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Relationships

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Original poster

cancelling the wedding

23 replies

kittylette · 08/01/2007 21:17

this is the 2nd time

we just havent got the money to have what we want.

We booked the church and cars so will only loose around £70 deposits thankgod

my mum is giving us £1000 - but monly when her house is sold

our MIL had 1000 for us, but spent it over xmas ( )

she said shell give it us but by the time shes saved it it will be too late

FIL said hed contribute - but seems reluctant

so its off ... again

i feel so shite

i was getting excited

kitty

plus i paid a deposit on a dress on ebay - do you think ill loose that?

OP posts:

Dior · 08/01/2007 21:19

Message withdrawn

Original poster

kittylette · 08/01/2007 21:25

i love my DF and i understand what your saying

but we got together at 15, had kids at 19

we NEVER go out, honestly

im 22 and have BEVER been in a pub!

people our age go out partying everyweek, wasting money

we dont,

this is my ONE day and i want it to be how ive always dreamt

i know i could do it on a budget, but ive never had anyting for me, yknow - this my day to be a princess

OP posts:

Original poster

kittylette · 08/01/2007 21:26

Never! even hehe

OP posts:

Dior · 08/01/2007 21:30

Message withdrawn

caffeinequeen · 08/01/2007 21:31

Is this the dress that you were looking at without trying it on Kitty?

Original poster

kittylette · 08/01/2007 21:39

i took the pic to my local wedding hire shop and tried a similar one on, it was gorgeous and the same cut and shape according to the shop assistant

so i bought the one on ebay, yes

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 08/01/2007 21:49

How much do you in altogether and could you get a bank loan for it or something?

Original poster

kittylette · 08/01/2007 22:12

we can get a loan, we have no credit cards ect

so have no credit history weve tried before

i dont really want to get in debt over it

OP posts:

Original poster

kittylette · 08/01/2007 22:13

cant

OP posts:

WestCountryLass · 08/01/2007 22:49

Personally, I would get a loan, are you talking about £4K?

You could pay off half of it when your parents come up trumps with the dosh, and may I be as bold as to suggest that if people ask what you want for a gift you could politely ask for cash or travel vouchers?

DetentionGrrrl · 08/01/2007 22:53

Oh poor you. I can appreciate feeling disappointed about it.

I booked my reception today and i at the cost, and ours is going to be 'cheap' (no sit down meal, my Mam is making the cake etc) DP and i are paying for it all ourselves, so i bought my dress in Monsoon (lovely!)Despite ours being a 'cheap' wedding, it all adds up. It looks like ours will be about £3000 inc the honeymoon.

There are lots of ways you can 'scrimp'- think about people you know and what they can do for you. (For example, my boss likes photography, and he'll be taking our wedding pictures, our mates are DJ's, so they'll be doing the music for us) You may be surprised.

And i know it's not what you want to hear, but i'm sure what you really want more than anything is a great marriage, not a great day. Maybe needs must etc.

Judy1234 · 08/01/2007 22:54

It's difficult. Most of us would say don't get into debt but you obviously really want it. It sounds like you were expecting £1k from each of the three relatives.

Original poster

kittylette · 09/01/2007 19:59

if im honest i would get a loan to cover it, but we cant

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/01/2007 20:04

What is stopping you from getting a loan?

BuffysMum · 09/01/2007 20:05

I too have had to accept that I won't have the day I really want. We are having a finger buffet at £7 per head for food and as it is in church then the alcohol is limited to a glass of wine each anyway plus we'll only have about 60 guests inc children. I'm just having the basic flowers etc etc etc but it was our choice to have children, buy I house etc and it's taken us 5 years to save 10k and I'm not blowing that on one day we will probably spend 2k in total max hopefully nearer 1k

I think you will lose your deposit but perhaps you should go ahead and buy it as you will need it one day!

Original poster

kittylette · 09/01/2007 20:06

we cant get one

weve never borrowed before so have NO credit history

we tried with our bank, but they said to get a loan we have to get a store card - pay it off

then get a creditcard- pay it off then ring them back

but that'll take ages

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/01/2007 20:16

Okay - how about you get a credit card. You pay for some every day things and simply pay off a few days later to the exact amount.

I dont think it would take that long to get a loan agreed. Surely you have household bills that you pay regularly?

Original poster

kittylette · 09/01/2007 20:21

oh yeah, we have direct debits that go out for bills, and we do have an argos card, which id forgotten about, which gets paid off by DD each month

but apparently thats not enough

ill try the credit card thing

OP posts:

Original poster

kittylette · 09/01/2007 20:21

thats direct debit - not dear daughter by the way, lol

OP posts:

kickassangel · 09/01/2007 21:34

this is sad. it's stupid that having a 'good' wedding costs so much. if the deposit on the dress was a lot, is it worth getting anyway, and hiding it at your mum's?
could you start a bank account for the day & encourage your family to put money in so that they don't spend it for you?
remember that there are some very cheap alternatives that don't cost loads - asda are bringing out wedding dresses, bhs do lovely things for bridesmaids, all the supermarkets do iced fruit cakes you can just put some flowers on etc. the reall killer is the reception - do you have any friends who could do a finger buffet (you pay for food, they make it), and a pub with a nice room? about 10 years ago i did a friend's wedding & the total (exc. holiday) came to less than £1,000. She still looked, and felt, like a princess!

RosaLuxembourg · 09/01/2007 21:36

How much deposit have you paid on the dress? If you are sure it is the dress you want, I would be inclined to go ahead and buy it anyway - then that will be one thing less to pay for later on. If you are just postponing the wedding rather than cancelling it completely then see if the car people will hang on to deposit and let you rebook in the future. It is goodwill for them after all, because you could decide to go elsewhere the next time.
As regards the reluctant relatives, here is what I would do.
Sit down with your DP and work out a detailed budget. Then go to each relative who has offered to contribute and say. We have worked out exactly what the wedding is costing. Your £1000 (or whatever) is being used to pay for x. The deposit is due on this date, the balance on this date. Once they have taken on responsibility for something specific it will be harder for them to back out.
Once they have agreed then the date is set in stone and they can't let you down after that.
You deserve your big day and it sounds like people are being rather selfish, but sometimes you just need to be really firm and get it through to them how much it means to you. Maybe you have been acting too politely and they have failed to realise how strong your feelings are about this.

Cappuccino · 09/01/2007 21:39

we had a lovely day and it cost less than a grand

you can still be a princess on a budget

Don't get the idea of 'princess for a day'. Sorry. If a man loves and you love him and you treat each other with love for the rest of your lives, that's what marriage is about. That's something money can't buy.

Twinkie1 · 09/01/2007 21:43

Kitty my first wedding cost thousands and I am talking in the 20s and my second was less than £5k and I have to say the second was better - it was about me and him and the kids - it meant so much more without the pomp and circumstance and everyone ooing and aaarrring - it was about what we said to each other - who was there and watching the kids boogie around the dancefloor with each other.

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