Potential date but.....

[SoThatHappened]

Ok so my friends set me up on tinder.

Had some awful guys and some nice ones. My friends did a lot of swiping for me.

Some date requests. One seems really nice and asked me out for drinks.

But....I did my usual background check, nothing more than a cursory look at facebook. Is the universe trying to kill me? He is facebook friends with and went to school with my bastard ex who I keep writing about here...the one who lied about a future and was just using me for sex and has now swanned off with a new woman.

I cant can I? I cant go on a date with this man can I?

So I decide to ghost which based on your responses is sensible.

The last text from me was agreeing to cocktails and he texted back saying good but said in a way my ex used to.

He was also wishy washy in choosing plans just as my ex was. he asked me whether I wanted to choose or should he.

I never replied to his text saying he was looking forward to it.

Now he's sent nothing texts telling me about his saturday and asking what I'm doing.

I am perhaps being massively paranoid but one thing has occurred to me.

I dont really want my ex knowing I am still single and using tinder when he is still with the woman he dumped me for.

It isn't a competition to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

You have to move towards not giving a flying fuck what this man thinks.

There's no shame in being single or being on Tinder. And it's none of his fucking business anyway.

Yes go on a date with tinder guy. You don't need to talk about ex on dates anyway so don't mention it just because he is a Facebook friend and went to same school. I went to school with and am FB friends with many people I am not "like". Make sure your boundaries on how your going to be treated are clearly in place and give an innocent date a try ? I date off tinder only 1 so far I have to say he was completely normal but wasn't a match for me. Good luck X

What Cabrinha said. Definitely. You need to reach a State of Meh about this.

As Will Wheaton said to Sheldon Cooper "I'm living, rent-free, right up here" (points to Sheldon's head). Don't give ex any more head space. He's already had enough out of you.

Ok I decided I was being ridiculous and that there was no way my ex knew in any way.

The guy seemed really nice and chased me up and said he needed to make a reservation for us.
But he had picked an area where I used to hang out with my ex.

So I recommended another place somewhere else.
He has said no it has to be there as he now has an invitation to a friends birthday he wants to go to after and I am welcome to come too.
Wtf.
We've exchanged a few texts I've never spoken to him let alone met him and he wants to take me to a friends birthday the day we meet.

Ex aside this is weird.

But my gut now says my ex will be there.

I think that is it.

Bin him off. Whatever his motives, whether your ex is involved or not, none of this is worth the worry and stress.

You're not going to like this view I think.
But for whatever reason, you got something out of the drama with your headfucking ex boyfriend.
And now you're attracted to drama here.
Yeah, some people are paranoid - but I think instinct is more common than paranoia.

But let's assume this guy is legit...

• he isn't the only man in the world
• he's wishy washy which you don't like
• he's a friend or acquaintance of your ex
• he is possibly completely not legit
• he's paying no attention to what you want on the first meet
• he is acting oddly about this birthday party invitation
• oh and can I say again: he is not the only man in the world!!

Just bin him off.

maybe he is your ex?

this guy doesn't sound like he's right for you tbh. go, but be prepared to walk straight back out that door.

He's not my ex. They went to school together.
Not inconceivable that he told him and my ex is behind this.

Ex issues aside.....assume ex is not in the picture.

I don't want to go to a birthday party with a pile of strangers.
Im just going to ghost now.

Don't even go!
If you really think you're paranoid, then at least say "this date isn't working for us! Enjoy the party. Instead let's do at "

If he won't - and he's legit - he's not worth meeting.

Even if he's legit you won't be comfortable in a bar you expect your ex to turn up in.

Armchair psychologist though: you don't want to drop this guy because you think this connected to your ex and you want it to be, because you want him to still be fucking with you because fucking with you is still attention from him.

Oh yes cabrihna you're right.
If my ex is behind it....then he's not totally indifferent and wants to get another rise out of me

Im not going.

I mean that thought had crossed my mind.

I don't think you should judge him entirely based on the fact that he's Facebook friends with your bastard ex. Surely that's not evident enough that he's a similar person...is it?

Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something!

yes wot cabrinha said.

Guy kept texting me so i went for cocktails.

Nice guy. Funny, smart, talkative.

But when the conversation was moved by him to what we were looking for on Tinder and how long id been single and specifically what happened in my last relationship (asked in a very knowing voice) I just said it wasn't serious and moved swiftly on.

He seemed reluctant to tell me where he went to school.

I think he knows about him. He wants to see me again. Has texted me again. I can see why he and my ex are friends...both as puerile and childish as each other.

Had a good good laugh and blocked him and double checked my ex is still blocked every where.

Good.
Keep him blocked and move on.