Need to LTB, but he won't communicate with me

[absolutelynotfabulous]

Bit of a backstory: I caught DP cheating a while back. I'm fairly sure he's still doing it. However every time I try to instigate a conversation about how we are going to end things he refuses to engage with me. He looks away, he shrugs his shoulders, he changes the subject; anything to deflect the conversation to something else.

Yet he has admitted that he wants to end things, is detached and indifferent to me.

There is do much to be discussed. I'm already devastated enough; he has not apologised or tried to explain his cheating. How can I move forward? Why is he behaving like this?

Beneficial interest in property is something to discuss with a solicitor though - and I mentioned this as the initial view "your screwed" by what sounds to me like a very unhelpful solisitor.

I have known women in this exact position have been given part of the value or used it to get some money via meditation in these situations to at least help rebuild, I am also sure I have seen via a court it has also been awarded somewhere. they have lived together for a very long time and I'm sure a judge would take this into consideration.

The OP can take him to mediation and discuss, I disagree that all she can do is just walk away with the child.

Ooops! Tried to post back but phone cocked up;

I'm interested in the idea of "beneficial interest" as I've seen two lawyers now and they've both told me the same thing. One was free; the other I paid £50 for a consultation (can't remember how long for, though).

The last thing I want to do is to screw him over financially. I just want some consideration, and closure on what has been a difficult time for me (I've lost most of my remaining family too, over the last five years). I'm perfectly capable of earning myself a living again, but I feel most for dd, who has no other family other than us two.

penguin I think mediation would help, even if nothing came of it. At least it would get him talking. Thanks for the information.

Hi fab

I understand what your saying, but it is setting yourself up for a fall if you look at this as trying to keep your standard of living, sadly I think that's grasping at straws.

I was in a married situation where I should have been very comfortable after a split, he hid assets abroad and withdrew cash that I never knew about. Coupled with massively bad advise from a solicitors I was royally screwed, I was made bankrupt and the liquidators wanted to sue the solicitors, it was a hell of a mess.

I and my dc ended up in a half way house, I lost everything he never suffered at all and is still loaded
now. My point is if your expecting to keep your standard of living then only a lottery win is going to do that .

My ex planned all of this behind my back whilst I was looking after a terminally ill child and living for months at a time in hospital. Some men when push comes to shove have no conscience and will see you and your kids on the street.

I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, most women will tell you the same on here, you cannot expect to come through this without loss. The best you can hope for is your peace of mind and sanity, and please believe me when I say your lucky if they allow you to keep that as well.

I'm a mouthy savvy bitch or so I thought, I will never understand how I took my eye off the ball, or how someone could be so inhuman as to do such damage to someone because money is their God.

Imperial I suggested it in response to If/when I move, I will find it impossible to provide the same level of convenience and comfort for her. If it were just me, I'd just up sticks and go wherever.

Good post from guiltypleasures and similar to my experience. Ex tried to kick me and the dc out of the home after he left in a very sudden and threatening way. Three years on I sometimes think I should have left and said goodbye to the money for peace of mind as I fought for every penny and I have still not actually seen it (complicated.)

I also think you have to accept a different lifestyle and you should adjust to that because when you leave a horrible relationship there is a lot of relief and you are just glad of some peace. Not to say you don't have to watch the pennies, I do, but rather that than live with an unhappy relationship.

I wouldn't push for apologies or explanations if I were you. You may well not get the truth and you will feel even more frustrated.

I know it wouldn't be the popular view on here, but can't you separate romantically speaking, and you just live there in your own bedroom?
Look after you and DD, don't bother with his washing or cooking etc. Date other people when you're ready. And explain to DD that you're no longer together?

And I wouldn't bother looking for an explanation. Just detach detach detach.

Any explanation you may get will never be good enough either

Thing is, if she stops providing this man with domestic services, it sounds as though he would be able to throw her and her DD out - he seems to have set things up in such a way that he is the sole owner of the home and as such OP would have no legal right to remain if he wants her to go.

OP, stop wasting time and energy on trying to get him to 'talk' or 'give closure'. He's not interested. Devote your efforts to finding somewhere else to live as soon as possible: the atmosphere in your current home must be pretty toxic for both you and DD.

I agree with PP, if she stops doing stuff for him he could just chuck them out and hire a lawyer to make sure she doesn't get a penny.

The OP has a choice to make, play happy families and get the nice lifestyle or try and get some kind of settlement and accept the less extravagant lifestyle.

Your welcome OP, I don't know if it is entirely possible but I think it is worth investigating further.

Maybe the citizens advise bureau would be a good place to have a discussion? And ask them to recommend a good solisitor to speak too?

Just did a quick google...

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/relationship-breakdown-and-housing/if-you-live-with-your-partner-relationship-breakdown-and-housing/if-you-live-with-your-partner-and-you-own-your-home-relationship-breakdown-and-housing/relationship-breakdown-and-housing-beneficial-interest-if-your-partner-owns-the-home/

Maybe even to no avail if he knows you are aware of this as a possibility at mediation he will do the right thing for you and your daughter.

I'm sorry it is so tough for you

solid and nerr. He can get a court order to get me out, yes, as things stand, according to the lawyer I saw.

Just had a quick look at the CAB site, penguin. Interesting stuff (but complex). Thanks again.