Do you think counselling might help?

[Temporaryanonymity]

Bit of background. I divorced my alcoholic ex and we separated 4 years ago. I grew close to an ex boyfriend just after. Our relationship has been very up and down; I relied on him for emotional support during a very challenging time.

However, over the last year I have found him to be emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I accepted his apologies once or twice but I have recently told him never to contact me again. I've blocked his phone number, retrieved my key etc.

I miss his friendship, I am grieving my exH and I am lonely. I feel like a huge failure for having relationships with two men with alcohol problems. I am worried that in a moment of weakness I will let him back into my life and my home.

I know I need to break this cycle completely. It seems so easy to read about what to do but so much harder to put into practice. The last few years have zapped my confidence and my self-esteem and I really want to help myself.

My life is falling apart I think. I am a lone parent, work full time and have had a horrid day at work compounded by drunken calls from my ex boyfriend full of abuse and nastiness and proclamations of love. This is why I have blocked his number.

Would counselling help me build my confidence or is there something else I could try? I am feeling like I am tipping over the edge trying to hold it all together...

Yes yes yes - you do need counselling or therapy.
You can start with your GP and get a referral.

In the meantime please contact Al-anon. They can help you as well.
Then contact Womens Aid and enrol to do their Freedom Programme.
If you can't attend (better to attend in person) then do it on-line.

It is easy to read and actually easy to put in place once you get to that point!
Block block and ignore ignore.
Do not engage.

You really really need to find yourself. It seems you believe you NEED a man.
Well no we don't need a man actually.
You are no doubt more than capable of managing just fine on your own.

GP
Al-anon
Freedom Programme

Go for it. You'll be doing yourself such a huge favour!

It's interesting you say that I think I need a man. I don't generally think that way at all and actually to the outside world I am very strong and independent.

I will take a look at the freedom programme. I have been to al-anon in the past, it was ok but I find it tricky to get childcare in the evening.

Mostly yes, I do need to find myself. It's there on my to do list but other things take priority all the time :-(

Having thought some more, I think the thing that is niggling at me the most is that I have made some very stupid relationship choices over the years. I worry about repeating the same mistake in the future.

Would it help to think through the stuff I want to talk about with the counsellor is it best to explore this with the counsellor? I think I can access free sessions through work.

Yes definitely think about what you want to tackle with the counsellor.
It maybe that it goes completely off track but have an idea about what you want to change in your life.

I have made some very stupid relationship choices
And this is why you need to do the Freedom Programme!