Family Visits ... Expectations and Etiquette?

[NotQuiteCockney]

We now have enough space for more overnight guests than we used to have. So now MIL and PIL come to stay sometimes, when it fits with everyone's schedule. They help a lot with both boys, and they do make their own tea, so by and large, it's fine.

By and large, this is fine. But I've had some wibbles about some behaviour. It probably isn't worth challenging them on it all, but I just want to check whether these things are acceptable in other people's houses ...

1. Leaving the bathroom door open while on the loo. (I think DH has put a stop to this one, but only by threatening to photograph her, and put pictures up online )

1. Just turning on the telly and having it on all evening. Loud. (Thank god we have two lounges these days, or I would have gone mad over Xmas.)

1. Finding a pile of papers, and just casually going through it, reading everything in the pile.

What behaviour does everyone else struggle with, with family guests?

I am guilty of leaving the bathroom door open But I try not to do it if we have guests or I am at someone else's house
So I think I could forgive that.

The telly thing - that's just something I put up with when we have ILs here. I would feel rude saying anything, and I actually think they can't hear it properly unless it is LOUD.

Going through papers (like letters/bills, etc?) No, don't think I'd be happy with that.

If it was my parents I would say something. If it was dp's I'd make him. But most of the time we also figure it's not worth making a big deal over... Just and bear it mainly...

Well they obviously feel very welcome and comfortable which is nice BUT no the toilet door should be kept closed and they have a nerve going through piles of papers, that would irritate me immensely. the tv thing wouldn't really bother me much tbh.

Both DH and I leave the bathroom door open if we don't have guests! And I don't care if the ILs leave the door open at home, if it's just them, or them and my DS1 (who just doesn't care about such things).

But neither DH or I want to see the ILs on the loo. Unsurprisingly.

Yeah, bills, whatever. I mean, in theory, last night, when I found MIL at it in the kitchen, she was looking for something to read, i.e. a newspaper or magazine, but she was actually reading a letter from DS1's school, I think.

No you are right NQC, one doesn't generally want to see ILs on the loo really...

I can see why these things would irritate you but I wouldn't made an issue about them. I would not leave any confidential paperwork out - my mum is nosy, I also am a tad inquizative , but I don't think it's a major crime.

Message withdrawn

I guess they see it as their son's house, but it's my house too!

He's annoyed by the "flicking through" thing, too (and the open door, for that matter).

Our house is sometimes a bit chaotic, and I don't like having to think, in my house "ooh, is this private, do I need to put it away somewhere hidden?". It's my house!

No, I don't think we'll confront them about any of these, I just wanted others to share my outrage.

Ask her next time if she'd like you to take a photocopy of everything so she can read them in her own time. Or perhaps just have your mail redirected to her?

I'd take them from her and ask what she thought she was doing to be honest. And i'm recoiling in horror at the thought of my IL's on the loo. Ick!

All three would piss me off actually and my parents who come for long stays never do those three.

My parents bend over backwards to be easy guests but the fact they're in the house for a few weeks winds me up actually.Also the fact that my mother doesn't dry the granite work top and leaves it all cloudy.Sorry ridiculous pet peeve of mine.She just rolls her eyes at me and I bite my tongue.

My dad flicks channels all day if he's bored but doesn't have it up loud.

I am suitably outraged on your behalf at leaving the toilet door open. that is just wrong wrong wrong.

I could just about live with the others, but not that.

arrrghghhh all that would really piss me off and i simply wouldnt have them to stay.

My FIL always belches loudly and farts loads and thinks it funny that really gets my goat and when he goes upstairs to the loo he goes into each bedroom for a nosey

DetentionGrrrl lol at the photocopy idea!

I'd be furious at the ILs for reading through my letters etc. That's way too much.
(Leaving the toilet door open my just be more due to habit and I'm sure that could be stopped after a quick word from DH.)

If the letter thing happens again, and you don't want to be confrontational, perhaps a quick joke (somewhere along the lines of the photocopies!) would do the trick. Not worth causing a big fight about but IMO not acceptable either. I wouldn't put up with that TBH!

Reading other people's post is bang out of order. My PIL have done that in the past and I wasn't best pleased.

Loud telly is a pain but you could just take control of the remote and turn it down, saying the kids are asleep. Or, you could suggest a game of Cranium or Scrabble instead. It could get you all talking and having fun.

And loo door open - nice one. Yuk. Some things just aren't meant for sharing.

Well, some gentle words and requests didn't sort the loo thing, so DH (and FIL, to be fair) resorted to hunting for the digital camera, so they could take a picture and put it up online.

Oddly enough, it stopped after that! Mostly anyway.

I may have words about the post thing. I'm not sure how much it's worth it, but it is bogglesome. They seem to think it's totally acceptable! I mean, I would definately pick up a newspaper or magazine at someone's house and flick through it. If there are papers sitting out, I have eyes, I may see things I shouldn't, but I look away, and I certainly don't pick them up and have a nosy.

The post thing is particularly irritating because there are some things (e.g. DS1's report card) that I really really wouldn't want her to see. And she does see our lives as being really her business, to a tiresome degree.

I don't think I want to play pictionnary with them! I want quiet reading time!

They are helpful with the boys, and I'm glad we can have them to stay. I'm just also glad to know that MN agrees with me that they're mad.

(Oh god, a local Belgian friend visited while they were here, and she was chatting with them. They found out her husband teaches English locally, and MIL was very worried that he might be Belgian, and teaching English! Can you imagine that! [eye rolling])