manic depressive boyfriend

[picklepie1]

So like the title suggests, my boyfriend is a manic depressive.
Honestly he has every right to be. He's been through some really horrific things in the past year and a half. I won't go into too much detail, but he's seen quite a few people die (including his mum and friend) in some really horrific ways.
He needs counselling and has been to the GP twice who have given him the number for a bereavement place. He hasn't called.

He has horrific mood swings. He takes all this anger and frustration out on me and then gets even more annoyed when I get upset or tell him to stop taking it out on me.
If I say anything that even slightly demotes I'm "being off" with him he spends the rest of the day arguing and crying until eventually he calms down.
We fight everyday. Usually because I'm "in a mood" with him or something along those lines.

We have a beautiful 10 month old son but my boyfriend has become quite withdrawn and quality time with his son usually consists of putting him in front of the telly and him sitting on his phone.

We broke up briefly a month ago because I was so stressed out and under a lot of pressure from different things and Id had enough.
He tried to take his life and ended up in hospital for a while.
For our sons sake we tried to work things out and for a few days he seemed to stop taking his frustration out on me.
It didn't last long.

I'm at the end of my tether. He's been through horrific times and I want to be there to support him and help him be back to the person he was before all of this. But it's destroying our relationship. I don't know what to do.

"See I believe in the old fashioned way of sticking around and helping to fix the problem. Yes it may not be nice right now and he may be taking his frustration out on me. But that's only because of his mental health".

You think you can fix him; if you have rescuer and or saviour tendencies those need to be reigned right in because you are now being dragged down by him. His actions towards you are based on power and control; that is simply not frustration on his part.

Supporting him does not mean you solely trying to fix, rescue and or save him from his own self. You cannot act as such in a relationship because it never works and love is never enough. He does not want your support and or help and you cannot love him better.

He can only help his own self here and currently at least he does not want to. He has you to use as his emotional punchbag; you're being emotionally abused and mistreated as a result and so in turn is your child. The only acceptable level of abuse within a relationship is none.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships; this is no relationship for you to be in or for him to witness at first hand.

OP, does your boyfriend have identifiable periods of mania, whether hyper or hypomania? This may or may not include unnaturally elevated moods, sleeplessness, wild ideas, impulsive habits, delusions?

Psychiatrists don't 'pass on their thoughts' they diagnose.

Either he has been diagnosed with BP or he hasn't. If he has, the psychiatrist would likely prescribe mood-stabilising drugs and may refer for therapy if appropriate.

Bereavement counselling is not a treatment for BP.

Sorry OP, but I'm afraid I can't help but feel that he isn't being entirely truthful with you.

Although I'm not sure how much that matters, because the situation is horrible. Please don't move in with him until/if he's dealing with this in a much more positive way. By which I mean accepting treatment, taking meds as prescribed and he's treating you with love and respect. You can't fix him.

Im currently being assessed for bipolar. Gp referal to CMHT was Nov 15, initial assessment feb 16. They think I have bipolar but said they don't diagnose on first session. Next app is june 2016! I was left with no meds. Had to go to gp for AD's until I see CMHT in june.

Ive been given mood diaries to complete and phone numbers to ring for help. Lots of booklets of information about bipolar/medications to look through. Ive been told I can drop into the centre for a coffee if im feeling manic/depressed. Ive had other problems and been given access (by referal) to support groups.

If you genuinely want to help your partner you need to talk to him and TELL HIM he needs to go to his GP to sort this so he can be on the correct medication/therapy. Unfortunately you have to push to be seen. You need to tell him if hes not going to be proactive in helping himself, you and your son will leave. Its not fair on you or your son to put up with his behaviour, behaviour which can be managed. Help will not fall at his feet he has to GO AND GET IT

I really didn't write this post to ask wether you guys think he is BP or not. I literally was just relaying what they medical professionals have relayed to me personally (they said this is what they think he has "developed" through all the trauma).
I really just wanted advice and help on how I can help him and help myself. Thankyou for your input but I don't feel like this thread has been helpful at all.

So if trauma caused it then he needs trauma counselling / therapy.
Until he gets it, limit your time and ds time around him.
Setting boundaries.

Insist he calls bereavement lines etc

But you can't help him, OP. Only he can do that.

You can help yourself by getting your DC and yourself out of there. That may be the kick into action he needs, or it may not. Either way you'll be protecting your child, who is the person that you ARE responsible for helping.

Thread not helpful if all you want is for people to say you should stay and subject you and DC to his moods and rages, because he is ill. But helpful in respect of presenting other options, I think. Whatever the case you can't fix him nor are you qualified to, just because someone is unwell it doesn't mean you have to prostrate yourself before that, and put yourself and DC at risk of harm. Its a terrible atmosphere for a child to grow in, too. He or you don't matter less than the person in the dynamic causing angst, in particular your child does not have the choice that you have to stay around negativity so to my mind, child comes 1st but of course its up to you how you view that aspect

If he has been diagnosed (which I doubt, it took 3 sessions with a psych for my bipolar diagnosis, manic depression/depressive isn't used any longer and can been seen as having quite a bit of stigma attached) they should have looked at medication to reduce his mood swings.

If his mood swings are that frequent chances are its other rapid cycling or not bipolar at all but borderline personality disorder instead (incidently I had my rapid cycling bipolar 2 re-diagnosed at bpd because they are so similar)

Either way he needs to see a mental health professional to discuss diagnosis, treatment and possibly medication. Someone as unstable as he sounds wouldn't be given talk therapies without stabilising medication first.