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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

thread vanished: best friend betrayed me

19 replies

winkywinkola · 14/04/2016 19:08

Where's that thread gone by Conkers whose bf was having an affair with her h?

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 14/04/2016 19:25

Removed by mnhq as the op was concerned about being identified.
Hope she's ok exDh and exBF sound a right pair of cunts.

Lunar1 · 14/04/2016 19:27

Hope you're ok if your reading.

guinnessguzzler · 14/04/2016 20:36

Yes, they sounded horrendous. Just can't believe how cruel some people can be.

There was an odd comment towards the end and I wonder if that had to do with the deletion but who knows?

If OP is reading, please remember everyone here is rooting for you even if we can't give you any more support just now. You will get through this and have the future you deserve, as will that pair; even if they're not stuck with each other for the long haul, they'll each always be stuck with themselves.

AntiqueSinger · 14/04/2016 21:46

Yes I've been wondering about this all afternoon! I felt maybe she may have felt people were trying to tell her what to do. I wrote what I hoped was a helpful post re exDH bullying her and wonder if the OP felt pressured or upset.

Dear Conkers, if you're reading, I hope nothing in my last post upset you. I may have projected too much, and if so I'm really sorry and a silly cow. Hope you are OK, and of course you have to deal with a very difficult situation in a way that's right for you. I think you've dealt with everything thus far amazingly.

I'm certain lots of good things will eventually emerge from what is currently a very difficult time, and you more than deserve them!

Fishface77 · 14/04/2016 22:00

Antique confers struck me as someone who is a good person and has her head glued on. I doubt that your words offended her.Flowers to you both.

mutantninja · 14/04/2016 22:14

I was also wondering where this thread had gone. I think there was so much support for her and H and BF were such manipulative bastards. Hope she comes back.

SoleBizzz · 14/04/2016 22:35

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. You are a zillion times better than you know

AntiqueSinger · 14/04/2016 22:38

I hope not fishface. Thanks for saying thatFlowers

mutantninja · 14/04/2016 23:32

antique I thought you were so helpful and honest, everyone was outraged by her situation. It is genuinely one of the worst threads. You were trying to be supportive .conkers I hope you are ok.

amarmai · 15/04/2016 02:20

it might be that she really needs to beleive that her ex is not ea or a bully and needs to put all the blame on the ow. I posted sim , so don't blame yourself Antique. Also wonder if she is hoping to get back with him.

AntiqueSinger · 15/04/2016 13:13

Yes that may be how she felt amarmaiSad But her DH was being bullying and EA. But it was her choice at the end of the day to do what is right for her. Sometimes people aren't ready to make difficult changes even if they know things are crap. I should know. I have the t-shirt and the jumper! I just hope she realises all the advice she got was because we were all angry on her behalf, and is ultimately happy whatever she decides at the end of the day.

Original poster
winkywinkola · 15/04/2016 13:27

I think she knows what a wanker her exh and exf are.

OP posts:
amarmai · 15/04/2016 13:28

she got amazing support and i'm sure it helped her. My feeling thru out the thread was she was resisting acting on the advice and so clearly not ready. I pulled back on responding for that reason. She'll make her moves when she is ready. It took me a loong time -no mn then . Your advice ws spot on , antique.

pilates · 15/04/2016 14:03

Antique, your post was well worded and truthful - Im sure it wasn't that.

I wondered if the XBF was on MN?

AntiqueSinger · 15/04/2016 15:02

Thanks Pilates

Hmm maybe it was. Stands to reason a lot of people on MN have friends or acquaintances that are also on MN, or have friends of friends who are regular posters. It was a pretty detailed thread, so maybe it did get found out. It would be awful for OP to lose out on support because someone told OW. Maybe it's a mix of different reasons. I feel in my heart she felt a bit pressured, was overwhelmed, and decided she wanted to do things her own way. Just hope things work out for her.

nicenewdusters · 15/04/2016 16:48

Antique - you may remember I also posted on that thread quite a lot. I can't think of anything you said that would have caused offence.

I did start to wonder on Tuesday if the thread was becoming too "outing". It was pretty detailed, and Conkers was a regular poster before, so may have had several MN friends.

Due to the sheer vileness of her situation, she was getting loads of responses. Her answers were often quite short, which I felt demonstrated her utter mental and physical exhaustion. Maybe she felt she was being pushed into a corner as to telling her dc, and advice on ignoring her ex.

Whatever the reason, and any reason you chose is 100% valid, if you're reading Conkers, you will pull through. You'll do it your way, because you know all the light and shade of the situation. As others have said, whatever happens, we'll still be here, keyboards at the ready.

AntiqueSinger · 15/04/2016 17:07

Of course I remember our fat chocolate sit-in followed by OW squishfest. nicenew. Shame we didn't get to carry it outGrin

nicenewdusters · 15/04/2016 18:46

Thought you'd remember Antique ! Despite my protests have today consumed:

1 Creme Egg
3 very small Lindt eggs
3 Starbursts
Left over bit of large egg (left over by me)
2 Mini eggs

(Oh, and 2 real eggs from a chicken - but they were fried)

If Conkers does come back and I'm in Cocoa Rehab, please send her my best.

AntiqueSinger · 15/04/2016 22:19

GrinShall do nicenew. Although as your addiction has progressed to this severe stage, I suspect you are a lost cause as far as treatment or further intervention is concernedSadGrin

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