Been seeing a man since late last year. Tinder match. We are both early 30s. From my side it is a booty call situation - we are very very compatible in bed and get on well in general too. We have agreed that the relationship is not "serious", it's all above board. I'm fairly recently out of a marriage and need space/time to be me. He is never married and is definitely a bachelor type. I have a young DS who is with me 70% of the time. DS has not met this man, no plans to.
Anyway. At first this man was definitely, obviously only after sex, which is fine since so was I. During this time, I told this man that I had kicked another man to the curb for attempting to pressure me into an exclusive relationship. We laughed about this at the time. (this is important later.)
As it happened, after the first ~6 weeks, he cancelled plans twice in a week, with little notice, and I felt that he was taking the piss. So I broke it off with him completely. He seemed properly shocked. I think he thought he could be half arsed and that I would just take it.
Within a month, however, we ended up in bed together again, at my instigation and with me ripping the piss out of him good naturedly for almost managing to fuck up what was a near ideal fwb situation.
That was 2-3 months ago and it's been very enjoyable since. We see each other twice a week usually. I keep appropriate emotional distance and expect very little from him besides happy, sexy company. I have other men on the go. I am very fond of him though, he is certainly my favourite.
But ever since I reset things, from then on, I've noticed that his behaviour has changed:
He never, EVER backs out of plans (he knows better now I suppose!), will drag himself to see me even when he is visibly ill or exhausted
Will rarely allow me to just come over for a shag but will instead plan a dinner out first
Won't shut up - wants to talk a lot, when I would prefer to jump into bed after said dinner
Doesn't like me to leave his house after said shag, wants me to stay over whenever possible
Buys me small gifts constantly
Never lets a day go by without contact (phone/text/email)
Brings food/sweets round on nights that I have DS and can't leave house
Fixes things in my house without being asked
Keeps a stash of things at his house for me (toothbrush, food that I like and he doesn't) without being asked
Never shows up empty handed in general
Has started to ask if I will travel with him. On conferences, on trips that he has planned for 6 months from now, etc.
Tried to engineer a meeting between me and one of his close friends (I weaseled out because it felt wrong somehow)
Constantly mentions that he has talked to his friends about me ("I told so and so you said...") etc.
Seems to make a point of texting me pics of himself holding his friends' babies/children??
Asks after my son and family and friends, by name, recalling all the details I mention about them
The way he talks has also changed... we took our first overnight trip together recently and on said trip, he asked me when I plan to legally divorce my ex, whether I plan to marry again, what kind of man I think I might marry. I didn't realise the possible subtext at the time, replied that I thought I might one day marry someone older than me -- he replied that he didn't think so, that I'd marry someone my age (e.g. him!). It was this most recent conversation that made me think wait, what is going on here?
He says more and more lovely things to me as well, staring into my eyes etc., but I ignore that since it's easy to say nice things, it's more the actions that have me wondering. (e.g. when he tells me he likes me etc., I just say thank you.)
Is it possible that this is him following a script of what he assumes a woman likes to see/hear from a man? I just seems vanishingly unlikely to me that he has really developed feelings for me, since this started out as a pure hookup situation, he took the piss at the beginning, I have a small child, etc. etc. However, I find myself worrying a little about what might be going on in his head, since a) I don't want to hurt him, he's genuinely lovely and b) I don't want to be hurt myself!
I would just talk to him about it... but I have tried before and he just sort of avoids answering properly. Which makes me think that he is just playing out a script of "what the laydeez like to hear", that it's sort of part of a game. However, my best friend disagrees with me and thinks he is love struck but too scared to attempt an exclusivity/defining things talk... because he thinks I will drop him like I did the man mentioned earlier.
Opinions? Surely fwbs generally stay fwbs. And if they do develop it's more the woman who gets attached. Or is that just a stereotype?