Therapy and childhood abuse

[MedwayMumoffour]

I'm posting again under my name change again.

I posted back near the beginning of the year that around Christmas it hit me that I was abused as a child by my mum. I have a severely autistic toddler and some hoarding tendancies. There's no paths around crap or boxes to ceilings. No dead rats etc just too much stuff as I'm emotionally attached to things.

Anyway I went to the GP in Jan admitted I needed help with hoarding. I got cbt, it went well but it was only five weeks. I was assessed to get some more longer term therapy but I was told it was unlikely as that was more for biopolar / personality disorders etc. I was assessed but heard nothing.

At the same time I was trying to get respite for my asd child. He didn't qualify, I said when would I get help as I was desperate, I would need to drive off a cliff before I qualified. The socail worker told my Dh I might get sectioned, but never said this to me or in front of any witnesses ( felt like it was a threat to shut me up asking why he didn't qualify, as I'm sure we should be getting respite).

So, no respite, no cbt, no follow up for my assesment for more talking therapy.

Now I have been assigned a mental health socail worker. I have heard that this SW said she knows me and I have a quite serious mental condition - none of which is true, I'm sure something has got mixed up.

But - how likely is it that if cbt doesn't work you get assigned a mental health SW? I have no mental health history. Never taken any anti Ds. Surely this isn't the next step from cbt?

Anyway if you've read this far, if this isn't a mistake I shouldn't be telling a SW I was abused as a child should I? What can of worms is that going to open?

I think I need to get private therapy to keep my privacy. I can't belive firstly there hasn't been a mix up and secondly if it's not a mix up how a SW is the right thing. I feel like I have opened up asking for help and look what's happened.

The route of my hoarding is my childhood. I need to unravel that I have to know I'm totally safe to talk.

When I said about I would need to drive off a cliff before my Asd toddler would get respite, it was to another local council worker, I was never told that it was being flagged up to SS, I said it one evening in a meeting, the next morning SS was at my door talking about sectioning me for my own safety off the back of a flippant comment said out of frustration

CBT is great, and can really help people. But if it doesn't help enough, you should be able to get more in-depth therapy via your GP. Go back and ask for it--demand it! The services are stretched, but they are there for people who need them.

The therapists I've seen are very careful to respect privacy and to be thoughtful and tactful and kind in the way they treat their patients (or is it clients?).

I hope you find the help you need.

Thanks for replying. I guess I need to ask and wait to see why I have been allocated this socail worker when I was expecting some talking therapy.

I would have happy with longer on cbt but five weeks just isn't long enough

That sounds really confusing. I don't understand the process but shouldn't they explain to you what the new SW is for? Could she be assigned in relation to your child or is this definitely about your own mental health? If they haven't made it clear, ask. Discount whatever you hear on the grapevine as it could easily be garbled.

Re talking about your childhood, I think this needs to be with someone you trust. If the SW appears to be discussing her clients' issues in the way you describe, I'd suggest she's unlikely to give you that emotional safety. A lot of it is about finding the right individual to talk to, & if you can afford private therapy you have control over choosing someone in a way you don't through the NHS.

I spoke to the SW on the phone yesterday final after missing her calls since last week. I asked why and who had given her my case - she said she didn't know and need to check her notes. However when she talking to another council worker she seemed to know me. I have a very rare name so unlikely there is another 'medwaymum' she's got me mixed up with.

No it's defiantly a a duly mental health worker. I have asked about the kids as I said this is starting to feel intrusive and I'm worried about the kids. I was told there are zero child protection issues around me.

I doubt the child disabilities SW ever put that she could section me over a flippant comment from me in record, they really didn't want to take us dispite my son going to a sever and profound LD school. If that doesn't meet criteria then nothing will ( non verbal asd and SW was waiting to see if he improves )

Just feels either like a cock up or far to heavy handed. Hence if I say I was abused I will get even more eyes looking at us when I need is talk about it and move on

From personal experience I would say 1. Definitely do not mention your sexual abuse to the SS. I made that mistake when confiding to a health visitor at a time when I was suffering from post-natal depression. Because ditto when you're depressed, bad things rise to the surface more often. She told social services without informing me, and I a got a letter 1day before they turned up at my door. As you can imagine, I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks and was terrified about what assumptions about my state of mind they could be making. I was a sleep-deprived exhausted mother whose house was definitely not in show home mode. Well I had to pretend to fix up fast. That inflicted more harm on me than anything else.

What got me about it was that there was nothing to suggest my child was at risk any more than anyone else who had experienced a traumatic childhood. I wasn't feeling suicidal, just a bit sad, tired and struggling to get out the house and manage housework

Took me 6 weeks to get rid of them.

The psychological problems derived from Sexual abuse is not ATM being adequately treated by the nhs, or understood by by other professional bodies. Or even some mental health services. Just based on my experience.

I've had CBT and found it helpful. But what you get offcost on the nhs isn't usually anywhere near long enough. My area it's twenty weeks max and you only get more if, as you said you have a personality disorder etc. It means you have to go back to your doctor and exaggerate how bad you feel in order to get the scale of help you need. Then I find that the sometimes weird combination of behaviours that come with sexual abuse issues (hating to bathe your child because they'll be naked for e.g.) are just not addressed at all. Or worse misinterpreted. I personally think they should have people who only specialise in treating people with sexual abuse issues.

I think you should find a private therapist ASAP. You can Google in your area. Look at their specialism. I know they're expensive but a good one will be able to give you a proper mental evaluation. A clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist would be ideal, but they cost a mortgage. What you don't want is to be incorrectly labeled or misdiagnosed and seen as an unfit mother.

*What you get offered.

My friend was in your shoes with her ds and she asked for an assessment of her needs as she was his main carer. She told them it was getting too much for her and she needed a break they said no, she then said I cannot cope I will come to the office and leave him there if you do not help me but they ended up helping her as they could see she was at the end of her tether.

Her boy didn't sleep, she could hardly take him out etc and it was too much for her.

Your MH SW might decide you need no involvement but if you say something worrying then they have to report it because if you did harm yourself the women who you made your comment to would get in trouble.

Thanks, I think you have confirmed what I fear. I need to keep guarded and just concentrate on getting rid of any SW involvement in my life. Agree I was shocked that I was reported under "duty of care" as I am certain they need to inform you they are going to do so.

I was physically and mentally abused not sexually, I am sorry to hear you was abused to. It's just becoming a double hell as I lived it, now I'm trying to hide it at all costs to protect myself again.

Nightmare

One hoarding is a mental health issues.
Two if you want help with your son social services need to be involved.
So I would not fight this woman but work with her.

Sorry OP. Didn't mean to assume sexual abuse. I guess it's the first thing I always jump to! But any abuse is shit right? Sorry for your experience. Get the best help you can. You deserve peace of mind.

Yes I know hoarding is a mental health issue in itself. I have never been assessed for hoarding so don't know for sure I'm a proper hoarder. I certainly have issues with stuff, but it's all put away in cupboards and lift now.

I don't know if I want SS involvement or respite after the last few months now. Having a SW telling me my son might still recover from ASD in itself was something I don't think I can listen to. I would do lots more begging to get respite and I'm not up for that right now, maybe a few years down the line when his needs are more undienable.

I'm not going to do anything to push the SW out my door, I just don't think she's the right person to talk to about the abuse. I can see if she has some advice re emotional attachment to objects ( I have already stopped aquiring and that's going well). But telling her everything, I don't think I will. I would need a councilor and this doesn't feel like a normal therapy set up.

The SW told this other person that I had a mainstream disabilitating MH condition ( can't say what as would out me) but let's say biopolar. I haven't. I need to ask her 1) why she discussed that 2) where she has got that from as its at the best sloppy to mix your clients up.

There's too many red flags I think.

So in other words she wasn't saying. "Oh yes she has depression" it was a condition would very much impact on my ability to parent or lead anything near a normal life ( not that I'm saying biopolar would, I just don't want to say what is was as its too identifying)

You need to be assessed by a suitably qualified professional before you can be labeled as having any condition. It involves talking to sometimes more than one professional and filling in assessment forms: For a serious 'personality' disorder such as say, borderline personality disorder, there are several measures of assessment that must be conducted before such a conclusion could be reached. Unless you've had any of those, no one can label you as suffering from xyz aside from maybe depression or anxiety.

This is why it is very important that you get a suitable assessment done by a trained professional and why I recommend you get one privately.

Yes, never ever been to doctor asking for more than 1) stress leave when eight months pregnant and doing 20 hour days in a corporate job 2) asking for help re hoarding. No medication ever.

I defiantly don't have the medical condition she said I had - it's incomparable with my everyday life and can be instantly and very easly disproved.

I don't think the arrival of this social worker has anything to do with your CBT or request for help.

She was sent to you in response to your comment about needing to drive off a cliff. She's not there to help your mental health by providing therapy: she's there to see what support you need, and if you're a danger to anyone, including yourself.

See your GP again and ask for more therapy. You won't get it otherwise, I don't think.

5 weeks of CBT is definitely not enough, try and get more or go private if you can afford it. 20 weeks would be a bear minimum in my opinion.

Are you sure the MH social worker is not there to help you cope with your child? Just asking because I have a lot of problems with my DD and while I'm waiting for her to be assessed by the psychologist I was offered a social worker from the mental health team to help me cope with her.

I don't think the SW is there to help with my child. I was assessed by the childrens disability team of SS. They said they don't normally help under gives and I was unlikely to get help but they would try. Then the disision was not to help, I had to pay for respite myself and seek out voluntary help then if I did all that and he didn't improve I could try again after a year.

But this is a adult mental health SW. It's defiantly not someone from the children's disabilty team.

If you are in the UK, normally the mental health teams are made up from care coordinators. They are both SW and CPN who do more or less the same job, assessing, getting the right support whether that be medication review or other support. She wouldn't be there with regards to the children, that isn't really adult services remit. CBT is often given for 6 weeks at a time. It isn't a long term therapy. If you found it helpful, you should go private if that is an option for you or ask the SW is there is any scope for some more. I don't think you need to be concerned, they just want to support you.