Last night I was really rude to a man

[BottleBeach]

I met this man 2 years ago Internet dating. Thoughout that time I have understood that he's not interested in me romantically. We had a goodnight kiss on our first date, and exchanged 'thanks for a lovely evening' texts afterwards, but then the next contact I had from him was 2 weeks later; a text at 5pm on a Saturday asking if I was free that night, which I wasn't.

Since then we have met up a handful of times, either for a drink or to go kayaking. (He has a kayak. I'm pretty keen and enjoy it, but not enough to get into it as a hobby of my own accord.)

We go long periods with no contact, often broken by him sending a text meant for someone else, leading to us catching up by text and him suggesting we get together. I enjoy his company, and I'm happy to carry on being friends.

We met up a couple of weeks ago and, unusually, saw each other twice over the weekend. Then early this week he texted to ask if I had plans for Friday. I was surprised to hear from him so soon, and told him I had some chores to do, but was otherwise free. He replied at lunchtime on Friday to ask when I'd be finished. I replied after work and he asked if I fancied a drink. Then we had a 2.5 hour text conversation about where to meet. Fucking ridiculous. Any other of my friends I would have just called them up and sorted arrangements like a grown up, but I think a bit of me was just seeing how far he'd take it.

I suggested a pub near me, he tried to get me to come closer to him. We live in the same city, about a mile apart. I explained why I didn't want to go far. He agreed to come to me, but then he didn't like the pub I'd suggested. I suggested some others. He complained again about the distance. He suggested somewhere half way. I was pretty bored of this by then and said not to worry then, maybe another time, and took that to be the end of the conversation.

Meanwhile my friend rang and asked if she could come over, and I said yes. He then replied 20mins later to say I'd "won", agreeing to come to me. I said my friend was coming over now, apologised, and said I had thought he didn't want to come. Which I admit was disingenuous of me, but by that point I was feeling annoyed with him and didn't want to meet up anyway.

So, I was rude, and childish. It was crappy of me not to agree to meet halfway. I just feel like everything is always on his terms and I was digging my heels in. Judging from his final text to me he's pretty annoyed. Should I contact him to apologise? Have I had him wrong all this time and he's actually dead keen on me and I've been treating him really badly?

Not worth the angst.

The 'is he keen?' question came up from me feeling rude for cancelling and wondering whether I am been the mean one all along.

Op when you get to school on Monday tell him you don't want to be his girlfriend any more and don't sit next to him in lessons.

You live a mile apart.

If either of you wanted to see the other, you'd be willing to go a WHOLE MILE.

On the conversation last night, you'd decided that you were not meeting.
"Don't worry then, maybe another time" would not normally be followed up with "Oh OK then you've won".
Do your interactions normally play out like that - like saying "No" is just a part of the game?

"Accidental texts" to get back in contact with you, arguments over a pub one mile away, sulking and seeing everything as winning or losing, not man enough to make a nice simple call about an evening out, coupled with expensive man child hobbies.

Just close the window on your world. Plenty of normal men out there.

You weren't rude. Mark my words he'll be more keen than ever after that little rebuff.

Agree that you weren't rude. Tough titty that you'd decided to see your friend instead of him.

How are you being rude? You've expressed a preference/opinion which is perfectly valid - why are you thinking that is out of order?

Trills- Despite appearances here, I'm not one for games, so no, I wouldn't normally expect 'no' to be followed by 'you win'.

But knowing him, I wasn't too surprised when he did eventually reply, so I suppose that's where I think I was rude: I should have been clearer that 'maybe another time' meant 'no' so as not to give the impression I was playing the game.

Anyway, this has already taken up far more headspace than it deserves. Thank you all for your wise words and support!

I don't think you were rude.

No, not rude. He's used to getting his own way (8/10 outings more convenient for him than for you) and was expecting to get his own way this time. Serves him right that he pushed it too far and you said 'thanks but no thanks' and accepted another offer.
What will you do the next time he sends a fake mistake text? Hopefully ignore or close the dialogue quickly with 'no worries' or similar? Surely you've had enough of this?!

WallyBantersJunkBox
"..... coupled with expensive man child hobbies."

Come on, wally, I'm sure women do kayaking too. Would that make them a "woman-child"?

WallyBantersJunkBox
"..... coupled with expensive man child hobbies."

Come on, wally, I'm sure women do kayaking too. Would that make them a "woman-child"?

Avoid this one. He "thought" you saying "not tonight then" actually meant "but I really want you to come to me". I cannot stand men who so wilfully ignore my wishes misunderstand me.

Don't waste guilt on this manipulative wanker.

He's been mucking about for 2 years. Shit or get off the pot.

He sounds thoroughly tiresome. You were not rude.

Doesn't sound at all unusual to me. I do most of my organisation meeting friends by text and email, even if it's not the most efficient. A couple of my friends would actually freak out if I tried to phone them: they just don't do voice conversation by phone.

Sometimes I can be bothered to travel a mile across town to go to the pub, and other times I'll only go if it means the local at the other end of the road.

I'm pretty fussy about pubs, and it would put me off if someone suggested going to a pub where they won't have anything I want to drink.

Of course none of this is a deal-breaker for someone I don't see very often if they really want to, but for people I see every couple of weeks or more often, yeah, I might just suggest something I'd rather do.

It's not 'games': it's probably some combination of indecision, not being good with phones, trying to give you some input while not liking the suggestions and failing to be clear about it. You were one half of this conversation too, failing to agree and be bothered to go further.

More generally you either enjoy his company or not, and on that basis decide if you want to see him. I don't think there's anything so unusual in his most recent behaviour.

When you said you were really rude I was expecting you to have said "Fuck off a suck a bowl of dicks you utter arsenugget" not telling him you've made other plans!

Leave this fucker to his playground antics. As for your jaunt in a couple of months, are you staying with his housemates or something? Or a hotel where he works? I'd make other plans TBH.