"You have my sympathy but he's not my problem."

[LadyTrevelyan]

Said eh regarding our son.

He left for ow app 2 1/2 years ago and tbf he has maintained contact ( so he fucking should), pays maintenance and shows some interest.

DS is having a very hard time recently and is so unhappy. We are waiting for a CAHMS appointment, many rages, hurting DD, me and himself. Came to a head last night and DS ran away (sensibly to my friend who is a police officer), I brought him home and we talked so much. Nasty to hear how my boy feels but a relief he is finally talking to me and some good of the horrible build up and arguments has come out of it.

I called eh mainly because he is DS's dad and he told me the above.

Floored me. Yes, our marriage is over but this? Just babbling really.

Well, at least you know where you stand and not to bother involving him any more. What a twat. Your poor son. At least your son can talk to you, and feels safe going to your friend - that's really good.

How old is your ds and what is the cause of the 'very hard time' he's been having recently?

He is 11 and has become more and more introverted and has self harmed.

So he's the kind of man who thinks fatherhood ends once he leaves the home. He's not an admirable human being is he.

What kind of RL support have you got OP? Do lean on them. There are people who will be there for you and your DS, and ultimately that matters more than blood and marital ties.

He appears to be ok at school atm but at home he is very sad, angry and, of course, upset. What is good is that we're talking a bit more. I don't know what is causing all our upset but if I did I probably wouldn't post. Horrible to see him at his age being so unhappy.

Is it his father's emotional (and physical to a degree) absence that's causing him all this anger? Does his dad have new dc with wife?

I'm sorry he's such a dick. Thank God your son has you.

Well he's just horrible , and your ds and you don't need him. Your ds especially with his df attitude.

Taking is brilliant and keep going with that. We go geo caching which means ds gets to hold the compass (!) and we walk and chat but not f2f - about all sorts of things. You could read " how to talk so kids will listen " which is very good.

Have you asked the school about councelling for your ds? My ds is much younger but he had some sessions privately with a fabulous person re his SF and expectations etc. Was very good and helped. He doesn't go now, just needed a safe person other than me. He doesn't go now and we're good

These men will never know the damage they do.

Please don't let your DS know what his father said as its not something easily forgotten and will probably set him back further. Unfortunately your dc will soon find out for themselves what sort of man their father is.

What a dick.
It sounds like it will be in your son's best interests to have as little to do with this wanker as possible. Such contact as he has had do far with a person who has that kind of attitude is probably doing more harm than good. No one who sees themselves as a loving parent could say such a thing.

That is pretty coldblooded. I don't understand the mindset that allows someone to disconnect from their children like that.

Agree with the above advice - you guys really don't need that kind of attitude in your lives - if anything, he's more likely to cause you and your son further harm than good. I would focus on your son and continue being the great role model he needs.

i would ask for it in writing call him a twat and hang up