See if you can actually give him something else to do that doesn't hurt?
I'm in no way belittling the importance for your in changing his approach, but I doubt he's being malicious or deliberately antagonising, even if he is selfish in not appearing to listen.
Speaking from personal experience, he might be confused as to what you want nowadays and how to please you, hence my suggestion to actively tell him / show him what you want.
My wife latterly complained about a lot of my foreplay feeling uncomfortable for her. She had enjoyed it all in the past, but since having our children things had obviously changed.
However, all my wife did was told me all the negatives (have you got sharp nails? / that's putting me off / don't play with my b**bs as they're too sensitive these days / NO! not there / etc.) without much tact and without helping me understand what she did want. She just basically pushed me away and decided it would be easier to roll her own, so to speak.
Ultimately, despite being a caring lover, that's left me lonely and rejected, is probably not much better for her, and could be terminal for the relationship.