Beyond angry!!

[chopin33]

So sorry to be disyloyal but this is my first week off work today since before xmas and what do i do but bottom the house from top to bottom and do three loads of laundry am tired of all this but if I say anything to my dh he blows up i dont want to cause a rumpus and leave my kids with no dad but equally dont want to be a doormat work full time he is sahd x

for you.
What's has been doing if he is a sahd surely the household should be more his department?
It's too late to be stressing and you don't want to get into a row and ruin your week off. Spend the rest of the week relaxing with your feet up.

He's not so much a sahd as a stay-at-home lazy waste of space

What right has he to blow up?? None at all. He probably has a nice sleep while you're at work

Waste of space? Hmmm... In threads about SAHM many people say it's all about childrearing not being a maid, & demand spouses should still share housework 50-50.

Different for SAHD?

If he did 50/50 it would be a vast improvement, the way I read the OP

How old are the kids?

The stay at home parent should be doing 70% of the housework, IMO.

He blows up at you to shut you up, so that he can continue to get away with it.

What does he do during the day, apart from taking care of the kids?

If he is the stay at home parent then he is the main carer and if you split up the children will probably be with him more often than with you so there is no risk of leaving them with no dad. Just need to make sure you are aware of that.

How many children and what ages? If they are young, he probably has his hands full caring for them and has little time left for major cleaning tasks. Holidays and weekends are the ideal time to catch up on those jobs. Now you have done it, you can spend the rest of the week enjoying a bit of a rest and time with your family.

However, you sound like you think he isn't pulling his weight. Do you want him to look for work? Does he do laundry usually, shopping, cooking, washing up?

It's difficult to tell whether the "blowing up" is unreasonable or a perfectly reasonable response to being criticised when he's been looking after the children and domestic tasks all day every day.

If you genuinely think he is being lazy, then you need to not let the "blowing up" prevent you from stating your case. Calmly restate what you need and how you feel until he starts listening.

Exactly my thoughts LeaLeander

Surely it depends how old the children are? If thy are toddlers/babies then he will be busy most of the day with childcare. If they are school age, then surely he had a solid 5+ hours a day for housework, and thy would apply to men and women.

My thoughts too LeaLander

How old are your children?

Whoever does the main care is the main carer.

Someone who isn't employed and leaves their employed partner with the lion's share of childcare and housework is just unemployed not a primary carer.

I don't know what your situation is like though op, just wanted to make the point that in single earner families it isn't as simple as the unemployed partner is automatically considered a SAHP. It depends if they actually perform that role or not.