One of my friends has been in an abusive relationship for a long time now, and it's been ramping up.
There's a group of us who've been talking to her, persuading her that how she lives isn't normal, and that she deserves better. We think he's noticed a change in her since she's been talking to us, and has started to really escalate his behaviour. He hasn't hit her, so she's struggled to accept that she needs to escape, but she's starting to talk like it's a possibility.
He controls the finances, so we've been putting money aside for her where we can, and she knows we have this fund waiting for her.
Between us we have the means to get her out of the house and away to somewhere he can't find her. It is possible we might need to whisk her away very soon, so I just wondered if you could help me figure out a checklist of things she will need to do/know that we could help her with.
I'm trying to keep this fairly vague, and have NCed just because I want to eliminate even the smallest chance of him finding out what we are planning.
She is married, and they have a few small children (all under 5) who are home ed.
What practical steps will be needed after we've got her out?
And how is best to deal with him wanting to see the children? She won't want to keep him from them, he's a lazy parent, but not actually a risk to them (as far as we know). At the same time he is a risk to her, mentally rather than physically - though I wouldn't like to take chances there, and he has previously threatened to stop her seeing the kids (eg. trying to use her mental health against her - she struggles with depression surprisingly 
)
She is currently terrified of the confrontation and how he will react if she does take the kids. Are there options where he could see the kids without her having to see him? And without him being able to snatch them?