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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Your dh has had an affair OR siphoned all your joint savings to finance his (until now undiscovered) ONLINE GAMBLING ADDICTION

47 replies

jasper · 08/01/2007 00:04

Ok ladies it's not a happy choice.
this was tonight's dinner party discussion.

Views were polarised.

WHich would you choose?

OP posts:

IntergalacticWalrus · 08/01/2007 08:56

Joint savings any day (balance in our case, currently staning at about -£10,000)

I'd chop his knob off if he cheated though.

VVVwhatever · 08/01/2007 10:26

Both are trust issues, imo.

Dinosaur · 08/01/2007 10:26

I'd much rather he had an affair.

IntergalacticWalrus · 08/01/2007 10:27

Indeed VVV, but I could almost take a betrayal from DP if it didn;t involve his feelings for another woman.

Piffle · 08/01/2007 10:27

Both are trust issues
both would mean a split for me. Trust is everything

expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 10:29

Can I chose divorce court?

fortyplus · 08/01/2007 10:30

Would depend on the circumstances of the affair... I could maybe imagine forgiving that.
But gambling away the family fortune... never!

IntergalacticWalrus · 08/01/2007 10:32

see, we don't have any money to fritter away, so I can't imagine DP doing something like that anayway.

But I could never forgive an affair

Drusilla · 08/01/2007 10:32

Would rather he had an affair. If he did either I wouldn't have any respect for him so would rather I could at least walk away with my savings to cushion the blow.

VVVwhatever · 08/01/2007 10:42

Yes, its a bigger betrayal - all in one go.

The trust issue is still a problem though, isnt it?

And the gambling thing - if thing have got so bad that savings have been looted. What would be next? How much debt would he have racked up against both names? How would you get him to stop? Gambling addiction is a tough one to crack.

Giving up an affair - easier to do - more likely to not go back.

Both have long term trust implications, although, financially ruining the whole family would just not be on for me - particularly knowing how addiction can be difficult to recover from. It jeopardises my future, my childrens future and possibly their further education should they wish to go down that route. An affair wouldnt prevent a Dad from being a father as such.

JodieG1 · 08/01/2007 10:48

Imo they are different sorts of trust issues. There's a difference between someone having an affair and gambling, having an affair could totally ruin your relationship if you couldn't stop thinking about the what ifs every time they went out.

I suppose the issue is more to do with what's important, to me losing money isn't as important as losing my husband and an addiction such as gambling can be beaten together. An affair is a totally different thing in my eyes.

fortyplus · 08/01/2007 10:49

Yes - you couldn't stop him gambling again, but you could chop off his willy so he couldn't have another affair!

fortyplus · 08/01/2007 10:50

That was yes to VVV

Cappuccino · 08/01/2007 10:51

ha ha ha

like my dh even has an idea which building society the savings are in

no chance

Bugsy2 · 08/01/2007 10:57

I'd definitely prefer an affair. Mine has had one & I'm now divorced, but at least I've still got a roof over my head!
There are plenty more men about, but money is much harder to come by!! Not that I'm a cynic.

Dinosaur · 08/01/2007 11:07

Yes, quite agree Bugsy!

FioFio · 08/01/2007 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

catsmother · 08/01/2007 13:39

I'd rather he had an affair, because then, when we split up as a result of that (we would) at least MY share of the savings would still be there for me to start again.

If he gambled away all the savings, I'd still want to split up (couldn't live with that level of irresponsibilty/selfishness/duplicity) and there'd be nothing for me to start over with.

fannyannie · 08/01/2007 13:44

having had an online gambling addiction in the past (though I must add not sphoning any savings to fund it) I would choose that one.

Gambling is an addiction and just like if it was alcohol or drugs I wouldn't see it as something they have deliberately done it's so easily done.

Affair - well - that's his choice unless he's a sex addict and he's just not getting enough in the bedroom????

Tortington · 08/01/2007 13:44

gambling addiction

we have no savings.

in this scenario though. i would kick him out either way.

mylittlestar · 08/01/2007 13:58

Nothing can compare to those feelings you have on finding out your partner has cheated on you. Horrendous.

The gambling addiction - wasn't a personal attack on you, can be sorted over time, and at the end of the day it's only money!!
I'd choose the gambling any day...

VVVwhatever · 08/01/2007 16:03

I would consider secretly sparing the time to go to the building society/bank to withdraw/transfer funds to aid gambling/gambling debt, knowing it could risk the family's future (if they didnt know - why hide it?) - deliberate. (The fact that we dont have an awful lot in savings atm is irrelevant - its all hypothetical isnt it?)

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