Last night my on/off boyfriend of the past year came over, we're currently off for about three weeks but have still been talking/texting a lot. I let him in and we started talking but it quickly escalated into an argument. He took my phone and keys off me (he usually does this whenever we start arguing) and wouldn't not let me have them back and he locked the doors. He soon got quite aggressive and in my face and was shouting questions at me and he slapped me when I didn't answer them, it wasn't very hard but he soon got really aggressive and was knocking me around the room and pinning me onto the furniture. Everytime I got back up he was throwing me back down until it ended in him having me by the throat in the kitchen. He also got hold of my dog really aggressively at one point because it went for him. That was the only time I grabbed him, I got hold of his arm to get him off the dog. The police turned up. When he realised the police were outside he told me that if I didn't drop him in it too much then he'd stay away from me and if I loved him I would think about his kids and how he wont get to see them if he's charged. The neighbours had called them after hearing him shout that if I didn't stop getting up he'd hurt me more. The police arrested him straight away without anyone saying anything. I didn't realise they had arrested him until later, I just thought that they had removed him from the house.
A police man came back about 20 minutes later and asked me to make a statement. I told him I wanted a little while to calm down before I made a statement but he insisted I made one there and then, he basically wrote it for me judging by the bruises and marks on me. He asked me a few questions about the relationship in generally, it has been very on and off. Usually things are good for three months but then he does something (cheats on me/lies about something major) and I don't hear from him in a month but he never fails to turn up again at some point. I felt really intimidated by the police officer and it probably didn't help that I was already in shock. I rang up afterwards and made a complaint about the way the statement was taken and that I had asked for abit of time to calm down but wasn't allowed to. My son was asleep upstairs at the time and the police checked on him with me and were satisfied he wasn't/hadn't been at risk or in danger but obviously it all went in the report.
The police rang me at 2pm today to tell me they had released him as I said I didn't want to press charges.
I haven't spoken to him since he's been released but I know he blames me for him getting arrested and spending the night in a cell. I feel guilty that he was arrested as I just wanted him removing from the house. He always said he would never forgive me if I ever got the police involved. He has a history of violence with his ex, the mother of his kids, that has just come to light which resulted in her being put into temporary accommodation and then housed.
I was also contacted by the domestic violence support people today. The police report must have been pretty damning as there was talk of refuge/being prioritised for housing but as he has never lived with me/ I have never been financially dependant on him/ we have no children together, I don't think I am classed as high risk. I just don't know whether I am comfortable with him knowing where I am/where I work. I don't think I will hear from again but people who know us both and who have seen the bruises on my face/neck and put two and two together think he won't be stupid enough to turn up anytime soon but it's only a matter of time.
I just don't know how I feel about all this, I don't see myself as a 'victim', I love him but I don't think he will ever change if he's done it before. I don't like that I feel guilty about his arrest, I know he blames me and will be hating me.
sorry this is long, I don't even know why I've posted it. Just feel alone.