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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being slapped on the bottom...

18 replies

The2Ateam · 10/04/2016 20:27

Me and DH argue a lot. Over the years he has repeatedly during an argument, or when I'm trying to ignore him, slapped to on the bottom. It's not a friendly or second slap but (As I see it) a 'know your place', passive/aggressive slap. I have lost count the amount of times I have asked him not to do it. I have explained how it makes me feel calmly or not so calmly. This afternoon after he did it again, even though only 2-days ago same scenario. I was more angry than I have ever been, ever. I screamed at him and punched him in the arm - I have never done this before. My question is, am I wrong to feel so offended by the slap? I really am.

OP posts:
DraenorQueen · 10/04/2016 20:37

Quite where he slaps you is irrelevant. Would you keep tolerating it if it were slaps to your face? He hits your backside because he knows slaps to that area are associated with "playful flirting" and possibly less likely to be taken seriously. It's assault though and he is fucking dick.

enchantedfairytale · 10/04/2016 20:38

Gosh that's awful. It's so demeaning.

Guiltypleasures001 · 10/04/2016 20:40

What did he do or say when you punched his arm and screamed At him, that's the telling bit I think

Arfarfanarf · 10/04/2016 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

haveacupoftea · 10/04/2016 20:46

Tell him the next time he hits you, you'll call the police. He isn't allowed to hit you.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 10/04/2016 20:51

He looked really shocked. Previously when he's done it and I have asked him not to he has apologised and promised not to, but just does it again. It is demeaning, I hate it. It's not painful but done specifically to make me feel that way.

OP posts:
butteredmuffin · 10/04/2016 20:52

He is touching you in a way that you don't like. He knows you don't like it because he's done it before and you've repeatedly told him not to. He is in the wrong, not you.

DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts · 10/04/2016 20:52

God he sounds awful. What on earth does he think he is doing? It's assault and it is wrong

enchantedfairytale · 10/04/2016 20:54

It's treating you like a naughty child, which is completely unacceptable.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 10/04/2016 20:56

Thank you all for your support. X

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 10/04/2016 21:13

'Offended'? I'd be incandescent with rage. How DARE he do that to you!

I suggest you tell him that he's given you more than sufficient grounds to divorce his abusive arse, and if he so much as looks as if he's going lay hands on you again he'll be history.

While you're at it, I suggest you also tell him that you have it on good authority that there's no shortage of men who know how to love, cherish, and respect their partners, but he may experience considerable difficulty finding another woman who'll tolerate his physically abusive ways for as long as you've done.

Out of curiousity, why have you put up with this for "years'?

Original poster
The2Ateam · 10/04/2016 21:19

Goddess I was enraged, I really was. I don't know how I have put up with it to be honest... I really don't. I bury my head in the sand a lot when it comes to my relationship. I throw myself into the kids and work, and my parents, but tonight I just snapped.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 10/04/2016 21:45

Time to have a long hard look at your marriage, OP. It's not a good marriage if you argue a lot, never mind patronising slaps on the bum to keep you in your place.

goddessofsmallthings · 10/04/2016 21:46

Have you thought how much happier and fulfilled you'll be if you were able to throw yourself into "the kids and work, and your parents" without knowing that, sooner or later, you'll have to return your attention to all of things that are wrong with your marriage - and this isn't the only issue which causes you disquiet, is it?

How old are your dc and does your h slap them to make sure they know their place?

Original poster
The2Ateam · 11/04/2016 07:10

Yes, I think of how much happier I would be all the time. Kids are 9 and 3. He has has never hit them. Shouts at and argues with 9yr old a lot. Although at times they're inseparable.

OP posts:
HandyWoman · 11/04/2016 07:27

Eww, patronising, demeaning slaps on the arse - to keep you in your place. You must hate him? You're allowed to leave this abusive dickhead, OP. It really is bad enough. I think you know this. The fact that you snapped is a good sign - you're heading in the right direction.

Why not see a solicitor and find out what life would be like without this idiot?

Savagebeauty · 11/04/2016 07:37

Ex used to do this. Every time he followed me up the stairs. When I'd complain he'd say " it's only a bit of fun"Angry
And he's flick me with his leather belt when he got undressed.
Note he is now my ex

Lweji · 11/04/2016 07:37

I agree with the others.

And I'd only urge you to prepare your exit. Considering he is physical already (even if somewhat disguised) he could become dangerous and make your life very difficult. Not saying this to scare you, but so that you can. Plan to leave safely, regarding finances as well.

Don't respond physically, though. You could be the one with charges for assault instead.

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