Wedding in 2 days - urgent advice please!

[birdy1980]

So this morning we woke up & my fiance had wet the bed. We get married on Wed. This has never happened in the time I have been with him but apparently it happens once every 4yrs or so, for no apparent reason. My biggest problem with him is I sometimes want him to be more of a 'man' than he is (he is a sensitive kind soul) and this has thrown me into panic about whether he is 'strong' enough for me. Is this a sign for me to leg it?

I think you've been really brave to start this thread OP.

How do you feel when you think about spending the rest of your life with him?Compare that to how you would feel if you lost him forever.

I know it's far from ideal that your feeling this way so close to the wedding but if you are going to split up it would be far better for it to happen now than within a few days,weeks or months of you having got married.

If my DH wet the bed, it would be met with sympathy/probably a joke/giggle, end of. He wouldn't be any less of a man for it. He's not an 'alpha male' (so he doesn't spend all his time down the pub/doing sport/shouting at sport/expecting me to bow down before his wisdom), but I love him to bits. That's what's important, maybe stop judging him against some tick - list of manliness that's mostly bullshit anyway. Most men are not alpha males, thank goodness. The world would be grim if it was.

Your DP should LTB, you sound awful.

Also, for the record, the worst man for bladder issues/peeing in random places I've ever been out with was an 'alpha male' who used to routinely get blind drunk on nights out 'with the boys'. He was also highly abusive/sexist and a total dick.

Do you love him?

Are you sexually attracted to him?

Do you really, genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with him - the man he is now, not the man you want him to be?

If it isn't right for you, then bin him off before the wedding. If it bothers you now, save the hassle. A few of my female friends have married the sensitive some types and regretted it. Guess it's all about choice and preference

I dont think peeing the bed is a sign of a weak man you arebeing ridiculous and just agreeing with other posters about how harsh you are being on him if you cant cope with hisbladder problem then leave him what would you do if he became ill

I really don't understand what wetting the bed has to do with being an alpha male? You obviously have issues with him, maybe it is just cold feet or whatever. But to associate an accidental wee whilst asleep with how 'manly' he is, is really quite bizarre.

OP sounds confused.

Or just looking for an out.

Maybe he dreamt he was on the loo. It happens.

In years of marriage you will see worse. Especially when you get to the 'sickness' part of the vows.

In all serious though, sounds like you don't want to marry him and are "settling".
So don't marry him.
You should not be having doubts, but unable to wait until you walk down the aisle with him.

Poor guy. I suspect you've stopped reading by now OP, but you should absolutely leave him so he can find someone who actually wants and loves him for who he is.

Oh, and make sure you pay all the costs and debts incurred by calling off the wedding because it's quite unfair enough on your fiance that you have this opinion of him and he'll be devastated to learn what you really think about him without you saddling him with thousands of pounds of costs.

Agree with SGB - is there something more to this than you're not saying? I've never heard of an adult male wetting the bed without a medical reason, other than as a result of excessive drinking. Is this stress? Does he have doubts too?

What even is a "macho man"?

I'd be worried he'd had a fit overnight & ask him to see a doctor for medical causes to be reviewed.

Are you having doubts in general

OP. when I was pregnant, I wet the bed. Plus I once farted (have v bad wind when pregnant) and followed through. It was grim, dh was lovely about, talking me down while I sobbed in the shower [mortified]

I have also we the bed since, and have weak muscles, so it isn't unusual to literally piss myself laughing (or coughing, or sneezing)

My point is, this is the man you are marrying, probably going to have children with & you are probably going to have some after effects of that...how would you feel if your soon to be dh used those as an excuse to divorce you?

Oh eck - if this is real then for goodness sake do not marry the man.
You clearly don't want him as he is, you want some guy who acts differently (what you label as alpha male which is a load of tosh).
So set this guy free... which is what you would do if you truly love him, but are hankering after something else...

Poor bloke.
Your opinions of him are dreadful, I hope he reads this before the wedding.

For both your sakes - if you have doubts about your compatibility delay the wedding. Postponing our cancelling your wedding is easier than a divorce.

Anyone can judge your motives, but you two are going to be the only ones in that marriage.

Don't marry him. If you want the alpha male type and see yourself as settling, you won't be happy. I got married with many doubts and just had this vague idea things would somehow magically resolve themselves. They didn't.

I wonder if the OP married him or not?!

Glanced through this thread at the same time as this popped up on my FB ...

MEN who believe they are alpha males are deluded, it has emerged.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies studied self-styled alpha males and found them to be undistinguished men with larger-than-average watches.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “One thing that’s clear is that anyone who thinks they’re an alpha male isn’t one.

“94% of these people are involved with either the selling or marketing of mobile phones, an industry which is inherently unmanly. They live in new-build flats they can’t really afford and read GQ magazine for tips on how to find favour with their boss.

“The true alpha male is a mythical yeti-like beast – wild, unphotographed and possibly mythical.

“It would be more useful to classify men, and indeed humans overall, as ‘idiot’ or ‘not idiot’.”

(contd)

My DH used to do this regularly due to illness before we were married. I have done it too, when I was pg and when I've dreamed I was having a wee. We've also held each other's hair out of our faces when we've been sick, and cleared up snotty tissues when the other one has a cold. That's married life. And it's lovely, knowing someone will love you and take care of you even when you're at your least desirable.

Please, OP, don't marry him. Neither of you will be happy. Let him find the woman who's right for him, and you look for your alpha male (though I promise you, they're not all they're cracked up to be).

I hope you both eventually find happiness.

Oh, just saw this thread is a few days old! OP, what happened?