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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

mumsnet jury - can I have some opinions on this please?

16 replies

guesswhoscomingtodinner · 08/01/2007 07:30

Dh has a friend at work who he seems to get on fairly well with, they travel to and from work on public transport together etc. A few months ago dh said that this friend had suggested we go out to dinner, I thought it was a fairly good idea, I don?t know him or his wife, but it would be good to go out with another couple and perhaps get to know them.

Then over the weekend this friend suggested a date etc, we arranged a babysitter and said it was fine. He then called dh to say that he?d booked a table for the agreed date, and then said that another couple would be joining us too.

Now maybe it?s just me, but I would never think to suggest going to dinner with a friend and his wife who I didn?t know, and then inviting friends of mine along as well. As it stands I am going to feel a bit like I?m on the sidelines, as everyone there will know someone, apart from me.

I feel stupid even thinking like this as I?m always complaining that we never go out with other people etc, but I just can?t help thinking that it can be hard enough as it is going out with two peple you don?t know, but is not so bad if the husbands know each other and it?s just the wives that need to get to know each other, but now I feel like I?m intruding on a group of friends or worse, that they?ve been invited along so that the other couple in question (especially the wife) have someone they know and can talk to if things don?t go well.

Can I have some opinions please? Am I just overreacting or would you feel uncomfortable about it as well?

OP posts:
MamaG · 08/01/2007 07:32

I would feel uncomfortable, but I would still go - most likely, the women will go out of their way to make you feel welcome (I would anyway) and you could end up with two sets of new mates.

I would be pissed off though, I must admit!

NotQuiteCockney · 08/01/2007 07:38

It seems a bit random of DH's work friend, but at least this way, it's not all people your DH knows, right?

liath · 08/01/2007 07:40

I'd feel apprehensive as well but it might work out better in a way, if it had just been the 2 couples you might have ended up having to talk to the wife all night which could be hard if you've never met - at least there'll be more people to chat to and with only six they can't really exclude you.

Gemmitygem · 08/01/2007 07:48

I would personally think, great, the chance to meet more people who might become friends..

Bet you wouldn't have batted an eyelid at this in your twenties/before kids etc. when socialising and meeting as many as people as you can is normal. one's confidence and energy for socialising gets a bit dented, I find..

Just go with it, put on a big smile and you might be pleasantly surprised..

tigermoth · 08/01/2007 08:02

I'd feel fine about it, too. I think it's nice to have a small group to meet, as if you don't get on with one person, you will not be landed with them all evening. Your dh's friend might have thought it was a nice gesture to arrange a small party - open up the invite to include more people. You could see it as an act of generousity, the fact that he wants your dh and you to meet his friends.

Does your dh know the other couple? If not, can you ask your dh to find out more about them so you will know some background before you meet them? Also it would be nice to know a bit about your friend's wife. Get your dh to ask some questions.

Agree that meeting groups like this was something my friends and I did in our twenties without another thought.

usandnosleep · 08/01/2007 08:07

I can understand your feelings but I too think it could take the pressure off. You might be really relieved if this wife turns out to be awful!

lemonaid · 08/01/2007 08:46

I would be fine with it. This way there are two couples you will be meeting and even if you don't hit it off with the first couple you may find you have more in common with the second couple.

deaconblue · 08/01/2007 10:08

I think it sounds like a good night out. You might find you have more in common with the other couple than the friend's wife anyway. Give it a go.

expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 10:12

Huh?

Sorry, but this wouldn't bother me in the least.

The more, the merrier.

Cappuccino · 08/01/2007 10:16

I can see why you're annoyed - but some people just do this

we went round to dinner once at a friend of dh's - when we got there they'd invited another couple round because they usually entertained a few people at once. It was a nice night but not what we were expecting

at the time I was a bit insecure - you sound a little like I was yourself. Were you thinking that another couple on their own would be 'safe' and this is a bit scary?

put your eyeliner on and go have a good night. just because everyone else knows someone doesn't mean they all know everyone, if that's not too garbled. The dynamics of work etc relationships change during an evening like this.

have fun

SSShakeTheChi · 08/01/2007 10:17

Think you're feeling overwhelmed at the thought of so many new people but 6 isn't a huge group and chances are out of 4 new people, they'll be at least one you like. You don't have to win them all over or entertain everyone, it's enough to just send out relaxed, easy-going vibes and look them over a bit. You'll be fine.

beckybrastraps · 08/01/2007 10:18

Wouldn't bother me. In fact, it makes it more likely you'll find someone to talk to.

Pages · 08/01/2007 21:01

It wouldn't bother me as I would see it as more people to get to know, but I can see it would change the dynamics a little, and maybe that is disappointing you a bit if you were really looking forward to getting to know your DH's colleague and wife in particular.

Glassofwine · 08/01/2007 21:05

sorry, but I would have assumed another couple would be coming along too. If you invited them to your house for supper would you really just have them? I don't think it's the norm to just have two couples untill you are good friends. Personally I think 4 - 5 couples is ideal

Bucketsofdynomite · 08/01/2007 21:07

If the bloke is the one who did the initial invitation and has organised it all then I think it's fine if they invite another couple, it's not like it's your house.
It's up to you to read negative things into it and have a crap night or see the potential benefits and enjoy yourself.
They might not all know each other either.

Caligula · 08/01/2007 21:10

Also think it isn't a problem...

Yes I'd feel uncomfortable because I'm a grumpy old curmudgeon and I have to force myself to go out, but when I do I enjoy myself.

Focus on the positive, otherwise you won't enjoy yourself.

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