Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

AIBU asking STBXH to drive DS to daycare

5 replies

torontonian · 05/04/2016 14:43

STBXH moved out April 1st and we started the visitation schedule with DS (almost 3 y.o.) and DD (almost 9 months).

Only DS is in daycare, DD will start in July. I am on mat leave at home with her.

Daycare is two subway stations away, about 3km. But I dont drive and subway has no elevators so I need to bump the stroller downstairs. It usually takes me about 2h round way to do the daycare drop off and come back home.

Today, DD has fever and it is snowing so I thought it would be better nor to take her out and I asked STBXH, who drives and lives across the street, to take DS to daycare.
He has replied that "we need to stop this service". AIBU to think he is been a selfish as*le? How can I reply to such an idjit?

OP posts:

Report

FrogFairy · 05/04/2016 15:33

Assuming he was available, you would think that a loving father would jump at the chance of having some extra time with his child. It does not bode well for flexible co-parenting. There will come a time when he may need a favour from you.

Report

Lilaclily · 05/04/2016 15:36

Oh this sounds tricky
For you you only just separated , literally last Friday?
And he's living very very close

In the short term yes he should help

But in the long term I think you'll have to look into driving lessons tbh, you don't want to have to rely on him especially when he could move further away or be at work

Report

huskylover · 05/04/2016 15:46

I would be looking for daycare that's way closer to home.

Report

torontonian · 05/04/2016 16:17

Lilaclily we have cohabitated for 6-7 months since split but the (partial) parenting agreement was just signed.

I know about the driving lessons but that is a long term solution. Here I could not drive on my own for at least another 8 months since I get my license (graduated syatem I think it is called) and I can't afford to buy a car.

huskylover I wanted my DS to stay home with me while I am on mat leave. And now I want to switch from daycare to nanny (financially is about the same, but I dont have to do drop off and pick ups). But STBXH opposes to this and accuses me of not been able to manage. (He does 2 pickups a week, no drop offs, no subway and no baby in tow).

And not the topic of this thread but related: every time I ask for a change in the daycare arrangement he says if I cant do it we should change the visitation schedule and shuts up the conversation. Honestly, I love my DS's daycare. They are wonderful and I dont know if I can find anything at the same level of trust, but I am going back to work in 2 months and I don't have the hours in my day for this trip twice a day. Besides two kids, no family in this country to help me, two hours physiotherapy twice a week (my back and knees are broken - no wonder!) and a full time job, I think of the daycare trip and I want to jump from a bridge

OP posts:

Report

torontonian · 05/04/2016 16:24

By the way, he saw the message first thing in the morning. He is available, he is a freelance, not 9-5er. And moreover he said he wanted to come and get more of his stuff (that I am packing for him) around 10am. So definitely not onsite today. He spends 1h every morning talking on the phone with his mistress and his income in January and February was the equivalent for what he charges for about 10h of work. So I would not say that he is overwhelmedly busy.