisfy emotional needs such as the need to feel needed, and the need to keep the other close due to fears of abandonment. Feeling competent (relative to the other) also boosts the low self-esteem of some helpers.

In the co-dependent relationship, the other’s dependence on the helper is also profound. The other is bound to the helper because the helper’s lengthy aid has impeded their maturity, life skills, or confidence, or enabled their addiction, or poor mental or physical health, making them dependent on the helper’s assistance. Their poor functioning brings them needed love, care, and concern from the helper, further reducing their motivation to change.

Due to their below average functioning, these others may have few relationships as close as their relationship with the helper. This makes them highly dependent on the helper to satisfy many of the needs met by close relationships (such as the need to matter to someone and the need for care). It is this high degree of mutual, unhealthy dependence on the part of both the helper and the other that makes the relationship “co-dependent” and resistant to change.

Libertybazar · 23/04/2016 08:26

whatyousee thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I really am.
I think the fact that I felt I really couldn't talk to him about how I felt is testament to how dysfunctional our relationship is. I'm not blaming him for this. I am annoyed because he's disregarded my feelings, but in terms for our relationship, the things that don't work are the things that are fundamental to us as people. I don't blame him at all for the relationship not working, any more than he should blame me.

I think there is a thin line between being kind and giving clouded signals and false hope. I have not navigated this line particularly successfully!

Atilla totally agree that a successful relationship is one where both parties maintain a certain amount of autonomy.

Thank you for all of the relate recomendations, glad to hear it helps.

OP posts:
RhombusRiley · 23/04/2016 08:48

My XP is similar. I've recently told him it's over, though we're still in the same house and have to work out how to tell the DC and what to do accommodation-wise.

Exactly as he has throughout our relationship, he basically ignored me the first few times. I had to explain to him that he needed to see me as single and separated from him and not to, for example, strip naked in front of me. He hadn't really thought I actually meant it. He has always buried his head in the sand about anything he doesn't like.

It's difficult because I think he does mean well and doesn't deliberately want to hurt me – but he has hurt me throughout the relationship because he just doesn't seem to understand that I have feelings, and when I tell him about my feelings and needs I actually MEAN what I say. And that if he doesn't pull his weight or leaves me to sort things out, I have to do more work and take more responsibility and that's not fair. He just doesn't really seem to get that I exist as a person. He "loves me so much" but it's about him loving having me there to give him what he needs - not about my feelings.

The teddy bear description really rings true with me as well.

I'm finding that a separation isn't just one day or one conversation, it's an ongoing thing where you both have to get used to the idea and keep discussing things. Some days I think it's just too much to face, but others I know it's what I have to do for my own sanity.

ordinaryman · 23/04/2016 09:11

@Libertybazar - sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Hope you get it sorted.

For those who have tried Relate, have you gone alone (and with or without the knowledge of your partner)?

I am at the end of my tether in much the same way as OP, with a wife in denial, content with our disfunctional existence and making absolutely no effort in our relationship despite knowing full well I am unhappy.

I've mentioned counselling, but she a) dismissed it as the start of divorce and b) saying she'd "go if I really wanted to" (which is short-hand for "I think it's a waste of time, so don't expect me to engage with it properly").

So, I'm wondering whether to go by mysef on the quiet. I think having someone to talk to will help in itself (as it does on this board) and hopefully work out what to do next.

RhombusRiley · 23/04/2016 09:50

Hi ordinaryman, we have been to couples counselling together (while we were still a couple), and it helped a bit – it got DP to actually admit to certain behaviours he had always denied. But at the same time, I knew I wanted to split up really, and I was biting my tongue. I'm now seeing a counsellor alone and I've been able to express frustrations and annoyances much more freely that I felt I couldn't say in joint counselling because they would have hurt him so much. It helps me go over how feel honestly.

Shodan · 23/04/2016 10:08

It does sound like some individual Relate counselling might be of use.

I'd always thought we had a really open, honest relationship- I have brought up issues in the past which have made me unhappy, we've had long discussions about them- and things have changed for a short period of time and then reverted to 'normal' when he felt the crisis was over. So he wasn't really listening.

It was very interesting to read Attila's post- so much rang true, and I certainly hadn't considered my marriage from that point of view before.

Duckdeamon · 23/04/2016 11:56

Not all relate counsellors are well qualified: if you attend counselling (alone would be best as PPs say) a BACP registered one would be best.

If you no longer want to be in the relationship, that's good enough reason. You are not obliged to wait to end it and move things on in terms of living separately, financial split etc if you don't want to.

Awoof · 23/04/2016 13:18

I really felt like the only person in the world with all this.
Thanks for starting the thread liberty.
Do any of you in the same situation have any plans put together or anything?
I'm planning to speak to dh tomorrow night or Monday about finances etc. We do need to save up enough so one of us can leave, this will have to be a joint effort and will take about 2000 pounds I think. As well as furnishing a new place to some extent.
I have already got a few duplicates hidden away so that will make life a bit easier.
Just feel horrible pangs of sadness now and then but I think we are actually bejng a bit more friendly etc now the massive white elephant in the room is gone.

lousylear · 23/04/2016 13:39

Yes. I've been planning behind scenes for weeks. Now he knows he's gone from being angry to really nice. But I'm still going as I know it won't last. We're all away next wknd for my sister's 40th. Then I'm moving into rented accommodation with my 3 kids. Just waiting for references to be sorted. I have opened a single bank acc, got 0% credit card and applied for tax credits. Gone through whole house sorting my stuff. Charity shopped a lot. Rest is sorted ready to go. Can't wait. 👍

Awoof · 24/04/2016 14:42

Lousy Lear I wish I could high five you

Going to try and talk to him again later. Just going to be firm and blunt again and ask specific questions about how he woukd like to proceed.
Mine is also being very nice and helpful. It won't make a bit of difference but at least the atmosphere is pleasant