Would having a second child make the relationship better

[hollowintheriver]

I'm 24, with one DS who is 6 and is SN.

DS dad is not a good dad to DS at all, he often fails to pick him up, he doesn't give me any child maintenance and he expects me to always come to my aid.

I haven't properly broken up with him, but the reason I decided to go NC/ minimal contact with him was because he would often call me if he wanted me to go round his place to have sex, we were together for 8/9 years, I asked him numerous of times to take me out but he would often refuse, or make up excuses.., also he was physical abusive towards me for a couple of years, and still continues to use threats. Yesterday, he even accused me of seeing another man after I refused to go to his place. This was before he told me that the reason why he didn't want to go out with DS and I was because he thought I wanted to show off to the world that we are a family.

Anyway, a couple of months ago I got pregnant while on the pill, I sadly decided to terminate the pregnancy as I didn't want to bring a child into our messed up relationship. But I'm starting to regret my decision and I think about my unborn baby every single day. DS dad knows that I'm still upset and has offered to give me another child. But I'm not so sure. It also doesn't help that one of my best friends is pregnant, and that all my friends around me are recently pregnant. It's just a constant reminder.

I was also wondering if a second child does fix a relationship, would he suddenly become a doting dad to both DS and his future child?

You should definitely seek some counselling re: your abortion. Its OK to feel like this. But you have to be proactive and think about how you are going to deal with your pain - dont let it lead you down the path of crashing and burning all the good things you have got going for you. It sounds like you have got a lot going for you with your degree and plans for a teaching career.

Your call right DS has a language disorder and ADHD tendencies and I've been spending around £300.00 pounds a months towards DS private therapy and DS dad does not contribute at all, ok r has no job, but he dos not support what I'm doing, he said I shouldn't be spending my money on DS private therapy and that I should take him out to do fun things instead.

Your first child isn't "fixing" your relationship, is he? What makes you think another would?

Thank you all, I'm going to get some counselling, I've had counselling in the past, relating to other things, which I didn't find useful, but I'm going to give it another go.

I was determined that I wouldn't let my abortion "go to vain", that I was going to leave DS dad and work towards my career and build a brighter future for DS and I.

But all of my very close friends are currently pregnant and its disrupting my healing process, everyone seems pregnant these days.

He begrudges his existing son needed treatment and you would contemplate another child by him??! It boggles the mind.

Please see your doctor and seek assistance. Producing a human being to fix something broken in yourself is just so selfish and wrong. You need to focus on realistic and responsible ways to forge a better future for yourself and your son.

Dont get caught up in comparing yourself to other people. This is YOUR life. You are doing what YOU need to do for yourself and your son right now.

Thanks lea and she and of course your right, it's stupid and selfish and why on earth do I want to have another child with a man who does not look after the current one and yes I've gotten to the habit of comparing my life to other people's, but that stops now. Thank you all for making me sense once again.

Fuck no.

Go through CMO to get him to pay maintenance for his child. It will only cost you £20 (the maintenance direct / direct pay option). cmoptions.org

I was supposed to keep my mother and dad together. I've known since I was old enough to be told that it didn't work - that it was ME that had failed.

my mother is a narcissist and a sociopath though, and I'm not suggesting you are. just take it from me that kids don't fix relationships, and it's not something a child can really get over.

You sound lovely. Stay on the right track, love. Only bad things will come to you if you have another child with this man

Dump him and concentrate on the 3 most important things in your life....you, your son and your career (in that order)

Thank you all for your messages, as much as it hurts, I have to let go and move on from that waste of a space.

It's very common to feel as you do. One of my friends still feels like that nearly three years post termination but to a lesser extent as time goes on xx

No hunni sorry it wouldn't. This is speaking from experience me and my ex decided to have another baby last June. (have a 2 year old) I was over the moon and I thought he was too. In January thigh he left me saying he only got me pregnant to make me feel like he loved me and also he thought it would save the relationship ( I didnt know there was a problem we where planning a wedding) I also thought when baby was here he would be more of a dotting dad. He isn't reduced days with kids when he has them doesn't play with them.
I am now a single mum of 2 under the age of 3 at the age of 26. It's hard but I know one day I will have my happy relationship I deserve.
Sending you hugs