I was introduced to Mumsnet fairly recently by a friend who felt it would help me with my own issues. It's been fascinating. I saw one thread I absolutely HAD to contribute to, so I registered and, oh no, can't stop dipping in to topics now! So many of the problems resonate with me, so much good advice is offered from all sides, there's so much caring on here, it's lovely. So now: my own attempt to start a discussion thread.
Although I'm a great one for venting about my own problems, I'm not in the mood to write a catalogue at this point (probably will later though!) However you'll need some bare details to start with.
I realised about a year ago that my marriage was effectively over and that to my own surprise I was glad about it, but for one reason or another have only just taken the first few steps towards making it happen. It's been suggested that my STBXH has a mild personality disorder, but he could just be a pig-headed unreconstructed male who hasn't quite got with the second half of the 20th century, let alone the 21st. I only know that I cannot and should not live with it any more. No question in my mind that his behaviour is unreasonable and will not change; I've been cobbling up our relationship for 23 years and everyone wonders why it took me so long to break out. We have four children, only one still of school age though.
Reading through people's problems here, I see so many who have "real" problems - DV, drink, drugs, affairs, serious sh*t to deal with or escape from, so much more extreme than what I was once happy to put up with. It makes me feel as if my complaints are a bit trivial really. Given that I always believed in marriage for life if you can possibly hack it, especially if there are children, I still sometimes wonder if I am being selfish and wrong-headed about this, until STBXH obligingly does something that reminds me exactly why it's over. All his good points are negative ones - awful things he doesn't do, ways in which he could be so much worse. I managed to be grateful for that for many years, but it really isn't enough. I want, need out before I'm carried out screaming.
I'm not looking for reassurance here (as I've done all the agonising and know what I have to do in my own situation), I'm looking for a debate. Rights and wrongs in general, please, of ending a marriage, when it is possible in theory to keep going and maybe improve some aspects. Should one never settle for less than the best, how many maddening things should you be prepared to put up with/should your partner be prepared to put up with, is marriage for life just a pipe dream etc. I'm looking for good strong polarised opinions, all sides explored, some wishy washy counsellor-speak in between and loads of hair-raising anecdotes!